(Closed) Did you include your parents names on invite? Did they expect it?

posted 7 years ago in Paper
  • poll: Did you include your parents names on the invite?

    Yes

    No

    They cared strongly about this

    They were indifferent

  • Post # 32
    Member
    960 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @engleman10513:  I wanted to just write “together with their parents” but they insisted that I should name the parents. I managed to get them down to just “Mr & Mrs X & Mr & Mrs Y”

    My parents name went first because they’re contributing twice the amount his parents are.

    Post # 33
    Member
    264 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    We didn’t include names. We’re both in our 30s. Our parents aren’t paying. And there  wasn’t any space on our invitation after we included the cruise info. 

     
    So we wrote something like “Together with their family and friends (bride) & (groom) invite you to celebrate their wedding on Royal Caribbean’s Allure of the Seas…” 

    Post # 34
    Member
    11517 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I’m planning to use ‘together with their families’ – although my dad is contributing I haven’t told anyone besides FH that (I don’t want to make my mom feel bad because she can’t afford to help me, and I don’t want to cause drama – my sister recently asked my dad for help buying a car and was told no – didn’t ask dad for help with the wedding, he offered and said he’ll do the same for my sisters, just don’t want to get in to that) and my dad is remarried, mom is in a LTR (With a man I can’t stand) and FH’s parents are happily married.  It would just get complicated.  ‘Together with their families’ seems to make it all better 🙂

    Post # 35
    Member
    9524 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @engleman10513:  

    my mom is hosting so her name is on the invitation

    we did not put my FI’s mom on the invitation.

    Post # 36
    Member
    13610 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Our parents names would have been on the invitation whether they were paying or not.  They co- hosted, they raised us.  It was a no brainer.  

    Post # 37
    Member
    335 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    We didn’t use our parents names, but we’re also paying for it 100%. Our parents couldn’t care less (or at least haven’t said anything).

    Post # 38
    Member
    12244 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    We put both sets of parent’s names on the invite, but none of them really cared!

    Post # 39
    Member
    13610 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @MrsBeck:   Traditionally, the names of the person or people who are hosting, not paying, go on the invitation.  Years ago, everyone lived in the same town and moved in the same social circles, and  bride’s parents usually hosted.  Even if groom’s side contributed significantly, ie flowers, bar, band or more, one couldn’t  “buy” the  honor and it wasn’t considered necessary or proper to put their names on the invitation since everyone knew them.

    Now, things are more equal, as they should be.  If parents are hosting or co- hosting it is both common and considerate to put both names.

    If the couple is older, independent or hosting, planning and organizing, then  their names go on the invitation, or a combination of names, ie parents and couple. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    6400 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @engleman10513:  In the UK etiquette dictates that the invitation is addressed from whoever is hosting (ie paying for) the wedding. In our case, my parents are paying for pretty much the entire day, so the invite will be from them (ie Mr and Mrs x invite you to join them in celebrating the marriage of their daughter barbie to Mr Y). So, if the couple are paying it comes from them, if the grooms parents are paying it comes from them, etc. 

    If we were to word it any other way there would be ambiguity or uncertainty as to who is paying get, and given my parents are spending £20k on this I feel they should get credit. I would feel uncomfortable addressing them from us and not them as a result. 

    I don’t know if this is the case elsewhere though. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    1667 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Traditionally the hosts name comes first, my parents are hosting, so their name will be  at the top of the invitation. They are paying for everything, so they are the hosts. If we were paying for the wedding ourselves, or our parents were contributing a little but not hosting, I’m sure we’d go with “Togther with their families” or something.

    Post # 42
    Member
    756 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My parents are hosting, and paying for like 90% but they felt strongly that they did not want their names on the invitations. They are just like that. My Dad will give a welcome speech/toast at the wedding though and everyone knows that they are hosting. 

    We did “Together with their families” and our invitation was pretty casual.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1772 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    OP maybe you can change poll to ask if any FI’s parents cared too?

    for us, we’re paying and completely planning ourselves and not listing any parents. We aren’t asking if they care. Mine will be fine with it FI’s will probably be livid, but they get infuriated and feel disrespected by the wind blowing. they aren’t on speaking terms with him right now and might not be on good terms when invites go out or by the time of the wedding either.

    I’ll say something nice about my parents and family in a toast at the wedding. Fiance might do the same if his can act reasonably. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    4438 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    I did because I liked the way it sounded and they were helping financially.  I’m not sure if they wanted it that way or didn’t care, they let me run the show 🙂

    Post # 45
    Member
    1722 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    We included “along with our parents,” no names, on our invitations. They didn’t throw the wedding, we did. My in-laws did eventually insist on shoving some money at us, so including the “along with our parents” was a failsafe against them bitching that they gave money and we didn’t include their names.

     

    Post # 46
    Member
    1584 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I put my parents and his parents on the invite. No one is contributing to the wedding financially, so it was just a nice gesture on our end. My MIL-to be still complained about how my parents were first. I told her to research proper invitation etiquette before complaining about the order. She did, realized she didn’t have to be on it at ALL and actually apologized for assuming!

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