Did you ever wish you were an only child? (if you're an only child, did you ever

posted 4 months ago in Parenting
Post # 61
Member
886 posts
Busy bee

I have one sister and never wanted to be an only child! In fact, I always wished I had more siblings. Personally, I don’t know anyone who isn’t close to their siblings in real life much less estranged from them so seeing how many people here on the bee barely even talk to their siblings is so surprising to me! (No judgement, I’m sure they have their reasons!) 

Post # 62
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I was one of three (half-brother 9 years older, sister 4 years younger), and never wished that I were an only child. Due to age differences, we weren’t super close growing up, and my brother and I had an especially challenging relationship. Even with that, I loved having a “big” family. It’s especially fun as an adult, with my SIL, Brother-In-Law, nieces, nephew, etc. If anything, I wish I had another sibling or two. 

That being said, you never really know how it’ll shake out, as this thread shows. Plenty of only children love it. Plenty of people have awful relationships with siblings. I do think there’s some level of “the grass is always greener.”

Post # 63
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I love being an only child! As a kid, I was always super close with my parents, and I’ll admit, it was nice to have all of their attention.Mom homeschooled me until middle of 6th grade, mainly because I wanted to read before I was old enough to go to public school, and we’re still super close to this day. 

That being said, I also got ALL of their overprotectiveness and was socially awkward. I didn’t have a lot of same-age friends due to being homeschooled and was also shy by nature, so I didn’t really start making friends until I went to a real school. And even then, it was a ROUGH adjustment. It was less an issue of not having siblings and more due to social isolation due to homeschooling.

Hubby and I are CFBC, but if we wanted kids, we’d probably just have one. The trick with only children is just to make sure they have activities to do outside the home so they can get the socialization that I never got as a kid. 

Post # 64
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I’m an only. It has it’s pros and cons.

I liked it fine growing up, but I always wished for a sibling. It’s fine now, but I still kind of wish I had a sibling. I know not all siblings get along, but I think it would be really cool to have someone who shares your parentage and history and just KNOWS you. I know, no guarantee they’ll actually “know” you, but still. You know what I mean. 

I’ve never made friends easily (I have a couple real life friends and a handful of online friends I’ve never met, but I absolutely suck at actually making new real life friends!) and the idea of having, essentially, a built in friend is cool. 

Then again, I’ve seen a lot of healthy sibling relationships. My friends all have siblings and they’re just…always a text away. It’s nearly impossible for me to get texts from anyone (my parents, sure, and a friend or two will usually respond, but my other friends? Not as much) and then I see friends shooting texts back and forth with their siblings and I just… I guess it’s jealousy. I don’t know. But it would be neat to have someone to talk to about everything.

Post # 65
Member
10456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

chillbee29 :  

I’m an only child and I turned out stellar.

Having a sib never really crossed my mind; it just wasn’t on my radar.  My parents never brought up such a thing. My suspicion is, I would have resented the hell out of the thing.

Maybe some of us come into the world meant to be only kids.

I never did get the hang of sharing, and I don’t care.  Dh finds this so strange.  He was the middle child of three.  It was the worst of the stereotypes.  He willingly shares, to a point.  He will share treats, but, if it’s something really, really good , he’ll put it on a shelf too high for me to reach. (I have a step stool now).

From my perspective, the benefits are legion.  I learned to be very good at entertaining myself.  I imagine it’s how I became such a voracious reader.

I really love and genuinely need my alone time.

And, it taught me independence.  By the age of seven, I knew how to navigate public transportation in a major city.  Things were safer back in those days.

My parents could take me anywhere.  My models for how to behave were adults.  We could travel first class.  Good times.

Personally, I don’t recognize a downside.  I am who I am.  I will own that my boundaries can be pretty tight.  That’s only a problem for other people.

I will also own being self centered.  Yeah, ok.  That doesn’t mean I can’t also be a very empathic and caring human.  My self focus manifests as putting myself first; something that is still not typically expected from women.  There’s another perk.

Don’t worry, I am CFBC.  That gives me the space to be who I am and feel really good about it. 

Not every kid has to have a sub.

Post # 66
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m one of many and I LOVE having a large family now. Growing up I definitely wished I was an only at times. Largely because I was surrounded by wealthy families and pursued expensive hobbies and thought that ifI was an only child there’d be more money to spend to get nice things for my hobbies. *sigh* Thankfully I outgrew that materialism!

I’m super close with my siblings and my parents are both from large(r) families so I have tons of cousins and the whole extended family is very close so I can’t possible imagine having minimal family members since I’ve only ever known the chaos I’ve grown up in (and love).

Post # 67
Member
264 posts
Helper bee

I’m an only child. I have a small family and while I really enjoyed being an only child when I was younger, as an adult I really wish I had siblings. 

Post # 68
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee

chillbee29 :  I feel like i lived both. I have siblings, but there was a large chunk of time i was the only child in the house and i really didnt care for it. 

I lived with my two older brothers when i was young. I fought with the middle one like crazy, but always had a close relationship with my oldest brother. When my parents split, i lived with my mom. 

I became lazy because i had no one to play with LOL. Yes, i would go to sleep overs and do stuff with my friends, but at home – i just sat on the couch. It was nice no one touched my stuff or argued over the remote, but it was boring sometimes. 

I loved when my step brother and sister would come over. I am extremely close with my step sister as we are 1.5 years apart and it was great having someone to get into trouble with, share clothes and music, plot against our parents lol. 

 

Post # 69
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

LilliV :  Same here, I’m a younger sibling turned a psuedo only child due to the death of my sister.

As hard as it was to go through the pain, I would never regret having her for as many years as I did. We actually did not get a long for a lot of our lives, but slowly just started to become friends when she passed. But I learned a lot from her when I was a kid and can’t imagine childhood without a sister to be honest. It puts a lot of pressure on me now with my parents, in many ways. My wedding was over the top (although I wanted it that way) because I was the only one my dad could walk down the aisle. Me having kids means much more to them too, because it’s their only grandchildren. I could never pack up and move to another state and leave my parents and take their only shot at grandchildren away from them. And as others have mentioned, when my parents get older it will all fall on me both financially and emotionally to care for them, which is a scary thought. D.H. is the middle child of three, and he thinks with three someone is always singled out so we have agreed on having two.

Post # 70
Member
7442 posts
Busy Beekeeper

temeculabride :  same! We fought a ton but I still wouldn’t have preferred she never existed. We’re planning a summer vacation that will bring us to many places my parents took us as children. I’m so excited to share a bit of my childhood with my daughter but I also warned my husband that it might bring up some unexpected loss feelings since I haven’t been to those places since she passed. 

Post # 71
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I’m an only child and happy with it. Now that I’m an adult, sometimes I think it would be nice to have a sibling, but it’s never been something I actively wanted or longed for. My parents are divorced and I’m very close with both of my parents, I think being an only child helped that. I also have lots of close friendships, so I don’t feel like I am lacking for not having a sibling relationship.

Also, to counteract with someone I said earlier, the only children I know are not overly spoiled and self-centered. Such a stereotype. I am competitive, but I was that way even when I was little…not sure if having a sibling would’ve made any difference with that.

Post # 72
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

LilliV :  Oh that sounds so nice! I am sure it will be hard and emotional, but it can also be very healing for you I think. Sometimes its good to remember the happy times we had with them instead of thinking about the loss. I am even getting emotional as I type this, but I never want to forget that I did have a big sister for 25 years of my life!  

Post # 73
Member
876 posts
Busy bee

I’m the oldest of 6, and family closeness was really hammered into our heads. Both sides of our large family are close with each other and we grew up watching that, so I think we naturally learrned to foster relationships with each other. As adults we are all really good friends and have a blast together. I know we are really very lucky that we truly enjoy each other, and married spouses that mostly feel the same way as well. 

I wouldn’t ever want to be an only child as I can’t imagine my life without my siblings, but I will say that I was neglected a lot growing up and I didn’t have a close relationship with either parent. They were either working or exhausted and stressed. It definitely took a toll. I want to have more than one child, but I would never want to have a large family like that myself. 

Post # 74
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

chillbee29 :  I grew up as an only child.  I have two half-siblings from my dad and stepmum, who are much younger than me.  I lived only with my mother growing up. 

I hated it with a passion.  When I was little, I was constantly lonely.  I predominantly went to my grandparents house while my mother worked, and while I love them dearly, there just isn’t much to do when you are by yourself.  Because they looked after me fulltime, they couldn’t always be entertaining me as they had to do chores and they weren’t in the best of health so they had to relax a lot.  I was never allowed to go to the park down the road or anything, because I couldn’t have safety in numbers.  I couldn’t play any games.  I loved going to childcare/kindy and would scream when I had to leave.  I dreaded school holidays.  I felt very socially awkward and behind well into my adult years. 

When I was around 10, we had to move further away for my mothers job, and at around the same time, she developed a severe mental illness.  It was horrifying.  Part of it was she was very manipulative and she would make it seem like I was the crazy one.  I had no support, no one to verify interactions with, I had no one.  

All that said, I know only children who are well adjusted, but I think they are just lucky they never had anything go wrong in their family unit while they were growing up, and their parents had the means of giving them an enriching childhood. 

Post # 75
Member
6190 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

We are only having one. I have two sisters that were neither beneficial nor detrimental to me growing up (or now). So I don’t think the “give him a sibling” argument holds that much water. Do what’s best for you and your spouse and your child will be happy! chillbee29 :  

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