(Closed) Did you have any guests add people to their RSVP cards?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We addressed the outside envelope to the people invited and no one added guests that weren’t invited. However, I think some other Bees have had different experiences.

Post # 6
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think if FIs family are known for adding people, you need to make it clear somehow.

In our case, we’re giving our guests 4 different menu choices, as well as 5 different drink choices, and our venue needs these numbers prior to the day. So, we plan on including the options on the RSVP cards, and asking each person to select their option. We hope that if a) the envelope is addressed to x/x and y by name and b) there is just one set of options to tick, it will be totally clear that the invitation is only for those named on the envelope.

Post # 7
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’d do the “# of seats reserved in your honor” thing.

Post # 8
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I kind of feel that as many of those complaints as I’ve seen about people adding random guests of their own, it should become the standard to to the “X number of seats have been reserved in your honor” thing.  

Or, heck, people are really freaking dense now about etiquette.  Maybe there should be a checklist on each RSVP card with the exact names of the people actually invited and spots to mark yes or no.

Post # 9
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We’re not doing inner envelopes either and I think we will be doing the # of seats reserved in your honor bit….

Also, if someone DOES RSVP with an added plus 1, call them up and tell them NO.

Post # 10
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

We didn’t have any inner envelopes, either, and we only had one instance of guests being added. We invited a couple who are friends with FI’s family, and we gave their son (a childhood friend of FI) a separate invitation because he lives on his own. He’s unable to come, unfortunately, but the couple decided to add both of their college-aged daughters to their RSVP. Fiance intentionally didn’t want to invite them just because they were never close, but we’ve let it go since our numbers were lower than we expected. I’m sure FI’s sisters will be glad to see them there!

Post # 11
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We only had one person bring a plus one when a plus one wasn’t given to her.  everyone else who wanted to bring a plus one asked me first.

Post # 14
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We are doing “– of — attending” because of the RSVP troubles my friends have had. Kids and significant others are invited, but teenagers’girlfriends, a playmate for your child, and your sister’s family aren’t. My FI’s family is wonderful about including people for all events, but we have capacity constraints and are trying to avoid additions.

Post # 15
484 posts
Helper bee

Heh, I just got an earful on another thread because I got upset over a friend asking if he can bring his (to us unknown) girlfriend and then saying he’ll chip in for her if our finances are still stretched due to ongoing unemployment. I flew into a bit of a rage over it, it took Fiance about 8 hours to talk me off the ledge. I just figure that if the bride and groom don’t give you a +1 it’s their call – I’ve never argued with it! Do whatever you can do avoid confusion, it’ll help in the long run.

Post # 16
4337 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We did “We have reserved X seats in your honor” and no one added an extra person. We didn’t offer random plus ones, either, and still no one tried to bring someone not on the invite.

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