Did you ever ask a bridesmaid to step down? Why?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

yes I have. because I told her something  – which was that we were kicking FI’s sister out of the bridal party for very valid reasons. And she was the only person who knew. She obviously told somebody, cos it went around and caused the BIGGEST drama with my Future Mother-In-Law and I even told this bm, that my Fi was going to sit down with his parents and explained why we/he didnt want her there since it was so important to them.

anyway, I asked this bm to step down. I couldnt have anyone in my bridal party who i couldnt trust. we are still great friends but its hard to tell her anything I wont proclaim to the world.

Post # 18
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@amRN:  Nope, still in. But I’m still still taking bets on whether or not she shows on the day. She’s notoriously late, and I’m not waiting around for her!

@Liss13:  She’s always been difficult in some ways. This is why you should choose your bridal party for their reliability, and not their relationship with you!

@littlebeanpole:  Apparently “breeders” make her sad because of overpopulation, kids waiting to be adopted etc. *sigh*

Post # 19
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

If she wasn’t my Future Sister-In-Law, I would have cut her.  She is 100% unresponsive and is stalling on ordering the dress, so everyone else is held up.  I’m also getting a ton of attitude, and I haven’t even asked her to do anything besides get the dress, and I’ve been super nice about it.  Ugh.  Even if she sticks around as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I’m sorry to say this has kind of tainted my opinion of her going forward.  (I always thought my Fiance was too hard on her…nope.)

Post # 21
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Rachel631:  So how did it all turn out?  Did she show and was she on her best behaviour?

Post # 22
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@amRN:  Amazingly, she showed… on time! And she dressed in the dress with minimal whining, and only whined slightly about the shoes. She also wasn’t too bad at the reception, either, although she did ignore the kids and the groom, which was a bit sad.

All in all, I was pretty impressed!

Post # 23
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Yes, I havent really asked her to step down. She was supposed to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and she just kind of started being really mean to me and completely quit talking to me just bc she said i was “too busy” to hangout with her. My wedding isnt till Sept. of 2014 but Ive decided I dont want her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. We dont talk anymore anyway so Ive just decided to just go ahead and plan the wedding and not inlcude her. 

I had second thoughts about making her my Maid/Matron of Honor in the first place bc she was always trying to tell me what to do with the colors of my wedding, so on and how she would do it. It was kind of like she was making my wedding planning her own. 

 

Post # 24
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I haven’t asked any bridesmaids yet and am waiting until December to do so. I want to see how everyone handles the beginning of our engagement. I’m looking to avoid drama. 

My friend had to ask her Maid/Matron of Honor to step down last year – she was being completely insufferable to all the other bridesmaids. It was sad, my friend was the most laid back bride of all time, we never thought she’d have any drama. Her advice to me has been to wait to ask as long as humanly possible. 

Post # 25
Member
963 posts
Busy bee

Unfortunately yes. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. She was not communicating with me. She missed the deadline to order her dress. She was too busy for anything – it got to the point where I was (legitimately) worried that she would be too busy for the wedding. When I called her up to tell her I didn’t think it was going to work out my voice was so shakey I was so nervous. I know she could hear it in my voice. She put me through three months of stress… I knew it was the best thing, but I was so afraid it would ruin the friendship. She agreed with me, told me she was relieved that I brought it up first. She said she was just too busy and couldn’t afford it. 

She should have told me that from the beginning. Especially since when I first asked her I said I knew things were tight for her and would understand – but I needed to ask because she was my best friend and it would mean a lot. Then 5 months later I gave her an out and said I understood everything was busy, but was wondering if she still wanted to be in the wedding (5 months of no communication from her – I thought it was a hint). She said she still wanted to be in it. So it made no sense to me. 

Anyway, I haven’t spoken to her since. It still bothers me to this day, and I hope she doesn’t come to the wedding because it will be really hard to see her.

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