(Closed) Did you ever cheat or get cheated on and stayed? *Long*

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 18
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

i’m sorry you’re struggling with this, it’s never easy.

i had an ex who cheated on me (on a low level, not sleeping together etc.). it was with a stranger pretty much, and he told me about it months later. i forgave him after a while, but we broke up a month later anyway.

i think that even though things do happen and if someone does make a mistake of that kind, it doesn’t always mean that they are bad or that it was anything more than a big mistake. but i think it’s important to talk about these things, to acknowledge that we are human and there will be temptations. when SO and i have talked about this, he has said that he knows temptation can present itself, no matter how much you love your SO, but you should make the choice to actively remove yourself from such situations or to avoid them if that makes sense (don’t trust yourself too much, basically). there’s always a choice, you know?

but i have to say this – “in a way I felt it was my fault why he had to look for what I couldnt give him somewhere else”. NOT TRUE. you must not think of yourself in this way!! he shouldn’t allow that either.

Post # 20
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Fiance cheated on me, well kind of.

I had lost my job and we were living in a tiny little studio. He would leave at 9 and come back at 6. He was always too tired to have sex with me but he would stay up till like 2 in the morning talking online.

One day I’m home and his instant messenger goes off. I decided, oh I’ll put his away message on for him. He was using meebo which saves all your conversations and when someone messages you it shows the last few sentences of your previous conversation.

When I saw that previous message I was shocked. He had been telling this girl how they had to get together and how much he waned to sleep with her.

As a glutton for punishment I read all their conversations. We had been together 3 years and he had been talking to her for 2. On and off, but they kept in touch. What made me really angry was that he would constantly tell her he was single because he was waiting for her to come up and be with him.

I was tutoring kids and babysitting, giving him all my money to pay the bills, kept his home spotless, made elaborate meals every night, washed and ironed his clothes and kept everything well stocked in the home, and he has the nerve to deny my exsistance? (I’m getting mad all over again, just writing about it, lol)

He would wake up at 8:00, leave at 9, come home at 6, sleep till 9 when I woke him up to eat and then would stay up till 2 am talking to her while I sat around, wishing he would say more than two words to me, and that maybe he would touch me once in a while. It was such a low point and went on for over a year. In that year I developed depression and went back into my tendency to overeat when I am upset and gained like 40 pounds.Plus I think we had sex m aybe 3 times in that whole year.

When I found out about the girl, I was livid. I started packing all my stuff, and had he not had to come home early because he forgot some papers he needed for a project, I would have been gone.

He cried and begged me to stay and messaged her, telling her that he couldn’t speak to her anymore because he was in a relationship and he didn’t think it was right the way he would talk about sex and flirt with her.

 

I have slowly started trusting him again. I love him with all my heart and I like to think that I trust him now. However if I were to discover that he was talking to women online again, pretending to be single, I wouldn’t be surprised. I would call off the wedding.

 

Ohhh, and don’t blame yourself. It’s his fault and no one elses.

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