Did you change your name after marriage?

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
  • poll: What did you do with your name after the wedding?
    Took your partner's : (81 votes)
    63 %
    Kept your own : (42 votes)
    33 %
    Hyphenated : (5 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    7787 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    zzar45 :  Maybe just table it for now then and see how you feel later on after the wedding? Not sure how it is where you live, but in my case I think I had one year after the wedding to do the name change. I could have still done it after that but then the process gets more complicated.

    FWIW I understand how you feel. I always assumed I’d change my name, but when it came time to do it I was surprisingly kind of nostalgic about it. I still feel somewhat ambivalent about having changed it, but am definitely glad I kept my maiden name as my middle name so at least it’s still part of my name.

    Post # 17
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee

    I absolutely felt strongly about keeping my name. I felt like if I changed it I would contribute to a social norm that doesn’t treat women as being as important as men by taking it as just the easy norm. We considered having my husband take my name but ultimately decided he would keep his and we would flip a coin for the last name of a first child and then trade off (an alternative was that the children just get my name, so as not to contribute to the widespread assumption that people get the “same name” by always taking the man’s name) but we decided we wouldn’t care if our children had the same name. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    302 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2019

    I’ll be changing mine. My last name is hard to pronounce, and even when I was younger I would say that I hoped I would marry a guy with an easy to pronounce last name. Luckily, I am! I don’t have siblings and he has 3, and I like the idea of becoming part of his family and sharing their last name. It will be weird to have a new last name, since I’m almost 35 and have had my maiden name my whole life, but I’m looking forward to it.

    Post # 19
    Member
    9375 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I was planning on changing it. Because my last name is boring/common whereas my husband’s is very unique and has a lot of heritage and history attached to it.

    But when it came down to actually doing it, it just didn’t feel like the right choice for me. Part of it was that I didn’t feel like filling out all the paper work and I had just moved and was looking for a new job and all my references knew me by my maiden name so I didn’t want any confusion there. I’m in academia and my degrees, thesis, publications are all in my maiden name. And I really felt like it conflicted my feminist ideals and it didn’t feel right- I am not at all saying that changing your last name makes you less feminist, it just wasn’t the right choice for me.

    And my husband was fully supportive of whatever choice I made so I kept my name.

    Post # 20
    Member
    6349 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Dropped my name like a hot potato I love my married name so much more than my maiden.

    Post # 21
    Member
    3246 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    I kept mine and added his, because I wasn’t comfortable removing any part of my name. So my name is first, middle (only shows up on SS card and passport) , maiden (as second middle name and shows up on my driver’s license and credit cards/bills), married name. No hyphens. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    9076 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    i took my husbands, always knew i wanted to.  i wanted my family to share the same name and i wanted no to my connection to my father’s family.  my father passed away about 10 years ago and i haven’t had a relationship with them since my parents divorced.

     

    feminism isn’t about keeping your maiden name.  it’s about it being your choice.

    Post # 23
    Member
    248 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2020

    I’m planning on taking his name and making my maiden name my middle name. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    1941 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

    I took his last name and I dropped my surname I wanted us to have a family name

    Post # 26
    Member
    220 posts
    Helper bee

    My partner and I flipped a coin to decide whether I would take his last night OR whether he would take mine. We both agreed we wanted to share a surname, mostly so that if we have children we will all have the same name, but double-barelling/merging our names sounded terrible. We’re both towards the beginning of our careers and liked both our last names for different reasons (mine is unique but the source of jokes, his is neither!). As feminists, we also strongly believed it shouldn’t default to me taking his name for the reasons above and wanted it to be genuinely equal so… we flipped a coin! I know its not for everyone, but it was the perfect solution for us and felt win-win.  

    Post # 27
    Member
    5963 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Kept mine. It was my moms last name and it was important to me. My husband didn’t care either way. The only people surprised seemed to be some work people who kept asking when my email was going to change lol. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    9375 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    How did the coin flip turn out? kia2019 :  

    Post # 29
    Member
    285 posts
    Helper bee

    I kept my name and feel very strongly about this. It wasn’t even up for debate. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    7131 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    zzar45 :  I wanted to change my name, but it still took a little getting used to hearing the new one. That’s totally normal! It stopped feeling weird within a couple months though and now it feels completely right. 

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