(Closed) Did you contact people who didn't RSVP?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Did you (will you) contact people who don't RSVP?



  • Post # 17
    6401 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    @BoxerLady:  I agree there are genuine cases where people forget; which is why I make a point of replying straight away to any invites; the way I see it is I’m either free, or I’m not, and I either want to attend, or I don’t; if I know I do/don’t want to go, I reply straight away. If I was in a situation where I couldn’t, eg because of booking time off at work, I would speak to the person, and let them know I wanted to attend, but that I would confirm nearer the time once I’d cleared it with work, because to me that’s polite. I appreciate not everyone is so organised, and can also see it slipping someone’s mind if it isn’t a close friend or relative.

    As for people having common sense: the world of wedding forums has made me realise that actually, many people do not; you do hear of people attending who haevn’t RSVPd and it causing major issues with seating, food, etc. While I very very much doubt this would happen in our case (though TBH I also don’t think we’ll have to chase anyone as it’s a fairly small wedding with close friends and family who actually care about us, not a big affair with 200 people we barely know), I wouldn’t want to take any chances!

    Post # 18
    196 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I think it’s within reason to contact people who are close family members and friends. However, if your great aunt twice removed doesn’t rsvp, I would just go ahead and take it as a no.

    Post # 19
    6401 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    @futuregattman:  Also this. We’re leaving about 2 months between ours, just to allow for ‘stragglers’.

    Post # 20
    4499 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I assumed the non-rsvps were no’s, and they were. But I like to avoid awkwardness at any cost.  There’s no harm in asking!

    Post # 21
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @MrsBeck:  I reached out to people because I figured some may just not have gotten round to sending the RSVP plus I was worried they would show up when I hadn’t accounted for them.

    I recommend calling or e-mailing once or twice.  If they still don’t respond, I’d contact one more time just to say, “We’re sorry you won’t be able to join us” just so they (hopefully) know that coming is no longer an option. 

    Post # 22
    360 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I would definitely assume that not sending the card back means “No”. A few exceptions to this would be…

    1. people you seriously thought would be coming but didn’t send one back (perhaps they never received your invitation?)

    2. If you are finding that a huge chunk of your list didn’t respond, that would send red flags in my mind that maybe something happened. If two or three extra people show up it won’t ruin your plans (even though it’s rude!) , but if 25 extra people show up, that could be a logistical nightmare! 

    In those cases I would reach out, but other than that I would just assume no and no bother with it. 

    Post # 23
    9800 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I would contact them, or at least the people you are expecting to be able to come.  In the past I was pretty bad about about returning the RSVP by the due date so there have definitely been times I meant to let them know but simply lost track of the time.  I never minded if someone asked me.

    Just want to make sure you have an accurate headcount and it’s very helpful if you’re doing assigned tables.  Not fun if a bunch of people show up with nowhere to sit.

    Post # 24
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    View original reply
    @barbie86:  That makes sense. I am super organized about work and my own life, but I guess I just don’t really care about weddings. If something isn’t a priority for me, it’s easy to slip through the cracks. I pay bills the first day I get them, but I see wedding invites and think, oh I will get to this later. I should put Fiance in charge of them, lol.

    Post # 25
    2703 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I don’t think you can assume that just because they don’t RSVP it means they aren’t coming.  There could be many reasons why a guest hasn’t RSVPed. 

    -The invite could have gotten lost in the mail (several of our guests didn’t receive an invite and they all came).

    -People get busy and forget.  There have been times where I’ve planned to attend a wedding but totally forgot when the RSVP deadline was and missed it.  I try to RSVP on time, but sometimes I’m a dumbass and forget.

    -The RSVP gets lost or delayed in the mail (this also happened to us).

    About 25% of our guests didn’t RSVP and most of those guests planned to and did attend our wedding.  It’s really not that hard to shoot people a text, email, FB message, or give them a quick call to determine if they are coming or not. 

    Post # 26
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Not contacting would have been mighty dangerous in my case. We would have ended up with 15-20 “extras” on the day of. I think part of that is regional, and part generational. Plus, I had my aunt telling me one of my cousins and her family were coming, but I hadn’t received their RSVP, and since I had a separate children’s area, I needed to know which kids would want to sit where. So I had to contact. I also discovered that one of my guests had never received his invitation.

    Post # 27
    243 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We waited until a week after RSVPs were due, and then emailed those who had not responded.  It was around 40 people! About half of those we called are planning to come but either lost the card or forgot to send in a response.  I’m glad we contacted those people –  20 extra people makes a huge difference in cost!  Nobody seemed to mind that we contacted them – most were embarassed that they had not sent in a reply yet.  


    Post # 28
    11736 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Most of ours were nos, but there were also some that just forgot they hadn’t RSVPd, and others whose RSVP got lost in the mail.  I think it’s dangerous to assume a lack of an RSVP is a no.  Just reach out to those who didn’t RSVP. It doesn’t take long at all to do.  

    My parents went to a wedding and RSVPd yes early on. It got lost in the mail and no one ever contacted them to follow up. THey got there and there was nowhere there for them to sit. It was incredibly awkward for both them and the B&G.

    The topic ‘Did you contact people who didn't RSVP?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors