(Closed) did you cut any friends out of your life after the wedding? I’m conflicted.

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t regret including them in my wedding, but I have a friendship or two that I sort of realized during the engagement that they just didn’t care about being my friend in return. So this past year, I’ve been a pretty pathetic friend because I have no balls to just confront them and end the relationship that way. It is sad to know that I misjudged our relationship but since the wedding is over, it is also nice that I don’t have to feel pressure to keep them happy and I can just let them drift away.

Post # 4
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

*sigh* long reply that got eaten when I tried to post.

I was the bad friend so I’ll reply from my perspective.  I was a bridesmaid to a friend I had known for 13 years.  I was in a new relationship, and this guy demanded that I keep him company through all the wedding and pre-wedding activities.  Stupidly I agreed.  Turned out to be an emotionally abusive relationship. 

My friend confronted me about not being there for her during her wedding. We had a tearful conversation as I knew I had not been supportive.  Following this she tried at all costs to avoid my ex and this dealt another blow to our friendship. I broke up with my ex after 2 very bad years.

Since then I really tried to repair and keep a friendship going with her.  It’s now about 5 years since the wedding.  I’ve straight out asked her if she has interest in me being in her life (esp when it came to planning a baby shower for her) to which she has replied yes.  But it’s became clear that she puts no effort into reaching out to me.  I only see her at group gatherings or if I make the drive to see her in our hometown (a little over an hour away), so maybe 2-3 times/year.  I still enjoy seeing her and come away feeling glad I visited.  But I also have resentment when it turns out that she’s visited other friends who live much farther away than I do.  Sometimes I think I should take the hint and just let things drift but that seems awkward and complicated as we are in a larger group of friends.

I plan to invite her to my wedding (date to be determined) but will not ask her to be a bridesmaid. 

So I don’t know why your friend was not there for you.  But if you are feeling resentment I think you should tell her how you feel and why.  This way there are no unaswered questions. 

Post # 5
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

What I have learned is the majority of friendships have expiration dates due to people always growing and becoming different people. there are very few friendships that last decades.

 

I have friends I was very close to and either something in their or my life caused a new chapter to begin and the other person was not on the same page.

 

I am in the process (not so much of ridding myself of bad friendships) but moving on with becoming a wife and eventually a mother. The majority of my friends I have held dear for many years are having less and less similar to me which naturally will distance us and I presume will within the next two years grow to the point where they are nothing more than a facebook status update.

 

It’s sad but its life, I look forward to meeting new people with common interests and similar situations as I.

Post # 6
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

All friendships do not last forever.  And friendhsips that last for a long time go through changes over the years.  Either way, thing will not always be as they were in the beginning.  

Post # 7
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

This made me sad because I know how you feel, My wedding isn’t until Oct but my best friend (MOH) and I had a huge falling out and are no longer friends. I’m sad about it but for some reason my wedding has brought out the worst in her and I really never knew she could be so mean. There’s nothing I can do about it but I do think sometimes you are just on different chapters of your life and it sounds like maybe you and your friend are. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 9
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I kinda cut one of my married friends out. She’ll never be cut, cut as she married my guys good friend.

During her planning I wanted to punch her in the face always. She acted whiney, spoiled, rich, snobby, I’m too good for that, kinda person. I just wasn’t interested in being tight with her after her true colours came out. I made a concious effort to sell her out as much as possible I wanted nothing to do with how she was acting. I was very sucessful, almost too sucessful.

We see eachother from time to time, but we’ll never be besties like we once were.

Post # 10
Member
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I haven’t gone through with it, but I’m seeing it happen to my Maid/Matron of Honor. I have been friends with my Maid/Matron of Honor since pre-school. We’ve had fights were we didn’t speak to each other for 2 years. We’ve had crying marathons at the bar together. We almost physically fought one time. Over the years we have grown, but grown together. I can’t imagine my life without her. She is my oldest friend.

Anyway, she is actually the Maid/Matron of Honor in our friends wedding and the wedding is just tearing them a part. She told her friend to not ask for opinions if she really just wanted someone to agree with her. They are fighting about little stuff the bride isn’t thinking about, but the Maid/Matron of Honor feels it should be for the guests. (Like providing chairs for a 30 minute outdoor July ceremony)

I’m sure the bride would say that her Maid/Matron of Honor is being unreasonable to another person and the Maid/Matron of Honor would say the bride is becoming a bridezilla. Two sides to every story. I happen to know both sides and it’s not pretty.

I hope your friend is able to get past whatever issues she had and continues your friendship.

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