Post # 1
I got married back in September and I keep thinking that I should change my last name. My husband keeps saying that’s the one thing I can do for him. To take his last name. I think I would break his heart if I didn’t.
I just feel like it’s so much work and I feel like the name I was born with is my true identity. I’m just worried that I am going to forget to change some things and the name changing process will go on for years as little things come up that still have my maiden name.
We may not have kids. We are still thinking about it. Whether we do or we don’t I wouldn’t think makes a difference. I do want to change my name. It just feels funny to have a new name. I am hesitant and keep procrastinating but my drivers license expires in the spring and so does my passport, so if I’m going to do it, I have to change it on my license along with my new address and passport.
I know it’s personal preference, but just wondering how many of you changed your name? I have a few friends that are nurses and doctors and won’t change it for that reason. I have no reason not to change my name. It’s just if I want to or not.
Thank you for your help!!
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Post # 2
I think this comes down to the person/couples preference. In my case, I didn’t care for my old last name and wanted to share a last name with my husband and future kids so it was a no brainer for me.
Maybe you can keep your current last name as a middle name? I’ve had some friends do that.
Post # 3
As Shakespeare said, “What’s in a name?” If it would mean something to your husband, I think it’s a nice tradition. I changed mine. I loved my maiden name, but I wanted to be known as my husband’s wife. No regrets.
Post # 4
It’s whatever you want to do.
I did not find changing my name to be particularly difficult or time consuming. I changed almost everything within the first week I was married. You have to go in person for the SS card and driver’s license (if you’re in the US), but almost everything else (credit cards, insurance, random online accounts, etc.) could just be done online or with a phone call, with a few by mail. I made a list before I was married of the things that would need to be changed quickly (IDs, financial accounts, payroll info) and it made it pretty easy. Sure, there are still some things that come up that are still in my maiden name, like some random store reward accounts and such, but it doesn’t really matter a whole lot of those are changed for the most part.
Post # 5
I’ve also been procrastinating changing my name as well. There are SO many things to have to change its so annoying. But, I’m just going to bite the bullet and go tomorrow to the social security office and get the process started. What a pain though!
I also feel some of my procrastinating is due to the fact that I’m going to miss having my last name!! I feel really connected to it and I hate to lose it 🙁
Post # 6
No I did not. I have extensive financial holdings and two trusts for my boys and decided to keep it simple. Husband was fine with it.
Post # 7
It took me 14 min to change my name at SS. It was not time consuming at all. I’ve never imagined keeping my maiden name so it just made sense to change it to my husbands. I went from a not super common name to Smith so that can be kinda annoying, but not a huge deal. Our mortgage still has my maiden name on it because we bought our house a month before the wedding and my other properties still have my maiden name, but all of my other financial holdings have my married name and that took a simple pic of my marriage license to my financial advisor to change.
Post # 8
I didn’t change a thing and I’ve been married almost 40 years. When hubby’s brother married, years after us, his wife didn’t change her name, either. Our kids were all given hyphenated last names, which was common, among their peers.
Among friends, more haven’t changed their name, than have changed it. I’ve never thought that a woman’s changing her name made any sense. Ever.
Post # 9
Yes I changed my last name. For me it just felt right and made me feel even more like a team in a way. Of course when we have children then we would all have the same name as well. I guess for me personally, I wasn’t as wrapped up into the identity my last name gave me, I feel like the things I do and my job etc are more of my identity with or without my maiden name. To each their own though. I have no regrets about changing mine.
Post # 10
I just added his name onto mine. So I am Mary Jane Paul Smith. I just added his without a hyphen which seems to be easier. Sometimes people ask me which is my last name but I just tell them both with no hyphen. I am working on my phd and I just want to keep me name. But I don’t care if people call me Mrs. Smith. I announce myself as Mary Paul Smith and keep it moving.
Post # 11
I changed my name. It was a pain for that one day to go to the social security office and DMV (I recommend doing them both the same day), but otherwise it hasn’t been that big of a deal. Of course, there’s an emotional component to it, like you’re giving up your former identity. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing . A lot of women change their name legally, but continue to use their original name professionally, so that’s always an option. I still have some bank accounts in my old name, and it was too expensive to change my passport and it doesn’t expire for a while so I travel in my old name.
Post # 12
I’ve been going through the same debate. Originally (before/during our engagement) I had thought a lot about it and made my decision to change it. My last name is extremely common, while his is much rarer. Now I’m second-guessing my decision and feeling a loss of identity that I didn’t expect.
He has stressed that it’s my decision, and that I should do whatever I feel is right for me–although I know he hopes I still change it, he doesn’t want to pressure me. His mom has been especially supportive. The first time she referred to me as a future TheirLastName, she made a point to say, “Whether you change your name or not, you’re joining the family, and I’m so excited you’ll officially be one of us!” At the time no one had given her any indication I was undecided; she just didn’t want to assume.
Post # 13
If you don’t want to change your name, you shouldn’t change your name. Period. I’m of the opinion that no one should ever pressure you to give up your own name, and your husband needs to understand that he gets no say in it. Did he consider changing HIS name? What does he mean it’s the “one thing” you can do for him? That’s ridiculous. You married him. You’re sharing every part of yourself with him. Your name is yours, and it’s up to you whether to change it.
Post # 14
My fiance and I are both hyphenating our names. He was initially really upset at the idea of his future wife not just taking his name, but after like 3 years of us dating and listening to my feminist rants he came around. I’d ask why he would insist I give up a part of my identity if he wasn’t willing to do the same for me. It was actually really gratifying the day he finally realized that he was marrying into a new family, same as I was and that he wanted to show that in his name. Our kids will have the hyphenated last name too. We know that’s cumbersome, but we’re cool with them changing it up after they’re 18.
Post # 15
I changed my name. It was never really a question for me that I would, as my husband and I are a social unit and it’s just something I always planned to do. As a teacher for several years before getting married it was quite bittersweet, as I hear my name A LOT during the day and it was a big part of my identity. But, just like other changes and compromises I’ve moved on and now don’t think too much about it. For what it’s worth, I didn’t think it was that much work. Most things are online now anyway so after your Social Security, driver’s license, human resources at work, and banking information, it’s pretty smooth to just change it in places as they pop up.