(Closed) Did you ever have doubts before getting engaged?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I had some nervousness, but honestly it sounds like you’re having some serious reservations…

One thing that stood out to me was “Am I sure there’s no one better out there?”

Post # 4
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

In your case, I would say not to ignore those things. I learned long ago not to ignore red flags and it certainly seems (to me) that you’ve got a few waving right at you.

I think you should take some time to yourself, (maybe go stay with a girlfriend for the weekend, not like a “I need some time” but just a “I wanna spend some girl time with so-and-so ) and think long and hard about the choices you will be faced with in the near future.

*Hugs* Good luck. 

Post # 5
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think you are just scared and that’s driving some of your sabotoging behavior.  It’s a defense mechanism. You need to figure out why that’s happening. But it’s normal to have reservations…if you don’t then great, good for you.  If someone tells you they never have, they are lying through their teeth.

I see lots of posts on here of ” omg we are so perfect” or “omg i am so in love” or “things will always be butterflies”…There was a time a felt that way, but now I know I love the person I will be marrying and he is the best choice for me, but I doubted too and I was unsure too.  

However, I went through a stage you are exactly describing, nit-picking, getting annoyed with small habits, sad in some ways I am no longer going to be single (but when i was single I wanted to be with someone), the thrill of meeting a guy that happens to be attractive, but wait you are no longer on the market type of feeling.  That’s normal and natural.  There a lots of books to read.  There’s one in particular called 52 Fights, I forget by who, but it’s about a woman and her relationship and the normal concerns/doubts and typical scenarios that would make you question yourself, relationship, what you are doing, about to do (say I do), etc.

People say this is the happiest time in your life, but there is material out there addressing the scary side and the concerns and the what-ifs. 

Hang in there, you’ll get it figured out.

 

Post # 6
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

You can never know for certain if there is someone better out there because you can’t date everyone in the world. The question is, can you choose to love this person the way he is and be happy that way?

In my case I did not have any of these doubts, but I’m sure there will be posters who did and had things work out fine.

Post # 7
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think that’s fairly normal.  You’re just realizing that you might have to deal with his dirty socks on the floor for the rest of your life and that’s SCARY! haha.  I read a magazine article recently in one of the bridal magazines that said sometimes after you get engaged, you start nit-picking because you’re realizing it’s forever.  That being said, it is a BIG decision and if the things that are bothering you are big things, pay attention.  If it’s small stuff, I wouldn’t worry too much because there will never be anyone who doesn’t have some annoying mannerism.

Post # 9
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Yeah. Honestly, I noticed SO many things that annoyed me about FH. I realized that we don’t have a whole lot in common. And I was thinking how the hell is this going to work?

But, we talk about it and it’s worked so far. I’m always going to be annoyed at something that FH does, but I’m sure I do things that annoy him.

I get worse when I’m stressed, which is a lot more than I’d like to be as of late.

Post # 10
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

This post is awesome. I have these feelings, in fact you described my feelings perfectly. I think this is a normal part of any relationship (think of even friends! No one is perfect!!!) I am glad I’m not the only one here. I love my fiance and our life together, but it is absolutely terrifying…and I think that is ok.

Post # 11
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I definitly can relate!! My Fiance is an amazing guy, but knowing it’s forever you get scared at annoying habits that you have to deal with FOREVER. I for one get annoyed at his lack of motivation to exercise and the smoking. But in the scheme of everything, is that a good reason to dump him? He is great in EVERY other way. I do pick fights and nitpick as well but I realize I am not perfect and I definitly wouldn’t be happy if I let him go. Thanks for writing.

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