Post # 1
I find myself, time and time again, pushing men away over the tiniest things. After I walk away from those relationships, I always wonder if I made a mistake. I never give them enough time, a few months or so.
I’ve only been in one serious relationship, which lasted 5 years. I never had any doubts throughout. I was cheated on in the end.
Lately, my friends keep telling me to stop pushing these guys away because they are “such nice guys”. However, if they were truly right for me, would I push them away? My friends always tell me that I’m just scared.
I guess what I’m getting at is… do you think not wanting to date someone because you’re scared to get hurt is truly a thing? Or, does it just mean… he’s not the one?
Reason I ask: I’ve been seeing a really nice guy for about a month now, and I find myself pushing away again. For no reason…
Post # 2
If you read these boards there are hundreds of women who refuse to date out of fear or refuse to leave bad relationships out of fear of being alone/having to date/never finding anyone else.
Its a thing.
Are there reasons you stop seeing these guys? Something you don’t like??
Post # 3
You say you have no reason for pushing this new guy away, but there has to be something. Is there some quality he has or lacks that is concerning you? Or is it more that you’re afraid of being hurt again?
Post # 4
Try to look and see if there’s a pattern, is there a specific thing your looking for. Or is this your gut reflex.
And yes I had doubts with my FH, We met online through a dating site, e-mails we’re great, we got along well. We met in person, fireworks, hit it off right off the bat, then as we’re communicating as we’re going on casual dates and getting to know each other for 6 weeks, we’re texting a lot. And he is horrible at texting, the texts, would jarring, concise, with the bare basics, where as for me texts we’re completely different. Every time we communicated through text, I went WTF why am I with him. As I got to know him better, I realized, he’s a great communicator, he just sucks balls at texting so much.
Maybe it might help you to explore the dating a bit more, you don’t need to compromise on your things you know are deal breakers, but to see if that small thing is an actual red flag or if it really doesn’t matter. Maybe give yourself a personal timeline of three months or something.
Post # 5
If I’m being completely honest, it’s when a guy does someone really nice for me very early in the dating process. I freak out, and/or I tend to think that something is wrong with them or they have alterior motives.
I get it that it’s probably a self-esteem issue. Just not sure how to fix it.
Post # 6
- Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France
have you ever considered seeking professional help? 5 years is a long time and being cheated on is devastating. It makes sense that you would be impacted
Post # 7
I was actually going to therapy the last 6 months of that relationship, as well as a few months after it ended. My therapist was leaving, and I was at point where I felt confident to move on from it all. So, I stopped going.
I feel confident in several aspects of my life due to going to therapy, except for when it comes to relationships.
Maybe it’s anxiety?
Post # 8
- Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France
It could be a lot of things! But if this is related it seems like a long term symptom.. one that was unforseeable while you were in therapy before. It could also be that they are just boring! lol
Post # 9
I’ve broken up with guys for lots of stupid things. One guy because spicy food made him sick. Nothing he could do about it, but I live on spicy food lol.
I haven’t had any doubts about Fiance though, for me, that’s how I knew he was the one. He sometimes does stuff that would be annoying in past relationships, but that I enjoy with him (thankfully not the issues with spicy food thing, that might still be a deal breaker lol).
Post # 10
Depends. When you’re used to chaos sometimes a healthy relationship can feel kinda boring. You’re used to fighting and ups and downs. But ups and downs, fighting every week, breaking up and getting back together, etc is not normal or healthy.
I pushed away a ton of nice guys in my dating days, but i knew why. Usually it was because i wasn’t attracted to them. I didn’t feel a spark. Sometimes they would say “give it time, it will grow” one guy even went so far to say “you’ll learn to love me” but i wasn’t feeling it. With my Fiance i was attracted to him the moment i laid eyes on him. So basically what I’m getting at is, are you sure you don’t know why? Just because a guy is a nice guy doesn’t mean he’s the right one for you.
Post # 11
I think if a guy is expressing his interest or passion for you and it makes you want to step away from him…. you’re just not into him. Don’t let anyone pressure you into dating a “nice guy”, when you’re looking for amazing.
FWIW, even in my years long relationship with my now fiancé, I’ve gone through moments of doubt. It’s natural. When you’re faced with the moment you have to make a decision, I recommend flipping a coin. Whatever the coin tell you to do, your gut will reveal how you feel about that choice.
Post # 12
I had doubts 3 months in to our relationship, but they were more about myself and my ability to be in a relationship. I told my best friend that I was too messed up and that I was going to break up with him and she pretty much threatened my life lol. She said he was the best thing that had ever happened to me and that I’d better not fuck it up because I wouldn’t get another chance at a guy as good as him. And she was right. We’ve been married over a year now and I am so happy and in love with him. I just needed to get over my own crap.
Post # 13
I think it just means he’s not the one.
Post # 14
Just because he’s nice does not mean he’s the right guy for you- you have to feel passion for him. This guy doesn’t sound like your match.
Post # 15
maybe your gut was telling you he wasn’t right for you. Trust yourself and your reactions. You don’t have to fall in love just because someone is decent.