(Closed) Did you have a perfect childhood?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: My childhood was..

    Perfect.

    Okay.

    Tolerable.

    Terrible.

  • Post # 47
    Member
    1584 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Growing up I thought I had an average childhood.

     

    Now that I’m close to 30, not a day goes by that someone doesn’t remark with shock that I never ate X, never saw Y and wasn’t allowed to do Z. I came from VERY strict parents who had no meat or junk food in the house, wouldn’t let me watch anything beyond PBS until I was 13 or so and wouldn’t allow video games.

     

    Not to mention as I got older, I became a back burner child to my extremely needy brother. I’d often be the test experiment in parenting (like for example, my brother would steal all of the food and eat it and I would be sent to bed without dinner to demonstrate how there were repurcussions that touched others). Then there was the violence from my brother and the always living in fear, the cops coming by so often they knew us on a first name basis…

     

    I think I turned out really well, but I also look back at my childhood and I’m disappointed by how it played out.

    Post # 48
    Member
    12244 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I said perfect, because it was–with the exception of my mother having cancer twice. So she missed like two years of our lives because of chemo/bone marrow transplant/etc.

    And I was also horrifyingly bullied. But things at home were so amazing that I lived!

    I think I’ve lead a pretty charmed life from 0-17, and from 21-present.

    It’s 18-21 that was a complete shit show!

    Post # 49
    Member
    9680 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @Fruitypebbles193:  We are a very close knit family. There are 5 siblings, 2 parents, and countless aunts, uncles, and cousins. Our closeness through our childhood has transitioned into adulthood and I love it!

    Post # 50
    Member
    12244 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    View original reply
    @MrsNewDay:  “Are you SURE you need that?” Was the #1 thing my Mom said to me about food growing up!

    It STILL drives me crazy. Especially now that I’m pregnant, she CONSTANTLY warns me “Be careful–it’s so easy to gain too much weight and so hard to lose it!”

    I’m 11 weeks, and have lost 7 POUNDS since I got pregnant from morning sickness. (I’m 125 pounds now, and 5’7″) If I can put it in my mouth, I don’t care what it is! I am going to eat it!

    Post # 51
    Member
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I voted tolerable.  I would have voted OK or Perfect because of my mother but my father lowered the tolerability of my childhood in some ways. 

    Financially and materially speaking I had everything I could have ever wanted or dreamed of – a “perfect” upper-middle class upbringing.  We had a beautiful home, swimming pool, several cars, I went to a private school and had tons of clothes, shoes, jewelry, state of the art electronics, etc.  My room was AMAZING.  So, I had a perfect childhood in that sense.

    My mother was an angel and we were very close.  My father, however, had an explosive temper and was verbally and physically abusive.  It took its toll on me.  I would say I was afraid of him but I never admittted that to myself until I was older.  I was defiant towards him over time and I always stood my ground, no matter what he threw at me.  And he literally threw things at me sometimes, lol. 

    He was and is a genius, though and I highly admire his intelligence and scientific-engineer’s mind.   He taught me things I never would have learned from anyone else.  The rare times we connected I understood he was tormented in some way; he was his own problem and I wasn’t to blame.  He made my brain work in a way not natural to me – left to my own devices I was emotional and very right-brain.  With his influence I learned to think more left-brain and logically and for that I’m eternally grateful.  He never told me he loved me but he always told me I was smart.  😉

    I was lucky neither of my parents were strict – I had a lot of freedom (as long as I made sure to make straight A’s, that is, and I mostly did).

    My mother’s love and my father’s generosity with money made a complicated and interesting childhood for me, so overall I have no complaints.

    Post # 52
    Member
    3092 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It was pretty intolerable.  I left home at 15.

    Post # 53
    Member
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    My childhood was about as close to perfect as one could ever hope for.  If I can provide a childhood for my children that is even half as good as mine, they’ll have a great life.

    Post # 54
    Member
    2571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    View original reply
    @BrandNewBride:  Honestly, I find that those comments have actually harmed me rather than helped me down the road. I found myself seeking solace in eating bad food when I moved out and had to break that habit. It wasn’t easy.

    Wow, you pregnant is still lighter than me, haha. I know that I will definitely keep my mother at a distance when I get prego. I don’t need that abuse.

    Post # 55
    Member
    8434 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My childhood was terrible, I had negligent parents that just threw their money at things to “make them go away.”  My father was abusive and my parents only had me to stay in the US; as soon as their paperwork went through, I was shipped off to Taiwan.  My grandparents had me until I was 4 (best part of my childhood) and then my parents picked me up and brought me to the US.  If I had the option as a child, I would’ve rather been aborted.

    Post # 56
    Member
    2536 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’ve said that my childhood was okay, mainly because nothing can be perfect. So I would like to say I had a very good childhood. Even though my mother had PND until I was 6 because I wasn’t very old, I don’t really remember it. My father worked hard but I always knew that he loved me and my sisters and was always there for us. 

    I was a “difficult” child, had temper tantrums at 6 onwards and was painfully shy. But as I say, I was a horrible child but then a lovely teenager!

    Post # 57
    Member
    1555 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Mine was pretty awful. I’m not sure how I turned out as good as I have, lol. I feel like it taught me a lot about the type of parent I want to be, though. So all in all, it taught me a lot of life lessons. 🙂

    Post # 58
    Member
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I voted ‘tolerable’ because I know kids had it worse. My dad died when I was four and my mom married a complete pyscho when I was eleven. Things weren’t good at my house.

    Post # 59
    Member
    520 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I had a very difficult childhood due mostly to my parents’ immaturity. They married far too young and for the wrong reasons. They got pregnant with me (surprise!), and after I was born my mom somehow managed to convince my dad to marry her although he was the “rebel against society” type and didn’t “believe in” marriage. This obviously didn’t go well. They are both the youngest child in their families and were babied and sheltered and never grew up. My mom loved spending money but working, not so much. My dad loved to party but again, working…not so much. We were very poor and at a young age I began to realize how immature my parents were compared to some of my friends’. 

    My dad’s drinking got worse through the years and by the time I was 10 or so he was a raging alcoholic. He was abusive to my mother and cheated on her, and I saw and heard everything. During their fights they would try to turn me against the other, telling me that if I really loved them I would side with them. The police were called to my house SO many times. Seriously no way to keep count. My dad would break everything he could find when he got mad, so everything in our house was always broken. He kicked the front door in so many times we had to stack chairs in front of it at night because it wouldn’t lock any more. These are some of the worst memories of my life. They eventually got a divorce when I was a teenager but the damage was already done (to us all).

    Once they were divorced my mom and I were on our own and since she had never learned to hold down a job, we were dirt poor. We had no running water or electricity for much of my time left in high school (around 2 years) and I would have to shower at the neighbor’s house. Then we lost our home two days before Christmas my senior year. None of my friends ever knew any of this. I was so incredibly ashamed and kept my home life a huge secret. I suffered from depression and anxiety and was just a mess most of the time. It’s a wonder I turned out as good as I did, lol.

    Despite everything, I did feel like my parents loved me. Luckily I had grandparents who practically raised me so I did have some small sense of stability. I wouldn’t wish my childhood on anyone but it shaped me into the person I am today, and though I am not a parent yet myself it is already my mission to make damn sure my children grow up feeling loved and safe and secure. I would go to my grave fighting for my children to NEVER experience the things that I have. 

     

    Post # 60
    Member
    3571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My childhood, in my eyes, was perfect. I have one younger sister, my parents are still married.. up until we were in elementary school my mom was a stay at home mom. I loved the fact that she was there with us all the time when we were little.. and she ended up working in the school system, so when we were in school and on breaks she was home with us. We did tons of fun things during the summer, they always made holidays special for us, I’ll admit that we were spoiled (not in bratty way, but they always made sure we had what we needed/wanted).. I think our childhood was a big factor in how close both of us are with are parents now. Neither of us ever went through an awkward “i hate you phase” with either of them. I hope I can have as good of a relationship with my kids as I do with my own parents. And I absolutely can’t wait til I have kids and they can be grandparents! They’re going to be the best grandparents! We were also very close (and still are) with aunts, uncles, cousins etc.. 

     

     

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