Did you change your name after marriage?

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
  • poll: What did you do with your name after the wedding?

    Took your partner's

    Kept your own

    Hyphenated

  • Post # 31
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

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    zzar45 :  I’m not married yet (September wedding) but I fully intend to change my name. In my opinion it is part of what really makes a marriage special, I don’t view it as an “ownership” thing even if that is where it originated from, I choose to see it in a romantic/special kinda way.

    Post # 33
    Member
    9462 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Nope. Dh and I are both planning to hypenate one day (only 3 syllables total and it’s already LO’s last name), but haven’t gotten around to it. As the days go by, it just matters less and less.

    Post # 34
    Member
    254 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2020 - New Hampshire

    Not married but have talked about it. I said “would you ever consider taking my last name?” Him: “nope,” me: “then why should I change my last name if you wouldn’t be willing to change yours?” Him: “good point, I don’t care what you do then!” I feel strong about keeping my name. I am the only true Last Name in my family and that’s important to me. We don’t want children, so we don’t really need to worry about that. I also hate the norm of Mr and Mrs His First His Last. I know society seems to be straying from it but I would hate to be reduced to just his name. I’m my own person too! 

    Post # 35
    Member
    338 posts
    Helper bee

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    littlebirdbee :  Thanks for sharing! I thought I was the only one who felt weird about sharing a last name with a family I’m marrying into and turning me into a “sibling” or a cousin lol.

    I always wondered if two people with the same last name ever wondered if they were related but got married anyway or if they would feel icky about marrying someone sharing the same last name in case they’re related… 

    Post # 36
    Member
    1380 posts
    Bumble bee

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    zzar45 :  If he feels strongly that you two have the same name, perhaps a simpler solution would be that he takes yours. Also, how did he end up with a hyphenated name to begin with?

    As to your question, we both kept our names; professionally it would have been confusing otherwise.

    Post # 37
    Member
    2114 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

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    zzar45 :  I kept mine. I had several reasons.

    Firstly, I just did not connect with his name. I didn’t like how my first name sounded with it. It sounded clunky. I don’t like his name. It’s sounds rude and it’s hard to spell. My name is easy to spell and very common. 

    I also had completed my masters when we got engaged. I worked really hard on it and I felt Loz24 HisName was just waltzing in and taking all the glory for the work I did. I know it’s not rational but I realised a large part of my identity was associated with my name. I also attend a lot of external meetings for work which always start with round the table introductions and I didn’t want to go over why I changed my name at every meeting for the next 6 months but using my maiden name for work just felt cumbersome (probably because of the other reasons though).

    As I said earlier, my name is really common. I have an uncommon spelling of my first name but even with the uncommon spelling there are hundreds of me around. I’m really hard to find on social media because I disappear into the masses. I like my privacy. With my husband’s name, I would be one of two with my name (she also has the uncommon spelling). She’s far more accomplished than I will ever be and I guess I also have a bit of inferiority complex.

    At the time. my husband wanted me to take his name but we talked and he gets my point of view. Now, he doesn’t really care. We sometimes call each other by our surname so we still continue with that. Our surnames also start with the same letter, so we call each other ‘Mr D’ and ‘Mrs D’. We’ve agreed that if we have kids they’ll have his surname but if we have a boy they will have my surname as a middle name (my surname also doubles as a boys name). 

    I have a lot of issue 3 years on with people just not getting that my name hasn’t changed. I frequently get post to Mrs HisName and it’s starting to piss me off. I’m a millennial so I understand how to change my name on Facebook, if I’ve not changed my name on social media (which is the most visible way people will see) then it’s safe to assume I’ve not changed my name. I also had this conversation at work the other day were my male colleague was asking how he didn’t know I didn’t change my name. Why is what I did with my name of any relevance to you, random bloke at work? I’ve also been asked why we bothered getting married because we were already cohabiting, we’ve not had kids and will actively say we aren’t trying (after 3 years of marriage) and haven’t changed my name. I wish more women would change their name then I don’t feel as much as an outlier. Sorry about the rant at the end.

    Post # 38
    Member
    1206 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 1983

    Never considered changing my name; I’m not a piece of property, but a person. It has never been a problem.

    Post # 40
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee

    I’m not married yet (this August!) but I’m keeping mine. I just don’t see any point in changing it. If he gets to keep his without a second though, them I’m keeping mine =P 

    Post # 41
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee

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    slyfox4 :  This! I’m engaged and a friend who was getting her address list for her invitations ready sent me a screen shot of her excel and the “To” said “The Future Mr. and Mrs. His Last Name” and I was like.. but what about me? 🙁 She meant it to be cutesy, but it sort of cemented in my reasoning on keeping my name.  

    Post # 42
    Member
    767 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2019

    I added FHs name to mine. No hypen – just two last names. I have a long name anyway so figured why the hell not. Any kids will take just FHs last name.

    Post # 43
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

    I kept mine. I have an identity, a life, and degrees in my name. I am me, and wearing jewelry/filing joint taxes this year (woo!) has no bearing on that. I have no reason not to, outside of “it’s tradition,” which I don’t think is a good excuse for literally anything. Some of my coworkers ribbed me about it but I give less than zero fucks about their thoughts re: what it says on my passport.

    Post # 44
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

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    jellybelly326 :  That’s obnoxious as hell. Why would she do that?

    Post # 45
    Member
    584 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

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    zzar45 :  I felt strongly about changing my name. I was excited to have the same name as my husband, but I mainly feel incredibly strongly about both of us having the same name as our children.  If we didn’t plan to have children I may have been known as his name socially, but not bothered with all the paperwork to change everything officially. 

    Honestly, I don’t see it as a hill to die on.  I never got a choice in my surname, and it was bestowed on me by my father, another male figure.  I love my dad and we’re pretty close, but it just makes more sense to me to have my husbands name now I’m married, rather than my dads.  It symbolises to me that we are starting our own family.  

    I don’t see the point in hyphenations.  I come from a generation where many of my peers had hyphenated surnames and they were long, unweldy and now they are getting married and/or having children, some of them they face difficult choices about dropping one of the names off and hurting either mum or dad.  

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