(Closed) Did you discuss the proposal in advance?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I did not discuss the proposal per say, but we did discuss getting married/engaged and when we thought it would be a good time etc. We never agreed upon a time or anything so I had to wait patiently lol but he just proposed this summer. We have lived together for 2 years this Dec, and been together for 3 years. Also we are in our 30’s.

Post # 3
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I started dating my DH when I was still in college, but even then by the time we had been together for a year we started discussing marriage. We agreed to have this conversation again after three years together.

On our fifth year -two years before he proposed- I asked if he still wanted to get married to me. He said yes and we started talking about it. I told him I wanted to get engaged before our 8 years mark, he said he wanted to marry me before hitting 30 years. We saw some rings together, shared ideas on venues, fantasize about luxurious weddings, etc. One day he decided to ask me how I pictured my proposal. Eventually he proposed.

Post # 4
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I think it’s good to have a discussion first! If you’re at the point where you feel ready to be married and he is the one you want to be married to, bring it up, and see if you both are on the same page in terms of timelines and being ready for marriage. It can be a scary discussion for sure, but necessary in my opinion.

For me, we had decided in very early 2016 that we were ready for the commitment. We’d been together nearly 3 years at the time (I’m 29, he’s 28) and were also looking at buying property together. At that point we started discussing rings, what I wanted and didn’t want in a proposal, and general timelines – that we’d probably get engaged within the year. So I wasn’t blindsided at all, but surprised because I left details up to him 🙂

Post # 5
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

We were together for 7 years before the proposal (started dating at 18) we talked about the proposal and marriage years before it happened. I’m a strong believer that proposals shouldn’t be a total surprise. Marriage is a huge step that should be a discussion between both partners not a decision made by one.

We also went ring shopping together because he wanted to make sure I loved the ring.

Post # 6
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

We didn’t talk about the proposal itself, but we talked about marriage early and often in our 5 year relationship. We’ve always been pretty open (and luckily on the same page) about timelines. We went ring shopping together, so I knew a proposal was coming eventually, but we never discussed the details about the actual event.

I liked being surprised by the proposal, even though I knew it was coming! The only time I’d say you should talk about the actual proposal itself is if there’s anything that he could do that would make you seriously consider not saying yes. And if that’s the case, don’t hint at it and hope he gets it – they never get it lol

Post # 7
404 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
sweetsweetdee :  I think it’s more likely that people will discuss whether they see a future together and want to get married (and potentially also a timeline for when they see themselves getting married) than discussing the specific details of the proposal. This is also more important, because a marriage is the process of building a life together, and you’ll definitely want to have a lot of conversations about how you want to do that.

As far as discussing details about the proposal, I’m sure some women did and some women didn’t.

Post # 8
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
sweetsweetdee :  Welcome to the Bee!!  🙂

We discussed marriage, a general timeline, and looked at ring styles online.  The actual proposal was his doing – I didn’t know exactly when it would happen.  

Post # 9
527 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

We haven’t discussed the proposal, but we have discussed what type of ring I would like (my finger size 😉 ) and a timeline. I want to hope he will catch me off guard with the actualy proposal, but we shall see.

This being said, I had to initiate every conversation about marriage, but he is slowly starting to bring it up himself now (#winning). It was a slow process, but we are finally in the home stretch!

Post # 10
2236 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m guessing by “proposal” you mean “getting married.” In which case, yes. 

I wouldn’t have moved in with someone unless we had agreed it was a step toward marriage.

SO and I were together ~7 months when we had that conversation, then he asked me to move in shortly after. I moved in with him a few months ago, and we plan to start the process of creating a ring in 3 months (January.)

He says he wants to propose next Spring/Summer, so we’ll have been together around a year and a half when we get engaged. 

Post # 11
914 posts
Busy bee

We have a specific timeline, with a 6 month window in which my guy will propose, and we’ll be designing the ring together, but the proposal is totally his.

We’re both on the same page – I want a dog, but he wants to buy a house before the dog, and I want to be engaged before buying a house, so we know the order, and the general timeframe for the things we’re aiming for.

Just for reference, I’m 29 and he’s 36. 

Post # 12
2260 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Yes,  we talked about everything.  We went ring shopping together and I knew exactly when he got it.  (He proposed the same day he got it)  I had also told him how I wanted to be proposed to: just us, without anyone around.

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