Did you change your last name to your husband's last name after marriage?

posted 1 year ago in Logistics
  • poll: Did you change your last name to husband's last name after marriage?
    Yes : (68 votes)
    55 %
    No : (49 votes)
    40 %
    We both changed our last names : (6 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    409 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    Nope! Didn’t change my name. Just didn’t want to. I like my name and I just don’t feel the need to change it. 

    Post # 47
    Member
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    I wonder if there’s a correlation between age and willingness to change names. I did for my first marriage at 19, but at 31, I’m attached to my name and identity more. Can’t decide if it’s just more acceptable or if I’m older and less flexible. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    8750 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I don’t think anyone needs a reason to keep or change it beyond “because I want to”. I took his name and completely dropped my maiden because I wanted to.  A few family members (mine and his) were horrified I didn’t move my maiden to the middle like they did but the way I see it my parents chose my first and middle – the last name was a given. I kept the names my parents really chose for ME. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    265 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

     

    View original reply
    bibliophilacticbee :  You might be on to something. I was early ish 30’s when we married and didn’t want to change it.

    View original reply
    chillbee29 :  If it was important to D H I would have changed it, but not happily. He said it was up to me since not having his last name didn’t make me any less his wife. 🤗

    Post # 52
    Member
    734 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I voted no but technically that’s not quite correct. As a courtesy to my husband I added his last name as a second last name without hyphen. Now I regret it.

    So where I am from the “main” last name is the first last name (so usually when women double barrel their name they put the new name first). I added his name in the end which would make my name the main name. But in the US it’s obviously the other way around. And i keep beeing addressed as Mrs hislastname which drives me mad. Our bank issued me all cards with only his last name. After I was done with them they even overnighted me my new cards. How presomrious to assume which name should be put on the card. 

    I have had my name for 36 years. I have been Mrs MyName all my life. This doesn’t change because of a piece of paper and a cut in taxes. Plus my name carries a history. His name is a random name “handed down” to him through his father abusive foster parents. Why would anyone want (to keep) that kind of name? Also isn’t the tradition of changing your last name kinda archaic? Now you’re property in his name?

    Post # 53
    Member
    146 posts
    Blushing bee

    I changed my last name anyway already so I’ll do it again when I get married. My partner is Irish and has a pretty Irish last name but considering my name is Welsh it’ll be nice to have two Celtic names together. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 2020 - Germany

    View original reply
    bibliophilacticbee :  You may well be on to something, but if so I’m the exception to the rule. I got engaged at 32 and we plan to marry when I’m 34 and I’ll be taking his name. I moved to his country of origin though so his name suits daily life better than mine. But I’m mainly taking it because I want to, think I’m just traditional in that sense 🙂 

    In general I think making the decision either way just because you want to is a good enough reason in itself 🙂 

    Post # 55
    Member
    620 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    bibliophilacticbee  I was 27 so very average, age-wise, and I didn’t change my name. My Mom kept her maiden name when she married – I am sure there’s a correlation there, too. It seemed utterly bizarre to change my name when I grew up in a household with two parents who had different last names.

    Post # 56
    Member
    167 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2020

    I plan to take FH’s surname but I’m going to keep my current surname as my middle name (as I don’t currently have one). I’m doing it this way because I would want FH, future children and myself to all have the same family name, but also wanted to keep my own identity and I’d struggle to completely let go of a name I’ve had my whole life. Plus I think it’ll sound cool smile

    Post # 57
    Member
    214 posts
    Helper bee

    My fiance and I knew we both wanted to share a name when we get married. We’re fairly young and at the beginning of our careers, so maybe that would have been different if we were more established and both wanted to keep our names. We also decided against double-barelling because the names just don’t sound good together!

    There were various pros and cons for me taking his surname and for him taking my surname, we’re both feminists and didn’t believe me changing should be the default, and so in the end we flipped a coin to decide! Not an approach that would work for everyone, but it’s been the perfect solution for us as we will share a name, and the approach was fair and equal (and quite fun!)

    Post # 58
    Member
    4037 posts
    Honey bee

    Nope. Happily married over 40 years, too. At the time we married it was only a legal requirement in one/a couple of states. It never made any sense to me. I also didn’t like the origins/sexism, of the practice.

    P.S. I married in the middle of my senior year of college and the number of classmates who didn’t change, hyphenated, or used their maiden as middle (not just the initial), was pretty high. It was even higher among graduate school classmates. (suburban, northeast U.S.). 

    Post # 60
    Member
    1288 posts
    Bumble bee

    I changed my name because I wanted to.  I also liked the idea of my future children plus us having the same last name.  To each their own.  I also did not find it that big a deal to change the paperwork.

    I also liked the way my first name sounded with his last name.  My husband would not have given me a hard time if I wanted to keep my maiden name, but I know he likes the fact I took his.

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