(Closed) Did you have to "define the relationship"…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Did you have to "DTR"?
    Yes, and I brought it up. : (64 votes)
    25 %
    Yes, and my SO brought it up. : (69 votes)
    27 %
    No, it was a mutual understanding what the relationship was. : (107 votes)
    42 %
    Other (explain) : (14 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    2838 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    The first time my now Darling Husband asked me to be his girlfriend, I told him it was too soon.  So we dated for a little longer. Then he asked me again and I asked him, “What does it mean to you to call me your girlfriend?”  His answer was perfect, even though he was caught off guard by the question, and I said, “yes”.  Then 5 months later we got engaged. 7 months after that we got married.  We got married the same weekend that one year before we had been on our first date. 🙂

    Post # 48
    Member
    251 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    We met online. The first date was over a month apart from the second as we both had military leave and went to our respective homes but spoke to each other everyday on skype and over the next few dates we were getting fairly loved up (keeping in mind that although it wasnt many dates we spoke to each other everyday, even if we were on exercise and not supposed to!). On the fourth date I went to his base and one thing led to another, the next morning I rolled out of bed and he said “so does that make you my girlfriend then?”

     

    It is a story I can never tell my Grandma.

    Post # 49
    Member
    561 posts
    Busy bee

    It turned out that I didn’t have to do the DTR, but I brought it up at 6 weeks just to be clear anyway.

    He isn’t the type to date around, but since we started dating right after we met, I thought I’d rather bring it up and be clear about it than not.

    @MeiFrancis:  My Boyfriend or Best Friend seems to be a lot like yours, and after I brought it up he said he assumed we were dating exclusively at that point, and I agreed that it had gotten to the point where it was getting obvious, but I think clear communication is important so I brought it up for posterity. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    3063 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Not until we started talking engagement/marriage did we really sit down to discuss and define our relationship and that was 5 years in. Prior to that it had simply evolved on it’s own to an exclusive, serious relationship.

    Post # 51
    Member
    657 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    The last serious relationship I had before Fiance was not a healthy one (ex b/f was controlling and mentally abusive towards me), so I took a risk by defining this relationship before it even started. 

    I told him up front that dating=potential marriage for me, jealousy is unacceptable, cheating is a zero tolerance occurance, that he will get along with my family, etc etc. Luckily he agreed with everything and here we are, getting married on NYE! 

    (I know for a fact that if he wasn’t the right guy for me, that the conversation would have ended up with us never dating in the first place..which for me equals not wasting either of our time…so win, win!)

     

    Post # 52
    Member
    1306 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I had known my Darling Husband for a few years before we became a couple. When we became a couple, he only was going to be in the states for 7 months before a year long deployment. one night we were supposed to go out but instead we grabbed cake and coffe and headed to the beach. I asked him about us because I really wanted to know where we were going before he left and his expectations returning home (he was giving up his apartment during the deployment and I was unsure if he wanted to move in or what). We were very much on the same page and happily, we agreed on what we were, where we wanted to be, and how and when to get there 🙂

    Post # 53
    Member
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I brought it up on the fourth date, because the following day I was going to a conference that is hookups galore, and from which many of my friends have developed new relationships, and I wanted to know whether he wanted us to be exclusive or not. Becuase if not I would have been on the prowl that week! Up until that point we had both been seeing other people also, though they were both fuckbuddy sorts of situations. After that point, we were inseparable.

     

    It was kind of funny because I asked him if he considered himself “in a relationship” with me and he was all, “Uhhhhh, what does that MEAN?” and I was like, “shit, too soon!” but then he followed up with, “If it means I want to date you exclusively and fully expect not just to see you once after this but to continue seeing and talking to you for the forseeable future, then yes.” And it was like, oh, okay, that’s good, that IS what I meant.

    Post # 54
    Member
    595 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We never really had the discussion.  We did move in together after a month of dating though.

    Post # 55
    Member
    2094 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    He said he loved me first but we never had a DTR. Two days later I said since he said he loved me I find it only logical we are in a relationship. He said I thought we were in one. I said we should make it official. He asked me to move in with him & suggested looking for a ring on his own. 

    So kind of all 3?

    Post # 56
    Member
    1578 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

    I told him I wanted to be his girlfriend and he told me I already was. 😉

    Post # 57
    Member
    887 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    we have been inseparable basically from the moment we started hanging out together. hubs was also not that experienced in the dating department, mostly by choice. he isn’t a “casual dating” type of guy. he knew right away that he only wanted something exclusive and was willing to wait to meet the right gal. =) 

    so we never officially had a DTR moment, unless you count the moment i changed my FB status?

    Post # 58
    Member
    230 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I’ve never understood the concept of defining the relationship.  I have never been one to date multiple men at once.  It was obvious from the beginning that my husband and I were in it for keeps. 

    Post # 59
    Member
    1291 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Yes, he asked me to be his girlfriend about 2 weeks after we met. We technically since we met online, almost a month after we met online, but 2 weeks after we met in person (chatted online for 2 weeks before meeting)

     

    Post # 60
    Member
    4411 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

    I voted “No”, but Darling Husband now I’m wondering if I should have said yes, he brought it up.  

    Darling Husband and I worked in the same office, but I didn’t know he was interested in me until he asked me out to lunch. When we went to lunch he asked me if I was seeing anyone, and when I said no, he asked me if I wanted to date him, and I said sure.  After that we were pretty much inseparatable. 

    Post # 61
    Member
    1170 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Fiance (15 days til he is my DH) and I met on online. We online dated for three months with skype and then he moved to my area with the Army. He told me he loved me on our first date, on our second date he told me that he had met the woman he was going to marry. Now almost 3 years later here we are!!!

    He then made me wait 3 months to get him in the sack just to prove he loved me.

     

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