Post # 1
Well hello there! This is my first post everrrrrr!
My boyfriend and I are both 30 years old and have been with each other for almost 2 years. We have a wonderfully loving, supportive and playful relationship and moved in together this past summer. We are both pretty family-centric, and are now more or less the last of all our friends to not be married.
Soooo my question is – did you discuss the proposal in advance? Because he hasn’t talked to me about rings or how I want to be proposed to or anything – does that mean we are still light years away? Do you have those conversations in advance, or were you completely surprised and blindsided by your proposal??
Post # 2
I did not discuss the proposal per say, but we did discuss getting married/engaged and when we thought it would be a good time etc. We never agreed upon a time or anything so I had to wait patiently lol but he just proposed this summer. We have lived together for 2 years this Dec, and been together for 3 years. Also we are in our 30’s.
Post # 3
I started dating my Darling Husband when I was still in college, but even then by the time we had been together for a year we started discussing marriage. We agreed to have this conversation again after three years together.
On our fifth year -two years before he proposed- I asked if he still wanted to get married to me. He said yes and we started talking about it. I told him I wanted to get engaged before our 8 years mark, he said he wanted to marry me before hitting 30 years. We saw some rings together, shared ideas on venues, fantasize about luxurious weddings, etc. One day he decided to ask me how I pictured my proposal. Eventually he proposed.
Post # 4
I think it’s good to have a discussion first! If you’re at the point where you feel ready to be married and he is the one you want to be married to, bring it up, and see if you both are on the same page in terms of timelines and being ready for marriage. It can be a scary discussion for sure, but necessary in my opinion.
For me, we had decided in very early 2016 that we were ready for the commitment. We’d been together nearly 3 years at the time (I’m 29, he’s 28) and were also looking at buying property together. At that point we started discussing rings, what I wanted and didn’t want in a proposal, and general timelines – that we’d probably get engaged within the year. So I wasn’t blindsided at all, but surprised because I left details up to him 🙂
Post # 5
We were together for 7 years before the proposal (started dating at 18) we talked about the proposal and marriage years before it happened. I’m a strong believer that proposals shouldn’t be a total surprise. Marriage is a huge step that should be a discussion between both partners not a decision made by one.
We also went ring shopping together because he wanted to make sure I loved the ring.
Post # 6
We didn’t talk about the proposal itself, but we talked about marriage early and often in our 5 year relationship. We’ve always been pretty open (and luckily on the same page) about timelines. We went ring shopping together, so I knew a proposal was coming eventually, but we never discussed the details about the actual event.
I liked being surprised by the proposal, even though I knew it was coming! The only time I’d say you should talk about the actual proposal itself is if there’s anything that he could do that would make you seriously consider not saying yes. And if that’s the case, don’t hint at it and hope he gets it – they never get it lol
Post # 7
sweetsweetdee : I think it’s more likely that people will discuss whether they see a future together and want to get married (and potentially also a timeline for when they see themselves getting married) than discussing the specific details of the proposal. This is also more important, because a marriage is the process of building a life together, and you’ll definitely want to have a lot of conversations about how you want to do that.
As far as discussing details about the proposal, I’m sure some women did and some women didn’t.
Post # 8
sweetsweetdee : Welcome to the Bee!! 🙂
We discussed marriage, a general timeline, and looked at ring styles online. The actual proposal was his doing – I didn’t know exactly when it would happen.
Post # 9
We haven’t discussed the proposal, but we have discussed what type of ring I would like (my finger size 😉 ) and a timeline. I want to hope he will catch me off guard with the actualy proposal, but we shall see.
This being said, I had to initiate every conversation about marriage, but he is slowly starting to bring it up himself now (#winning). It was a slow process, but we are finally in the home stretch!
Post # 10
I’m guessing by “proposal” you mean “getting married.” In which case, yes.
I wouldn’t have moved in with someone unless we had agreed it was a step toward marriage.
SO and I were together ~7 months when we had that conversation, then he asked me to move in shortly after. I moved in with him a few months ago, and we plan to start the process of creating a ring in 3 months (January.)
He says he wants to propose next Spring/Summer, so we’ll have been together around a year and a half when we get engaged.
Post # 11
We have a specific timeline, with a 6 month window in which my guy will propose, and we’ll be designing the ring together, but the proposal is totally his.
We’re both on the same page – I want a dog, but he wants to buy a house before the dog, and I want to be engaged before buying a house, so we know the order, and the general timeframe for the things we’re aiming for.
Just for reference, I’m 29 and he’s 36.
Post # 12
Yes, we talked about everything. We went ring shopping together and I knew exactly when he got it. (He proposed the same day he got it) I had also told him how I wanted to be proposed to: just us, without anyone around.
Post # 13
napabride17 : When we moved in together, we had the conversation about how this was a very purposeful move-in: we weren’t doing it to save money or out of convenience, but because we were moving forward in our relationship and going that way. We now seem to be planning our lives and discussing our future as one, even though marriage/wedding/babies is never specifically referred to.
A lot of times when I talk to my friends about this and ask about if I should initiate a marriage talk, the vast majority of them say that’s not how it works! That they never had that talk, guy just proposed, etc. So I don’t want to come off as overbearing/crazy/bridezilla etc. I know everyone’s different though!
Post # 14
milena : yes, perhaps my phrasing has been a bit confusing. I’m not concerned about the proposal ie where it happens and how, but referring more to the idea that we are getting married and that he’s ready for that and that’s our next step together!
Post # 15
sparklesauce : Hahaha good for you and hope the proposal is a surprise for you too! Good luck!