(Closed) Did you factor in property when getting engaged? How?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I read and re-read this and am confused about what the downside would be to getting a townhouse–it seems like that is clearly the better option for you given what you described. One of the reasons DH and I did live together before we were married is because that made the most financial sense; we were both at the end of our leases, knew we’d be engaged sooner rather than later, and we could consolidate some of our expenses to put more in savings. I know you said that isn’t an option for you, but that’s how we decided. Again, I think I’m missing what the dilemma is here!

Post # 3
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Edson Keith Mansion

Yes. Live in the middle, commute, change jobs. People do all of the above all the time. 🙂 Good luck!

Post # 4
914 posts
Busy bee

We currently live together and are moving to be closer to my job, and we’re getting engaged this year. If you know that you’re marrying your SO, then moving to be closer/in the middle makes sense.

I’m not really sure about the rest of your post – I think maybe more detail about why you’d move to a different apartment versus a townhouse? 

Post # 5
2763 posts
Sugar bee

I’m confused, why would moving into an apartment vs. a townhouse mean you’d have to delay marriage by several years? Do you mean moving in with him in a few months versus moving into an apt by yourself? I still don’t totally understand why you’d be spending so much more money on that that it would delay marriage/kids by 2-4 years. If you don’t want to rush into moving in together, couldn’t you find a cheaper apartment, get a roommate, etc? Or find a sublet or apt with a shorter lease term or month-to-month lease so that you don’t have to commit to a year. Worst case scenario, you move into an apt and he proposes soon after, you can always break your lease. 

As for “I want him to do this because he loves me, not because of my biological clock” — I don’t think you should be worrying about this. You’ve been together three years and he wants to marry you, so I assume he loves you. Moving up the timeline given your fears of infertility — and wanting to live together and start a life together — makes perfect sense. Your biological clock is something that can and should be taken into account BECAUSE he loves you and wants to start a family with you. 

Post # 6
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I don’t get the downside of a town home or why an apartment wouldn mean putting everything off. We didn’t factor in property before getting engaged, we already lived together. He was living an hour from me and I moved in with him since he already owned his home and I commuted an hour to work for a while. We’ve moved across the country since though. 

Post # 7
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

I also don’t understand why moving would put things off.

Relationships are about compromise, but if it is that concerning and you need piece of mind, pre-nuptial agreements are an option to consider after the engagement.

Post # 8
8601 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

If you’re not engaged when it’s  time to move then just get a month to month lease and rent. It’d be foolish to buy if you’re not staying long term. 

Post # 9
7555 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

This is all about you. It is just “I want this, I think this” and not a “we” in sight. I think you need to be careful because it seems, from your words, that yes you might be pressuring him with your desire for “your” way.

I also think you may be rushing things because of your self imposed timeline. You are talking about the fear of sinking your money into an apartment rather than seeing it as an investment for both your futures. You are talking about your wants (marriage, house, children) like there isn’t another person and their feelings involved.

I think that is a huge red flag and shows that you are either uncertain about this man or are influenced by other factors such as your parents religion and what you think society deems as right (like alluding to the fact that his manhood is in question because he doesn’t make as much as you).

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