(Closed) Did you Fi ask you dad for your hand?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Did your fiance ask your father for your hand in marriage?
    Yes : (486 votes)
    64 %
    No : (274 votes)
    36 %
    I don't know : (3 votes)
    0 %
  • Post # 122
    Member
    268 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My Fiance and I live out of state from my parents, so he called my dad the day before he propsed. From what I gather, the conversation was very sweet, although they won’t elaborate on exactly what was said. But my Fiance said he wasn’t nervous about asking me until my dad said that he would be honored to have my Fiance as part of the family.

    He also asked that my dad not tell my mom, so that I would get to call my mom and surprise her when he proposed. And my dad was able to keep the secret (which he normally cannot do!), so my mom and I got to have a special moment when I called her at work to tell her.

    Then, I called my dad (who was also at work) and said “I think you know exactly why I’m calling you”, but he asked me to tell him why anyway.

    I thought the whole thing was very sweet, and I love that my Fiance not only asked my dad for permission, but made sure my mom didn’t know so I could surprise her and tell her.

    The funniest part was that my Fiance called my brother to get my dad’s cell phone number to call him, and my brother didn’t put together that anything was happening! He didn’t even answer the phone right away when I called to tell him I was engaged because he was driving and didn’t have his hands free set (he’s very strict on following the rules of the road!)

    Post # 123
    Member
    7030 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Yep. Although I don’t think you could call it permission, more just his blessing. We’ve been together for 12 years, and my family has been busting at the gut for us to get married. It’s all they’ve been talking about for years…lol.

    Fiance had been working on having my ring made for a while, but had told only one friend (who hooked him up with the jeweler). At about 2-3 months out he finally broke down and called my BFF (who was so excited she CRIED on the phone with him) to find out my ring size. Up until the day she was the only other person who knew. The day of the proposal he took my dad to lunch (not unusual, they do it all the time, although I gave him crap about not waiting for me…haha). During lunch he told my dad he was proposing that night. I know my dad was thrilled. He asked me later that evening while getting ready for a Christmas party. I always knew he’d ask my dad, and I was glad he did.

    Post # 124
    Member
    43 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2002

    Mine did and my dad said no! LOL. We were in the middle of college, so he thought we were too young. But we did it anyway, sorry dad. I don’t understand why anyone would be insulted by it unless they had an awful relationship with their dad. I think it’s wonderful, traditional, and respectful to the family who has known the bride a lot longer. If he hadn’t asked, I would have been disappointed. I’m planning to raise my sons to be that respectful and open with their intentions.

    Post # 125
    Member
    127 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    He sure did! It was a special day for my Dad who was waiting a lonnng time for this one to propose!

    Post # 126
    Member
    967 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    My dad and I are very close, and my dad went through cancer last year…..

    I had a 5K i was doing with a bunch of friends and my now Fiance, and my parents came to watch….while I was getting ready my dad and now Fiance went to grab a coffee…

    He said to my dad “So since you said it was okay for smcs’s sister’s now Fiance to marry her, I figure you’ll think it’s okay for smcs to marry me….”

    My dad was like “yeah”

    SOO romantic…lol…but my dad really appreciated the effort anyways…..if it wasn’t for the fact that my sis’s Fiance asked our entire family he never would have done it…..but it was out of respect of my dad…..

    On second thought:  there’s a good chance my dad said “what the f do you want to get married for..” LOL

    Post # 127
    Member
    4192 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    Yep- I gave him a heads up almost a year prior that it would mean a lot to both me and my Dad if he asked for his blessing. I’m the only girl AND the “baby” (at 40!), so it was a must!

    Post # 128
    Member
    140 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    No he didn’t – because I asked my Fiance to marry me 😉

    Most men don’t do that anymore around here – most of the young people live alone for a long time before they get engaged are independent in every way – instead an announcement is usually made at a family dinner or gathering.

    We are planning on announcing our engagement during a ball at an old castle in the woods we attend every year – so excited!

    Post # 129
    Member
    1512 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    We’re not engaged yet, but I’ve made it very clear that I DO NOT want him asking my dad for permission. That tradition just seems so silly to me. It’s not his permission to give. It’s mine.

    Post # 130
    Member
    878 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    No, he didnt ask my Dad.  But we were already living together, and already had kids together.  So I think my Dad was just relieved when he finally heard the news.

    Post # 131
    Member
    720 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Nope he didn’t ask my dad..it would’ve been weird if he had! But that’s just us 😛

    Post # 132
    Member
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I think it’s absolutely important that the man ask the father. I know of one too many stories where the Future Sister-In-Law has not asked, and in turn, has never really been accepted into the family. My SO is going to ask my father when the time is right. I love the tradition of it all 🙂

    Post # 133
    Member
    775 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    He didn’t, but I think that’s because I told him he didn’t have to.  About a year ago, when we’d started talking about getting engaged, we were driving around and the Taylor Swift song Love Story came on the radio.  When the lyric came on about how he asked her dad and she could go pick out a white dress, I joked and said something like “You’re gonna do that, right?  Ask my dad?”

    He actually turned down the radio and looked at me (well, as much as he could while driving) and said “Do you really want me to ask your dad?”  I hadn’t given it much thought up to that point, but said no.

    My dad and I haven’t had the best relationship for the last few years since he left my mom.  On top of that, I was 30 years old and had been on my own for the last five years.  I told him that asking my mom would be a nice touch, but certainly wasn’t necessary.

    Turns out he didn’t ask my mom either, but I’m totally ok with that.  The first dinner I had with my dad after we got engaged, I made sure Fiance came so my dad could at least give us our blessing, but, no he didn’t ask beforehand. 

    Post # 134
    Member
    150 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    She insisted, so I did.

    Freakin’ painful. You ladies have no idea… lol

    Also, in retrospect, it’s a little weird in this day and age of ‘equality’ that she wouldn’t do likewise with my parents.

    Post # 135
    Member
    10363 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I find the idea of asking the father both intrusive and incredibly offensive because of the origin of the tradition. I’m not property being traded for a dowry, and my parents have no place in my relationship with my husband.

    Post # 136
    Member
    785 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My Fiance new how important it was to me for him to ask my parents for my hand in marriage. I am very close with my family and feel that it is a very respectful thing to do. I knew that my parents loved him, as did he, and knew that they would be elated when he asked me, whether he asked them or not. The one thing I didn’t know is how much it would mean to my dad. My Fiance definitely gained a ton of respect from my dad that day. My mom even told me that my dad teared up and was completely honored!

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