Did you change your mind about no kids

posted 6 months ago in No Kids
  • poll: Did you not want kids and change your mind later?
    Never wanted kids, never had kids : (42 votes)
    42 %
    Never wanted kids, decided to have kids : (19 votes)
    19 %
    Was on the fence about kids, didn’t have kids : (14 votes)
    14 %
    Was on the fence about kids, had kids : (24 votes)
    24 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    8042 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I didn’t want any kids till I was in my late 20s and had met Darling Husband. I’m still not a baby crazy person, and I think a lot of people go overboard with kid things, but now here I am pregnant, reasonably enthused, and due in the spring. Not everyone does, but I do think a significant number of people change their mind about this issue as life happens. It is what it is. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    My husbands daughter (I don’t really like saying step daughter because I adore her and it doesn’t seem to fit) has said a few times that she doesn’t want to have kids.

    I’ve told her, you might change your mind but you might not. And that’s ok. Society tells women that they have to be mothers and that’s just not true. If you don’t change your mind, you might get people making you feel like something is wrong with you, but that’s not the case at all. It’s perfectly fine to not want kids so don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your choice.

    As for me, I always knew I wanted to be a mother. Of as many kids as possible. And twins! I’ve killed many a sims character by using the pregnancy cheat to get her pregnant with twins. She would always die and I would be like… “omg… sooooo dramatic!” Then I had my daughter who is two and a half. And I get it. Lol. I sometimes think I want another but then other times I’m ok with just her. My husband is ten years older so he isn’t sure if he will want another when we are in the position to have a second one.

    eta, I don’t think I really responded to what you were looking for, but your comments about your mom made me want to share the story about my husbands daughter, as someone who always wanted kids talking to someone who doesn’t.

    Post # 5
    Member
    8395 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I was on the fence until a couple of years ago (so through my mid-20s). I was (and still am) most scared about the preteen/teenage years because the world is definitely not as safe a place as it once was and the stuff my 15/16-year-old relatives seem into scare the living bejesus out of me. But I also know that there are still good people in the world (and good kids being raised), so it’s possible. I also haven’t had the best relationship with my mom, which scares me—but also motivates me.

    It’ll definitely be a challenge—probably the biggest of our lives—but we’re up for it and the joys that’ll (hopefully) come along with it, and at the end of the day, we just can’t wait to shower our son with love and watch him grow up.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    So far we are on the “no” side of the kids fence, and feel that way still. We’ve been together 11 years, originally thought we wanted children, the older we got the less we wanted them, and then just decided unless one of us gets hit bad with the baby bug, we’ll be happy being child free. 

    I’m currently undergoing some issue with my new IUD, and have an apppointment to get things checked out soon, told my boss I’d have to leave early, he asked why so I was upfront about it (he has a wife and 5 daughters, so he’s cool AF about women’s stuff), and I jokingly said the best case scenario was it shifted, worst case was ectopic prenancy, and he responded “Well, it could be regular pregnancy, just ask my wife, her IUD failed and that’s how we ended up with #5”.

    I DIED. I was/am just horrified by the idea, and immediately starting running through a mental list of abortion providers and maybe taking my husband up on his offer to get a vasectomy. So…. yup, currently still don’t want kids. Personally, I don’t have any friends who didn’t want kids who changed their minds, only those who wanted kids but coudln’t due to various health issues/infertility, and those who didn’t want them so far haven’t. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    8515 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Honestly posts like this are part of the problem. The No Kids (terrible name) section was supposed to be a place where those that have decided to be childfree by choice or circumstance had a space (like ttc, parenting etc) to talk about issues that affect us but instead it is invaded constantly by posters talking about how it took them ages to want kids, how great having kids was etc etc.

    This post should have gone in another (parenting) section because you are asking for the opinion of people who want/have kids.

    It is bad enough that society tells us that there is something wrong with us for not wanting kids but then a supposedly safe space is full of the joys of parenthood.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1307 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m 35 and pregnant for the first time, it took me that long to be ready and I’m still terrified!! 

    Post # 11
    Member
    2997 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    I’m a mom, but most of my friends are CFBC in their 30s, 40s, and 50s and are leading perfectly happy, fulfilled lives. They have cats and hobbies and the best jobs and they travel. And no, they didn’t change their minds about kids and I really feel for them when people dismiss their feelings and choices. 

    It is okay not to like kids. It’s okay to like kids but prefer them in small doses. It’s okay not to breed in this overpopulated world. 

    Don’t second guess your choices because your mom wants grandkids. That’s usually what it comes down to. I knew I wanted to have only one and do all the things before becoming an older mom so I’d have no regrets, and people bugged me about how my eggs were going to expire. It’s like okay, you were a young mom and that worked for you. I want to be a more mature mom. My parents and in-laws are pestering me for more like I’m some kind of Pez machine. Nope. 

    Post # 12
    Hostess
    2660 posts
    Sugar bee

    j_jaye :  I’m with you on this.

    OP, its not fair to say someone “grew out of” wanting kids and I think it’s rather insensitive. Being CFBC is not a phase, it’s not like listening to emo music or liking (insert boy band name here) or thinking your parents aren’t cool. It’s a choice a woman makes for herself, for her own reasons. Do some people start off CFBC and change their minds later on down the line? Sure. But I believe they are the exception rather than the rule.

    I never wanted kids. Never. Whenever the topic came up, and I’d say I didn’t want kids, I’d get knowing smirks, and those patronizing uhh huhhhs (sometimes accompanied by an eye roll). I was still staunchly CFBC until my 30s, when I got pregnant unexpectedly, and the pregnancy ended with a fetal demise. The loss I experienced, and the grief I went through afterwards, made me very much want a child. I now have a 2 year old, and am pregnant with a little girl. If I hadn’t gone through what I went through, I don’t know that I ever would have had kids.

    Post # 13
    Member
    211 posts
    Helper bee

    Commenting as someone who doesn’t have kids but intends to, I don’t really see it as something for me to “get something out of”. That’s fundamentally not what having children is about, so you’re not being illogical to observe that it’s not necessarily a fun experience. I look forward to having children because I look forward to creating new humans and helping them lead a life worth living and hopefully make a positive contribution to the next generation even if in a small and simple way. “The world is bad, don’t have children” doesn’t compel me because to me the answer is to help improve the world and teach your kids to do the same – I don’t think it’s necessary to guarantee every detail of your children’s lives to know that they are lives worth living.

    Post # 14
    Member
    473 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    12_Elle :  Nothing to grow out of. Some people want kids and some people don’t.  I’m one of those people who knew from the time I was old enough to know where babies came from that I didn’t want any. I’m 43 now and haven’t had an urge to procreate even once. 

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