Did you change your mind about wanting more than one child?

posted 3 months ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Not sure if this is exactly the same…but I always said that if I had a difficult or traumatic delivery that I’d strongly reconsider having another bio kid (I’ve actually always been really interested in adoption whether or not I had bio kids so it’s not a far jump for me).

So I think it makes sense that a person’s experience of conception/ pregnancy/labor affects their decision on how many kids to have. But then again, I’ve met women that have had objectively really difficult pregnancies/labors or with conceiving but still go on to have numerous kids. So I guess it really depends.  

Post # 4
Member
934 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I always wanted 2 children, and like you I had trouble conceiving my first. I had 3 miscarriages before him and it took quite a toll physically and emotionally. 

However, I didnt “give up” on the idea of a second so much as it just didn’t happen.  After he was born I was never able to concieve again.  I had severe endometriosis  and it just wasn’t meant to be. I was a little sad that I wouldn’t have a second.  I was also a little sad that he wouldn’t have a sibling, but for the most part I was happy for the blessings that I had,  a healthy son that I adore.

Post # 7
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I originally wanted 3 kids. Then we had 5 m/c to have our first and a near death pregnancy experience so my goal changed to I’ll be thrilled to ever have one healthy child. After my first was born she was so full on and a real high needs baby. Never slept and I told my husband I never, ever wanted another child. When she was 14months I found out I was pregnant again  and felt sick as I just couldn’t imagine doing it all again, plus pregnancy had been so stressful with risk of loss and all the medication to keep the baby alive.

Then my second pregnancy was pretty uneventful, my eldest coped ok. My 2nd c/s was so much easier and faster to recover from. The newborn time was pure joy this time around, I knew what I was doing and my second one really made me feel my family was complete. My girls are so close and while they fight they really are best friends already. I’m pretty sure that without an accidental pregnancy I would never have had the urge to voluntarily get pregnant as it was such a traumatizing experience for me. I was just lucky and it all turned out better than I thought. 

Post # 9
Member
2427 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

View original reply
zstbee84 :  Honestly, by the time we got to IVF (after 2 years, 2MC and a bunch of failed IUI cycles), I was hopeful to have one child. I’m not saying that you should change your expectations because obviously that won’t do anything and we are all entitled to our dreams/wishes – but truthfully once you realize the challenges with infertility and TTC, you start to consider what a miracle it is to carry a full term pregnancy that results in a child. For my husband and I, we were never in the mindset of “giving up” but perhaps adjusting how we may need to go about becoming parents (through IVF, adoption, fostering, or even no children). We tried not to focus so much on the future or creating our “ideal” family, but more on realistic expectations for our infertility journey. If that makes sense.

We ended up doing back to back retrieval cycles that resulted in only 3 embryos. Our first FET failed and I struggled to grow a lining/tried different protocols. I felt like giving up and transferring both of our remaining embryos, but we ended up transferring only one at a time. Our second FET was successful, and our son was born after a very traumatic labor/delivery (he was unresponsive and recovered, but had a stroke during delivery). This left us with one embryo, a low chance of success and honestly we were unsure if we even wanted to transfer. We ultimately decied to do it, knowing we were over the moon with our son given all of our TTC struggles and his health at birth. If the transfer did not work, we had adjusted our familial expectations and felt so incredibly lucky that modern science/medicine helped us to become parents at all. I am advanced maternal age and now almost halfway through a second pregnancy with our only remaining embryo. Never in a million years did we think we would have more than one child, but here we are. 

Post # 10
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I always imagined having two then I have my son and really second guessed having two. He was a terrible sleeper and struggled with silent reflux. He’s 4 now and still extremely needy. My marriage fell apart soon after he was born and we just divorced. I would have never had a second with my ex husband, he is extremely over protective and has bad (untreated) anxiety when it comes to our son. So yea, I’m likely not having another and I’m fine with it 

Post # 11
Member
41 posts
Newbee

🙋🏼‍♀️ All my life I wanted a big family. Then we had one child and pretty much immediately knew he would be our last. There was nothing eventful that made us come to our decision, we are just so happy as a family of three and neither of us desire for more. He’s seven now and we haven’t wavered. I personally think a family of three is perfect. It does help that his dad is AMAZING and plays with him a ton, so there is no feeling that he’s losing out on a playmate by not having a sibling. That is a really big deal in only-child families. You have to really like to play almost all the time for several years. 

Post # 14
Member
2427 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

View original reply
zstbee84 :  For me, it was more or less coming to terms with knowing that we would do whatever it took to become parents. Even if it took time (we also took a few months off before IVF), we would exhaust all options until we had a child and/or mutually decided that we were ready to move forward without having any. Easier said than done, but my advice is to just put one foot in front of the other and survive each day knowing you are moving forward, even if it doesn’t feel like you are making big progress.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors