Post # 16
Nah, I’m not livestock that my father can choose to give away. He also doesn’t like the idea and he is very conservative and very catholic but also a father and godfather to girls, only. He can say yes or no to giving his blessing until he’s blue in the face but ultimately, the choice to marry is mine.
Post # 17
I was 45 years old and had been living by myself for about 20 years by the time I met my Darling Husband. On our second date, he told me that he was going to ask my father’s blessing if he asked me to marry him. I wanted him to.
Yes, we are both people of faith, and that is why it was important to both of us.
My father is a person of faith also, but he was surprised to receive the call, since he knew that I was the one who would be making the decision whether or not to marry. But he told my Darling Husband he had his blessing to ask me.
Post # 18
My husband didn’t ask for my dad’s blessing, but he did go out to dinner with them and tell him his plans to propose and I guess sort of ask for their support? I wasn’t there I don’t know the exact details. But it wasn’t asking for permission, more of just respecting my old fashioned dad and letting them know. I don’t get all wrapped up in the property thing or whatever… I think it’s a nice gesture and I just don’t overthink it.
also we are not really religious at all and neither is my family. My dad was raised Catholic but doesn’t practice and we were not raised that way.
Post # 19
- Wedding: August 2018 - Melbourne, Australia
My husband knew it was important to me that he ask my Dad’s blessing 🙂 Mostly because I knew how much it would mean to my Dad. He actually ended up asking both my Dad and my brother for their blessing, which was lovely and meant a lot to my brother.
We are not religious.
Post # 20
ladama : No, it didn’t even cross my mind. It was/is our relationship, and as we were/are happy and confident in our relationship, I really didn’t even think about it as the only permission needed was ours.
Post # 21
- Wedding: February 2018 - UK
My husband didn’t propose, we had a chat and decided to get married, so there was never a reason for him to ask for a blessing. If he had proposed, he wouldn’t have spoken to my parents first and I wouldn’t have wanted him to. I was in my mid 30s and had lived on my own for 10 years, it would have seemed strange to me.
While I have no problem at all with couples who do this, I have to admit I don’t understand the argument about it being a sign of respect. I’d find it disrespectful to me, actually. No shade intended to anyone, just my personal feelings on it.
We’re both atheists, as are my parents.
Post # 22
ladama : My husband and I are both very religious. As it’s a fairly common thing in our circles, he would have been willing to ask for my hand in marriage if I insisted upon it. But I was very very opposed to the idea. Essentially, if I had still lived at home or was in any way subject to the headship of my parents, it would have been appropriate to include them in the decision and even seek their permission. But because I was 27 years old, fully independent, and far more mature than either of my parents spiritually-speaking, they were in no position to give or withhold “blessings.”
The Bible requires parents to “raise up a child in the way they should go.” And it instructs “children…be obedient to parents.” Then of course, there’s the whole “honor thy father and mother” commandment. They’ve already raised me (it’s debatable whether they raised me right), and as I’m no longer a child, I do not owe them my obedience, only my respect. I did not consider it dishonorable/disrespectful to accept my husband’s proposal without their input. I mean, I pay all my bills without their input. I never see them insist so strongly for the opportunity to be helpful or supportive in my life. But I’ve noticed that whenever they feel entitled to be a roadblock to my plans, they definitely show up for that. The Bible also says that “each one has to render his own account to God.” I was very comfortable with my choice and was more than prepared to answer for it to the only one qualified to judge me.
If you’re curious, my parents felt incredibly offended at not having been asked. No one likes to see people they care about upset, so that didn’t feel great. Plus they acted out in some pretty serious ways (e.g. tried multiple times to sabotage a wedding they were not paying for). But I’m not sorry for how I handled it. I had to what felt right for me, and what was right morally.
Post # 23
- Wedding: April 2021 - City, State
My family is Catholic, but my fiance didn’t ask for a parent’s blessing because he honestly thought that, that whole tradition was dead. He didn’t even know how proposals really worked except that you were supposed to give the girl a ring somehow.
My dad wasn’t offended though, what we did was call him after he proposed.
Post # 24
personaperson : That last part makes complete sense to me. I’ve always toggeld back and forth with “tradition” or “respect” and trying to imagine if id like my future SIL to just chat about wanting to marry my future daughter or not.
I guess there can be a difference between chatting and letting them know he wants to marry me, as opposed to asking for their blessing..
Post # 25
hockeybee0104 : I like the idea of it being neutral, more of him going and chatting and letting them know he plans to marry me and just givre that good exciting news. 🙂
Post # 26
Overjoyed : Wow, im glad you went with what you felt was right for you. You definitely do seem correct in that you were far more mature than them.
Post # 27
Thank you, everyone, for your inout and your own experiences.
I had a talk with my SO about it the day before yesterday, as well as yesterday.
Recap: Parents very religious, and raised us ‘religious’. I am not religious anymore. SO is not religious.
SO said that he wants to/wanted to speak to my parents in a way more like letting them know his plans to marry me and to let them know before he proposes and we share the excitement with everyone. That sort of thing. He said that he knows my dad can be controlling and may try to steer the conversation towards religion and what not, but he says his intentions are to just go and share the early news with them.
So now hearing that, im at ease. It’s just more of a talk rather than asking for permission or a blessing.
(My dad gets hurt when he is not in the loop with the things, so its my SOs way of not starting off on the wrong foot by just letting them know. (which yes, we can both just go together and tell them after we are engaged, but it’s ehh now)
Post # 28
- Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre
My husband asked my parents for my hand in marriage it meant more to my parents than it did to me.
Post # 29
It’s very much not my cup of tea. I don’t belong to my parents. I would have been pretty annoyed if my fiance had asked their permission. Luckily we are on the same page, as are my parents. They would have found it equal parts hilarious and ridiculous if he had done so. Totally respect that some people like that custom though, just not for me.
Post # 30
I don’t speak to my family, but when I did, this was NEVER something I wanted. The choice who I married was not on my parents. I didn’t want my parents to know before I did.
I am my own person and do not need blessing to marry the person I love.
However, he asked my dog for my hand and that was wonderful.