Did you/do you prefer SO to ask for your parents blessing? Religious or not?

posted 2 weeks ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

We’re both atheists from families who would probably cop out with the “I’m spiritual but not religious” line of thought, and nope, no blessings. My dad is very opposed to the idea of his future son-in-laws asking (which is funny since he’s the most conservative person in the family, even without religion), and I felt very strongly that Fiance not clue anyone in beforehand…I wanted to be the first to know!

Post # 4
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee

My dad is very catholic so my husband talked to him before proposing. I don’t really know the nature of the conversation (apart from my dad saying he approved) but I think that my dad enjoyed it and really felt respected by it. I think he also talked a bit about catholic stuff to my hubby but that didn’t bother him at all. 

It doesn’t have to be a formal “asking for a blessing” chat, it can just be a nice discussion about why he loves you etc. I think so whatever you feel is right. Your parents might go on some religious rant but who cares? Just prepare your boyfriend for that. 

Post # 5
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

ladama :  You know, I’m not really sure. I suspect it’s because he feels very strongly that he’s raised us to be independent. Not to mention, unlike ye olden days, people (my sister and I included) date for a long time prior to marriage. He knew my now-FI well and would have voiced any objections long ago. All I know is that he told my sister and I to tell any boyfriends that if they ever asked for permission/blessings, he’d say no. 

Post # 6
Member
11136 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

My parents would have been concerned if husband had asked their permission. I was not property. 

Post # 9
Member
3110 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

We were in our mid 30’s when we met. At that point we didn’t really run things by our folks. But even if we had met when we were younger I wouldn’t have felt the need for him to get any blessings. 

Post # 11
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I wouldn’t have wanted him to ask for a blessing. The decision to get married was between my partner and I, no one else.

Post # 12
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

 With subsequent updates, I’d have a talk with your FH about it. It sounds like your parents are quite keen to bring you two into the fold, and him asking for a blessing really opens up a door to have them involved in your marriage/family life. If you’d prefer to keep some distance (especially with the religious talk), I think that him not asking and the two of you telling them together helps set a better tone. 

Post # 14
Member
276 posts
Helper bee

Absolutely not. I would have been incredibly angry if my partner asked for my parents blessing. Indeed I might not have married him as I would have read that as serious evidence that he didn’t know me.

I don’t belong to my parents. Their blessing does not and I think should not play a part in any major decision. It would insult my parents to suggest they failed to raise a mature woman who could make a clear choice for herself. Moreover it’s ckesrly descended (and many ways just a more polite term for) permission—- and that is a deeply upsetting notion. 

Moreover I don’t understand the claim that it is respectful. What’s being respected? The only way to read that is…… your parents right to have a say over your life.

As I said,my parents would certainly find that insulting!

 

Post # 15
Member
276 posts
Helper bee

Also this kind of thing is clearly genders. Nobody ever angsts over whether a woman should get her boyfriends parents blessing.

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