Post # 1
I made a post yesterday about the cost of an officiant. We are going to go with our friend’s dad, who is a pastor. We, however, are not religious in any way, shape, or form. He is happy to do a civil ceremony for us but still *suggested* we do a pre-marriage course. We don’t have to but it’s one of those strong recommendations.
Did you do one? What did you learn? Was it valuable? My fear is that this course will be faith based, which will not resonate with us at all. If I am completely honest, I think it will be a complete waste of time and as everyone knows, time is a valuable commodity. I’m pretty sure we won’t do it, but I want to hear your experiences.
Post # 3
We did and it was faith based, but the course was not overtly religious. I actually enjoyed it a lot. We received workbooks and did several exercises during the day that I found extremely helpful. Down to who we expect to do which chores, etc. We lived in tx at the time and I think you got like an $80 discount on a marriage license, but we did not get married there. However I am sure that is also a benefit if interested!
Post # 4
@MrsPanda99: Ours had a little bit of faith based info. The majority of the information was about communication, finding out info about our family of origin, it had a little bit about love languages, and working through some areas of contention.
I would say that it wasn’t too much of a help because I am going to school to be a psychotherapist so most of the info I already knew.
We are still doing ours but it equates to about 4 one hour sessions. We have homework on the side and some of it can be cheesy but some of our homework was just asking each other 100 questions.
I would recommend a course like that to anyone getting married.
Post # 5
@MrsPanda99: We did not do one. We are not religious either. I think there is value in it though, and from what I understand the purpose is to open the lines of communication and see where each of you stands on various issues. I think we could all benefit from something like that 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
We did with my FI’s pastor. He is the one marrying us as well.
It was faith based a bit. But not overtly so, I don’t think! He talked a lot about how to communicate. He stressed we need to find out how we communicate so we understand each other better. We did pray before and after each session, and he encouraged us to pray for each other, and he did talk about God in the grand scheme of marriage, but not in a “bow down to your husband” and “have as many kids as the Lord declares you to” kind of way. More in like a “don’t forget about God in your lives and for your marriage.”
He also normally talks a lot about budgeting because it’s one of the things that breaks couples up the most. However, when we started our counseling sessions we had recently gotten a joint bank account and were in the process of buying a home. He asked us to bring a “basic budget” and all I had to do was print out the color coded calendars with $$ amounts and dates and he was like “oh yeah. You guys are good.”
He also had us do the love languages tests, and he told us some good advice: if we run into troubles we need to sometimes seek advice out from a third party. Our friends and family will find it hard not to be biased towards each of us respectively, and they would have a harder time forgiving the other one if hurtful words were said, you know?
He gave us a list of major things we should talk about before marriage, and we had mostly done them anyway. He was so thrilled that we were already communicating and planning so well! Which also was just nice to hear. It was a huge affirmation that not only are we in super-duper love, but that we have already done a nice job of laying the groundwork for all the pieces of marriage that go above or beside love 🙂
Post # 7
we had to because we got married in a church but it wasnt that bad. It was run very well and it wasnt tooo religously. It was mostly about communication, how you work with eachother, learning about eachothers love language, things like “how did your household look like growing up, and do you expect the same for your family?” ie: some people sit at the dinner table every night, where some families eat in diff rooms in front of tv’s etc…. how do you want to raise your kids in that respect?
that was one funny thing for me and FI…. his family had dinner every night together, where mine was all over the place, and I found out that to my FI (now DH) that was something REALLY impt to him he wants for his kids/us… that he never realized, and I never knew until it was brought up…..
It just gets you to think about some things that maybe never came up, or just never thought about before.
Post # 8
We did one (non-religious) and loved it! I seriously recommend it to everyone and I really feel that althought we didn’t NEED it, it really made us realize why exactly we wanted to be married and helped us prepare for a life together.
I’m on my way out the door but I will post again with more detail later.
Post # 9
What sorts of questions/activities were you given during the counseling sessions? Would anyone mind sharing? I feel like, even though I’ve been married over a year (OMG how did the time go so quickly?!?!) it would still be beneficial to check-in, so to speak, every now and then.
Panda- Sorry if this is threadjack- I can start my own spinoff thread if you like 🙂
Post # 10
I think it would be helpful for couples that havent been together for long (maybe if you’ve been together less than 2 years) or especially if a couple hasn’t lived together. I certainly don’t think my FI and I need it after 12 years of dating and 8 years of living together, but I can see it being really beneficial for couples that haven’t been together long.
Post # 11
@MrsPanda99: Our church that we got married at gave us the option to go with someone who was not faith based, so we went with her but only because she meshed with our work schedules. It was a lot of fun. Even htough we get along, don’t argue, and have very little issues, we still found out a lot about each other that we never knew before. It was wonderful.
She gave us a 150 question paper with questions like what role do you think the husband/wife has? How do you feel about family? Discipling children, cleaning up messed, work schedule, sex, everything was involved on that sheet. It was truly fascinating to see things we never thougt of.
Post # 12
@DaneLady: No worries! What you’re asking is part of my original post 🙂
Post # 13
We met a few times with our rabbi, discussed our views on religion, the marriage, each other, etc to discuss our feelings on religion and the marriage, bringing two units into the marriage and making it one unit, etc. These were done by short writing assignments. That was pretty much it, and we also discussed the ceremony and making it “ours”. 🙂
Post # 14
@MrsPanda99: Ours was through the church where we got married, which is also the church in which I grew up. Obviously it was faith-based, but neither one of us much cared; we just politely listened so we could get done with it so we could get married there.
Neither one of us is religious now (DH has always been an atheist and I have been agnostic for fifteen years or so) but I really wanted to stick with tradition – I always envisioned myself walking down that familiar aisle. 🙂 So for the one day, I pretended like I still fit in.
Post # 15
@DaisyBelle: We were both raised in a religious context but it isn’t true to who we are now. I want to ensure our wedding rings true to who we are as a couple and resonates with our lives, not what we are “supposed to be” and “supposed to do.”
If it isn’t a faith based course, I might consider it. However, I’m quite sure that given the location of a church that there is going to be a significant god component…which neither of us actually believe in.
Post # 16
We did both DH and I are Lutheran but not very religous to get married in my church back home it was required to do class which we did.