(Closed) Did you contact people who didn't RSVP?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Did you (will you) contact people who don't RSVP?
    No : (5 votes)
    13 %
    Yes : (34 votes)
    87 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    I would take a non-reply as a “no” too. I would find it annoying if someone was calling me about their wedding. If I don’t reply with a yes, then that means no. Calling me won’t change that. One bride did this to me (before the cards were even due back!) and it just seemed desperate to me.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6344 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Technically, if someone doesn’t RSVP, it should be assumed that they aren’t attending. However, these days, it’s anyone’s guess as to why people haven’t RSVP’d, and you do hear of people not RSVPing and then attending, so personally, I think it’s wise to follow up and insure that you have a firm response either way.

    I’m hoping we won’t have an issue with people not RSVPing, however, if they don’t RSVP within the timeline, we will likely call, and say something like, ‘Hi there, I’m just calling as we haven’t received your RSVP and the deadline we gave has now passed; are you able to attend?’. But I would give them the benefit of the doubt and contact them before marking them down as a definite ‘no’.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1864 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I followed up with people (mostly close friends and family) who had been really excited about coming and we hadn’t heard back from.  Some estranged family members (estranged by their choice), I didn’t follow up with because we assumed they weren’t coming. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    6344 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @BoxerLady:  But why could you not have simply RSVPd no? I don’t get this, and find it rude. If someone invites you to an event, be that a wedding or a simple dinner party, the polite thing to do is to respond either way. If I couldn’t attend an event no way would I just ignore the invite; that is such bad manners.

    However I do agree with you on chasing people when the deadline hasn’t passed, I do not get this at all; if you set a deadline, that is the deadline, to start pestering people before it’s even passed is incredibly bad manners. I also think that persistence is off-putting; in our case, if someone doesn’t RSVP, and is wishy-washy when we follow up, we’ll simply send them a polite note/email expressing our regrets that they’re unable to come; we wouldn’t keep hounding them, but, we WOULD make it clear that there wouldn’t be space for them, and that our wedding isn’t something you can just decide to show up to last-minute because you’ve got nothing better on..

    Post # 8
    Member
    322 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    We contacted people who did not RSVP and were very glad we did. A couple people’s yes RSVPs had gotten lost in the mail! Also, literally half our guest list did not RSVP and we needed to know for sure. If we would have assumed all of them were no’s we would have been in trouble!

    Post # 9
    Member
    11234 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We’ll be splitting this up when the time comes, if need be. People will get one chance to reply before our cushion is up and if they don’t reply before then, they get marked as a no.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    @barbie86:  I always do reply (at least I try), but I was just saying that if I didn’t, I would think the bride would just assume it meant “no.” I can see both sides because obviously the bride doesn’t want people she isn’t expecting to show up. You would think that people would have enough common sense to know that if they haven’t replied, they can’t just come…

    @MrsBeck:  I think life just gets in the way. People don’t mean to be annoying or not follow the rules, but sometimes we just get busy. The wedding is the #1 priroity for you, but chances are it isn’t for your guests. There was one time, I admit, where I completely forgot to send the card back. It got buried on my desk and only when Fiance found it and said, “what’s this?” did I realize my mistake.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1004 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Yes, call them… the response card has a “yes” and “no” option for a reason, and it is rude of a guest to give no response.

     

    I’ve been calling people  and have some who just forgot to send it, or assumed I somehow “knew” they were coming. I definitely don’t want to be surprised by people showing up after no response!

    Post # 12
    Member
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    @vorpalette:  What happens if they show up anyway though? Would you kick them out? I think I would, lol.

    Post # 13
    Member
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @MrsBeck:  I think it depends on how many don’t respond. If it’s only a couple people than it would be much safer to assume no than if it were 15 or 20 (depending on how big your wedding is). It’s possible that it could be a generational thing, but everything that I’ve read about RSVP’s says that you should leave yourself some wiggle room between when the RSVP’s need to be in and when your final count is due to call those that haven’t responded to get a definite final count.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    270 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    you know what happens when you ass-u-me, right…? 🙂 When you are paying per head and giving your venue a total count, it’s that much more expensive when unexpected guests show up. People should respect that and reply, whether it’s yes or no (the postage is already paid for goodness sake! just put it in your mailbox and let the mailman take it!). when they don’t have the courtesy to do that, you are totally in your right (and absolutely should) hunt them down and commit them to an answer.

    Post # 16
    Member
    11234 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @BoxerLady:  I plan on letting them know in the follow up that if they do not RSVP by x date, they will be marked as a no and there will be no place for them at the reception. 

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