(Closed) Did you have guest who showed up without gift?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What's the most typical wedding gift amount?
    $50 per person : (44 votes)
    33 %
    $100 per person : (27 votes)
    20 %
    $150 per person : (6 votes)
    5 %
    $200 per person : (3 votes)
    2 %
    $50 per couple/ family : (10 votes)
    8 %
    $100 per couple/ family : (18 votes)
    14 %
    $150 per couple/ family : (8 votes)
    6 %
    $200 per couple/ family : (16 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 61
    Member
    1419 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I attempted only one wedding and unfortunately it was around the time I was laid off. I could not afford to give them $200 in envelope but they fortunately had registry at a store that I had credit card from. So I picked few things off registry that totalled to about $100. I hope they were happy.

    Post # 64
    Member
    733 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    dkfls:  Yes it’s a big relief when the wedding is over. Enjoy it though, and congrats! Yeah I had registry info on my website as well. 🙂

    Post # 66
    Member
    733 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    sylwia212:  I truly think it’s the thought that counts! I mentioned in a post that where I’m from people tend to give cash per person or per couple but I appreciated people who gave a registry gift or a smaller gift with a sweet card. I would never want someone to give me more than they could afford!

    Post # 67
    Member
    315 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Bored6:  I think saying “In any and all cultures expecting a gift from everyone you invite is just plain rude, not the other way around.” is a sweeping generalization that isn’t true. In AMERICAN culture expecting a gift from everyone is just plain rude. But as the OP said, in Korean culture its rude to show up without a gift. The same goes for the Greek culture (I am Greek). When I was young, my family was invited to so many weddings, it became too expensive, and my parents started going either just the two of them, or sending my sister and I with extended family. 

    That said, as a Greek-Canadian, I have been in the NA culture enough to know not to expect a gift from everyone at my own wedding. Even identifying as a Greek person, I am not the type to look at the cash, I look at the thought. But in cultures around the world, thats not necessarily the case. You may think its rude to expect a gift in all cultures, but its rude as hell for me to show up to wedding without a gift. its just a different culture. Thats how it is in my culture, and its not rude. (this part may refer to you, OP!) 

     

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  kat010710.
    Post # 68
    Member
    315 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    dkfls:  I have been there! I went to a wedding as a student and only put $75 in the envelope for me and I felt HORRIBLE, especially after the main of surf and turf. But what could I do? it wasn’t close family or friends at all, and that was all I could afford. 

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  kat010710.
    Post # 69
    Member
    384 posts
    Helper bee

    My partner and I always give enough to “cover our plate” that is the general rule of thumb where we are (Ontario).

    That being said, for our wedding most of my family is traveling far and some don’t make much money or any money so I wouldn’t expect gifts from them.

    Post # 70
    Member
    56 posts
    Worker bee

    Sorry – I must have worded it wrong.  I totally agree with OP about gifts – I dont’ think the custom is rude.  I feel if a couple has a demanding attitude about gifts that’s rude, but its not weird to ‘expect’ them 🙂 Sorry if I didn’t communicate that right!

    Post # 71
    Member
    4037 posts
    Honey bee

    We paid for 98 guests, at my daughter’s, formal, black-tie, $$$ wedding. 3 were no-shows. Of the 95 who attended, there wasn’t even so much as a card, from 15 of them. And it’s been over 6 months, so I don’t think the bride and groom are holding their breath. 12 of the 15 were from the groom’s side. A heartfelt message, written in a card, would have been a lovely gesture.  

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