(Closed) Did you choose any of your bridesmaids strictly out of obligation?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 47
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

No, not at all. I have my sister, my best friend and one of my FSILs. (The one I’ve known for years and who has always understood me. My other Future Sister-In-Law I don’t know at all well and I’m sure she isn’t upset that I haven’t asked her.)

Post # 48
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@Aquaria:  Sure did, picked 2 out of obligation. My 2 stepsisters. One is sweet, the other is incredibly selfish and pretty negative (and technically not even a stepsister). I pretty much completely regret it, as I have 7 BMs now. Maybe it’ll work out on the day of the wedding though…..

Post # 49
Member
516 posts
Busy bee

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@TheVampiresMistress:  Reading this makes me sad.  I’m an older sister who didn’t pay much attention to my younger sister, who adored me, when we were growing up.  I know I had some impact on her self-esteem as well, and I’ve tried to mend what I can . . .

Now we’re best friends, and I hope the same happens for you and your sister someday.

In the meantime, don’t you dare let her spoil your day!  If she’s not nice to you and doesn’t know how to treat you during your bridedom, don’t invite her to be in the bridal party or within a 10-foot radius of you on your day!

Tell your mom that you just want to feel your best, and you don’t feel that way when your sister is around.  Then close the discussion.

Hugs!

Post # 50
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Mine are all sort of out of obligation… (all 5 of them…) 🙁

My sister and my FI’s sister – I’m just not terribly close to either of them. Although its acutally bringing my sis and I together somewhat which is kind of nice.

My cousin – she’s 12. Again, just not terribly close to her.

My FI’s 2 cousins – they are 14 and 17 or something like that and both act about 12 sometimes. Really barely know these two girls except that I told them off for being rude about 1.5 years ago for making a ridiculous fuss about holding hands to say grace at thanksgiving dinner – their parents were already drunk and not doing anything about it… 

The only good thing about my bridal party is that its all family on my side, so I can easily keep people I dont want in it out by saying its only family… Unfortunately that makes it awkward when I actually WANT a friend to be in it… Thinking of making her my Matron of Honor though. (is 2 months before the wedding too late to ask her….? She’s already been more help than all the BM’s put together…)

Post # 51
Member
12245 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I had two BMs, and they were my sister and SIL! So mostly by obligation!

Post # 52
Member
4045 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Sort of. I originally only wanted my best friend as my Maid/Matron of Honor. Then my mother kept saying I should ask my Future Sister-In-Law to be a bridesmaid, and my Fiance made a comment too. It wasn’t anything against her – I just didn’t see the need to have more than a Maid/Matron of Honor, especially when my Fiance was only having a best man.

In the end I asked my Future Sister-In-Law and one other close friend of mine. I’m happy with it. I’m not very picky about what they wear or anything, so I’m really just handing the reigns to my Maid/Matron of Honor to pick the dresses. It’s not adding much to my plate!

Post # 53
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

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@LALaw:  I’m so glad things are better for you and your lil’ sis! Me and mine are trying but it’s a slow process often facilitated by alcohol or the presence of an adorable pet. Unfortunately me and my SO are cat people so our pets won’t be at the wedding but perhaps if I asked her to bring her dog as ring bearer that would help a bit 🙂

My family in general is really bad for my self esteem, so it’s not just my sister I’m worried about but she’s the only ‘must have’ in the wedding party. Someone will act up on the day, I’m absolutely certain, and I will just have to deal with the slight in the usual way – by not seeing, calling or interacting with them for a few years. In the meantime I’ll be surrounded with my strongest supporters, gathered in one place for the first time ever, so I’m absolutely positive I can handle anything with almost my usual strength and grace.

Post # 54
Member
516 posts
Busy bee

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@TheVampiresMistress:  That’s a great attitude!

I wish you the best- enjoy yourself on your day!

Post # 55
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

Obligation isn’t quite the right word. I have my SIL, and we aren’t great friends or anything because her brother and I live in a different state and we don’t see each other very much. That being said, I wanted her to be a part of this day. She is HIS sister, I am marrying him, so it didn’t feel like an obligation.

Post # 56
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I didn’t have to include anyone I didn’t want since I have no sisters and Fiance is an only child. I chose 3 HS friends, 1 college friend, 1 collegue, and 1 cousin. However, I have 3 brothers and I was very pleased when Fiance chose 5 close friends from different areas and one of my brothers that he was pretty close with, and then suggested that my other two brothers should be ushers and still be included in his groomsmen outings and bachelor party and stuff. I was glad that he didn’t feel obligated to include them all for groomsmen when he has so many close friends he wanted to have next to him, but he still wanted them to be included in our wedding party in some way. He knew that I am very close to my brothers but would never want him to include them just because. I feel like it was a great compromise and there were no feelings hurt. Sometimes it just takes “reconfiguring” a bit and finding another place for those family members.

Post # 57
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I didn’t choose any bridesmaids out of a sense of obligation, and Fiance didn’t either. His mom tried to guilt him into making his brother a groomsman even though they’ve never gotten along for a day in their lives. I think we might have him hand out programs or something to appease his mother, but we’re not putting him up there next to us.

Post # 58
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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@badabing88:  y’all are my soul sisters. No BMs = no stress. For anyone!

Post # 59
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My only sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and I have regretted that choice about a week after asking her. I wish I would have had my best friend as my Maid/Matron of Honor and another friend as a bridesmaid.

Post # 60
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@MrsEdamame:  Your sister sounds like my younger sister who is also my Maid/Matron of Honor. I asked my sister because our relationship was great…at the time. The minute my engagement ring went on and the attention wasn’t hers she’s been a pain ever since.

She’s inviting her new boyfriend to my parents house to meet my family for the first time the morning of my wedding. She was casually dating him for 4 months and over the past 2 weeks they’ve made it official and she moved in with him. She’s had so many opportunities to introduce him but she has chosen my wedding day to do so.

I think Sister’s have a tough relationship, there is always some kind of jealousy.

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