Post # 31
From what you are saying, it does seem mentally better for you to focus more on the present and having a healthy and successful pregnancy–extra pressure & stress isn’t going to help you there–but this doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to close the door on baby #2. You can think of it like you’d be happy to have a child whatever way you need to now, and you can make the decision down the line of whether you want another.
I don’t actually have children (still trying to decide if I want any), but I did talk to my grandma about this topic recently, because she was telling me more about her life over the holidays. She and my grandpa wanted multiple children… and they were lucky enough to have my mom, but my grandma had years of health difficulties after having my mom, and then they weren’t able to get pregnant after she recovered, so my mom is an only child. Although they had initially wanted more than 1 child, my grandparents both focus on the positive and is grateful that she was able to have a child at all, and looks at my mom and her 2 grandkids as a blessing.
Actually my parents wanted 3 children, and I know that my mom had multiple miscarriages after she had 2 babies, and so they stopped trying for a 3rd. My mom has mentioned once or twice the what if we had another sibling (her last miscarriage was very late in the pregnancy and was traumatic for her), but overall she is grateful to have the two of us. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you could have a thought here or there about the what if, but I think that you will ultimately be grateful to be a mom, no matter how or when that happens or how many kids you have.
Post # 32
We’ve always just wanted one. I won’t be trying until 35 as I got divorced at 31 and met currently SO only a year and a half ago.
I know the age thing is hard, I feel it too sometimes but you can get pregnant in your 40s. I’ve seen it a lot wirh women at work.
Post # 33
Same for us! I always thought I wanted 2 or 3 kids, then had our daughter when I was 28 (so plenty of time to have more). But after having her, we just felt so complete as a family, and I never again had that baby fever that I had before conceiving her. Before we knew it, she was 8 and we never got around to even discussing having another. Now she’s nearly 15 and I realize that she really was born to be an only child – she never desired a sibling, and is super close to my parents because they took care of her when we were working. She’s so articulate, mature and confident (because she spent a lot of time around adults) – and she and I are so close – that I feel very good about our decision to just have one child. After having her, and really owning the fact that I only wanted one child, I realized that there’s so much stigma around only children that we pressure ourselves into thinking we need to have 2 or more. But my daughter isn’t anything like what people suggest “only children” are like – she’s very social, has lots of frients, and is just a delight.
To the OP, I wouldn’t stress or pressure yourself about any set goals, because you really won’t know how you feel about it until you have your first baby. After that, see where life takes you. Having a single child can be incredibly fulfilling and rewarding in so many ways – we were able to travel all over the world with her, put her into private school, support her through 2 different high-level sports (she was a competitive figure skater for many years, and now plays on a club volleyball team) – for us, we loved being able to give her the world. If we had 2 or 3 kids, we would have had to make a lot of different choices for them, both financially as well as with our time. There’s no right or wrong way to be a family, so try not to get too hung up on the long term planning and just enjoy living in the moment first. Best of luck to you!