Did you ever have doubts when you were dating your significant other?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
10601 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

If you read these boards there are hundreds of women who refuse to date out of fear or refuse to leave bad relationships out of fear of being alone/having to date/never finding anyone else.

Its a thing. 

Are there reasons you stop seeing these guys? Something you don’t like??

Post # 3
Member
7557 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You say you have no reason for pushing this new guy away, but there has to be something. Is there some quality he has or lacks that is concerning you? Or is it more that you’re afraid of being hurt again?

Post # 4
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee

Try to look and see if there’s a pattern, is there a specific thing your looking for. Or is this your gut reflex.

And yes I had doubts with my FH, We met online through a dating site, e-mails we’re great, we got along well. We met in person, fireworks, hit it off right off the bat, then as we’re communicating as we’re going on casual dates and getting to know each other for 6 weeks, we’re texting a lot. And he is horrible at texting, the texts, would jarring, concise, with the bare basics, where as for me texts we’re completely different. Every time we communicated through text, I went WTF why am I with him. As I got to know him better, I realized, he’s a great communicator, he just sucks balls at texting so much. 

Maybe it might help you to explore the dating a bit more, you don’t need to compromise on your things you know are deal breakers, but to see if that small thing is an actual red flag or if it really doesn’t matter. Maybe give yourself a personal timeline of three months or something.

Post # 6
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

have you ever considered seeking professional help? 5 years is a long time and being cheated on is devastating. It makes sense that you would be impacted 

Post # 8
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

View original reply
tenley7 :  It could be a lot of things! But if this is related it seems like a long term symptom.. one that was unforseeable while you were in therapy before. It could also be that they are just boring! lol

Post # 9
Member
1700 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’ve broken up with guys for lots of stupid things. One guy because spicy food made him sick. Nothing he could do about it, but I live on spicy food lol. 

I haven’t had any doubts about Fiance though, for me, that’s how I knew he was the one. He sometimes does stuff that would be annoying in past relationships, but that I enjoy with him (thankfully not the issues with spicy food thing, that might still be a deal breaker lol).

Post # 10
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

Depends. When you’re used to chaos sometimes a healthy relationship can feel kinda boring. You’re used to fighting and ups and downs. But ups and downs, fighting every week, breaking up and getting back together, etc is not normal or healthy.

I pushed away a ton of nice guys in my dating days, but i knew why. Usually it was because i wasn’t attracted to them. I didn’t feel a spark. Sometimes they would say “give it time, it will grow” one guy even went so far to say “you’ll learn to love me” but i wasn’t feeling it. With my Fiance i was attracted to him the moment i laid eyes on him. So basically what I’m getting at is, are you sure you don’t know why?  Just because a guy is a nice guy doesn’t mean he’s the right one for you.  

Post # 11
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I think if a guy is expressing his interest or passion for you and it makes you want to step away from him…. you’re just not into him. Don’t let anyone pressure you into dating a “nice guy”, when you’re looking for amazing. 

FWIW, even in my years long relationship with my now fiancé, I’ve gone through moments of doubt. It’s natural. When you’re faced with the moment you have to make a decision, I recommend flipping a coin. Whatever the coin tell you to do, your gut will reveal how you feel about that choice.

Post # 12
Member
4402 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

View original reply
tenley7 :  I had doubts 3 months in to our relationship, but they were more about myself and my ability to be in a relationship. I told my best friend that I was too messed up and that I was going to break up with him and she pretty much threatened my life lol. She said he was the best thing that had ever happened to me and that I’d better not fuck it up because I wouldn’t get another chance at a guy as good as him. And she was right. We’ve been married over a year now and I am so happy and in love with him. I just needed to get over my own crap. 

Post # 13
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

I think it just means he’s not the one. 

Post # 14
Member
1759 posts
Buzzing bee

Just because he’s nice does not mean he’s the right guy for you- you have to feel passion for him. This guy doesn’t sound like your match.

Post # 15
Member
11385 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
tenley7 :  maybe your gut was telling you he wasn’t right for you. Trust yourself and your reactions. You don’t have to fall in love just because someone is decent.

 

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