(Closed) Did you do the proposing?

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think a lot of women actually do the proposing, even though they don’t think they are.  It’s sort of weird when you think about it, when a woman says to her SO “I want to get married, when are you going to propose?”  That’s sort of the proposal right there, isn’t it? hehe

All that aside, have you talked about marriage and when you would like to get married?  I think making sure you communicate and are on the same page is key.  If you have, and are both ready to get married, I think just speaking from the heart is always your best bet.

Post # 5
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Have you brought up the topic at all with him?  FI and I discussed marriage a long time before we got engaged.  We decided about a year to six months in advance that we wanted to get engaged last summer.  When that summer rolled around we started talking about it more.  I basically knew the date we would get engaged, so it wasn’t much of a surprise proposal at all!  The only element of surprise was the ring, which was great.  I also got him a “proposal gift” as well πŸ™‚

Honestly, I think “surprise” proposals are outdated.  Marriage is a very important life-altering decision that a woman (or a man, for that matter) shouldn’t be surprised with.  I am a firm believer that marriage should be discussed at length and decided on between both parties. And then after a conclusion has been met, a fun “surprise” proposal can happen just for the heck of it (while in reality both parties are technically already engaged and fully understand that marriage is in the near future).

I would have a long talk with your SO.  Ask him where he sees you as a couple in a year, two years, five years, and ten years.  Make sure you are on the same page. Decide together when you feel you both would be ready for marriage.  Then make sure you are also on the same page for a proposal.  Sketch out a timeline that is comfortable for both of you.  It will make you both feel a lot better, because he won’t feel like he’s being rushed into something and you won’t feel like you have to wait for something that will never come.

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@EleanorRigby: I agree with you on that one!! The notion of a man proposing is just a gesture of tradition. πŸ™‚ I don’t see why a woman can’t propose, but she needs to make sure that he’s okay with that (some guys don’t like it when you take their moment :P). Also, any girl who wants to propose should make sure he wants to marry her 100% (not 70% or 80%).

@OP i don’t really think that you proposing is taking much pressure off of him. he’ll have people asking him “how did you propose?”, and also the surprise from you asking may be putting him on the spot (what if he’s already planning a proposal? what if the idea hasn’t matured enough in his head?)

Post # 8
Member
4038 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I asked Darling Husband to marry me every single day for the 9 or so months it took him to propose after we had the big marriage talk. Every.single.day. He would smile indulgently at me, but never took it seriously, because it was important to him to be the one to do the proposing. But hey, at least he knew there was a 0% chance that I was going to say no…

Post # 9
Member
2308 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I did, but he didn’t take me seriously. Might be because the ring I gave him had dolphins on the side.

Post # 11
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I proposed to my FI! πŸ™‚ We had been talking about it and he didn’t care if I asked and I’m impatient so I just asked him. 

Post # 13
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I proposed in a joking manner and Boyfriend or Best Friend was not happy about it since he wants to do it himself. So that won’t happen again.

Post # 14
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I kind of did. We had been together for almost 10 years and he had kept asking me over the years and I had kept saying no; yeah I know; right, what was I thinking. Well, I had been in a very abusive relationship before him, and I didn’t want to every get married again because in my mind, guys change after marriage.

Anyway, on March 31, 2009, I decided that I was finally ready, so when I packed his lunch I decided to write him a note. It said: “Do you still want to marry me? Check Yes or No”. I even put boxes by the yes and no options πŸ™‚

When he got home on April 1st (April Fool’s Day), he gave me a great big hug and kiss and said Yes!!! He had forgotten it was April Fool’s Day though because a couple of days later, he had a strange look on his face and I asked him what was wrong and he said: “Were you joking?” I didn’t get it at first because I had also forgotten about April Fool’s Day; it is just another day to us, so I had to ask him about what; then he told me that he thought that I might be joking about getting married. Of course I told him I wasn’t joking and we both had a good laugh πŸ™‚

Post # 16
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@kamielynn: Aww thats awesome… Did he have any clue that you may have wanted to ask him?

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