(Closed) Did you get married and have children in your late twenties or early thirties?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
  • poll:
  • Post # 31
    Member
    71 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I was 29 when I had my first daughter and 31 when I had my second.  I’m now getting married for the first time at 42.

    Post # 32
    Member
    37 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Whatever works for you is best.  24 is what works for me.

    Post # 33
    Member
    3169 posts
    Sugar bee

    The best time to get married is when you meet the right person. The best time to have kids is when you can afford them – financially and emotionally.

     

    Post # 34
    Member
    11482 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I don’t think this is one of those things that you can control to any great degree.

    Growing up, I always envisioned myself marrying shortly after finishing college and then having my first child at about age 24. I had a steady boyfriend for the last two years of college, and that was the path that I thought I was on.

    However, as is so often the case, life doesn’t necessarily work out the way we plan. That relationship didn’t work out, and, although I had some semi-serious relationships after that, I didn’t meet my first fiance until I was in my late 20s. However, after becoming engaged, we realized that we had an insurmountable religious difference, so we chose to walk away from our relationship.

    I didn’t end up meeting my second fiance — now first and only husband — until I was in my mid 40s. We married about a year and a half later. I had still hoped to have a baby at my advanced age, but that did not happen.

    Still, I am very thankful for God’s plan for my life, because I have had a wonderful career, met and married the man God chose for me, am a stepmother to multiple grown children, and now have two beautiful grandbabies.

    Post # 35
    Member
    1589 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I married my first husband at 24. I made the absolute typical mistake – realised early on there were issues in the relationship, believed we would “work on it” and he could change, only to discover that was not going to happen and any issues we had would continue or worsen. By the end, I didn’t respect my ex, didn’t want to spend time with him and I certainly couldn’t imagine myself having kids with him.

    I’m currently engaged and will be 28 when we get married, and with my job situation (on a yearly contract and no maternity leave entitlements until I’ve been permanent for a year) there’s no chance of us trying to conceive until I’m at least 30. Fiance is 34 with a 13 year old son from a previous relationship, so he was a young dad, and now he’s going to be an old one in our relationship.

    I do feel the biological clock ticking these days – some days I feel like “stuff the career and give me babies” – but I have to trust that it has worked out this way for a reason, and if my mother could have kids at 34 and 38, there’s no reason for me to stress.

    Post # 36
    Member
    626 posts
    Busy bee

    Married at 25 and first baby at 28

    Post # 37
    Member
    174 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    MrsHotPink: you are almost my identical life twin! Started dating at 17, got engaged and bought a house a month later at 23, got married at 25. And hoping to get pregnant at 27-28.

    I also thought I’d have kids by 25 (because that’s when my mom had me) but things are so different now! July will be our one year anniversary so we wanted to wait at least a year. I’m hoping to wait another year or two to give us some time to travel and move into a bigger home. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    1432 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    Totally depends on individual circumstance and when you are emotionally and financially able to raise a family.

    Post # 39
    Member
    193 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’m not sure if OP is still reading given that this post is a few months old, but in case other young women are reading, I did want to add my two cents.  I completely agree the age you marry is a function of educational level and region.  Finish college at 22 and live in the South?  You’ll probably be married with a kid by 25.  Go to medical school and move to San Fran?  Marry at 30 and you’ll probably be the first of your peers to do so.

    Truly, I think the key to dating in your twenties to have structure and direction, but not seek complete control.  Don’t be so wedded to finding a husband by X age that you make a mistake and find yourself divorced in your late twenties.  But do have a sense of what you want in a partner and date until you find that.  Don’t give your heart away unless and until those criteria are satisfied.  Don’t think you can change someone.  Accept that dating is sorting until you find the right match. Past about 25, if you know you eventually want to marry, stop dating men who aren’t marriage material.  Oh, and I don’t think the “one” exists.  There are any number of great people you could marry, it’s a matter of meeting them.

    When I was about OP’s age, I read a book called the Starter Marriage.  It’s about failed young marriages, but goes into all the reasons folks marry young for all the wrong reasons. It’s super insightful and a great read.  (That isn’t to say older folks don’t make mistakes, bc they do!)

    Post # 40
    Member
    350 posts
    Helper bee

    I always thought I’d be married with kids by 25. Well, I am 29 (30 in sept) now and my husband and I just got married in Jan, he is 31 in July. We started dating when I turned 26… knew eachother for 12 years by then. We are trying for babies within about 2 years or maybe sooner – we want to have one more caribbean trip and buy a home first. Then the babies will come.

    Post # 41
    Member
    301 posts
    Helper bee

    briaharris23:  I was 20 when I got engaged but we didn’t get married until I was 26. I wanted to complete university first and we both wanted to have bought a home together first. Darling Husband is 10 years older than me. The timeline for us was:

    Engaged 20/30

    Bought appartment & finished studies 21/31

    Married 26/36

    First baby due 27/37

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