Post # 1
So my fiance & I are struggling with the “inviting the ex issue” and I noticed a lot of other bees do as well. The general consensus is no. Do not invite an ex. It will upset one or both of you and it’s YOUR day so you shouldn’t invite anyone who makes you unhappy or is a reminder of your fiance’s past relationships.
Unfortunately, the issue is often complicated and a lot of Bees (including myself) are concerned that NOT inviting an ex will cause even more problems than inviting them. At the same time, who wants their wedding day to be marred by the presence of someone their fiance had a relationship with and/or is a general pain in the bum?
So what I’d like to know is, did anyone invite an ex or their fiance’s ex to their wedding? If so, how did it go? Are all of us concerned Bees completely over-reacting or were fears confirmed and it put a damper on your special day?
Or, if you didn’t invite an ex, what was the result? Did the ex understand or eventually get over it or did it destroy the friendship and make things awkward with other friends for a long time afterwards?
Post # 3
@MorningStar_Smiles: We did not invite exs. We do not currently talk to them so there were no hurt feelings. Honestly, I don’t think exs should be invited and I don’t think they should take it personally. I wouldn’t even want to go to my ex’s wedding! However, if you remained friends I could see it being harder to decide, but I would think if your ex is a true friend, s/he would understand the position that would put them in.
Post # 4
No… why would you invite an ex? I don’t speak to any of my exes and neither does my fiance. Why be concerned with their feelings? The relationship with them is OVER and long done, everyone needs to just move on.
The ONLY reason I can think of to invite an ex is if you share children with the person, but in that case hopefully everyone is mature enough to get along anyway.
Post # 5
My Maid/Matron of Honor is DH’s ex. They dated and lived together about ten years ago. They still work together, but she is my absolute best friend.
Post # 6
Why would you consider inviting an ex unless they were currently dating one of your other friends??
Post # 7
Erm… Other. We both invited exes. Mine came all day with his girlfriend and helped carry my chair in the Horah; his came in the evening and wished us well having obviously put a lot of effort into her outfit and hair.
I’ve just realised it was exes that one of us hates… yes. He invited one of his exes who I hate but she didn’t come. She’d asked us to come to her wedding… as vendors… for free. This after she’d asked him if he still had naked pictures of her and then got pissy when I gave her an earful (I don’t care if he does, but she shouldn’t bloody ask).
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
We’re inviting one of my exes and his wife because they are some of our best friends. I think if you think of the guy as a dear friend it’s fine – if he’s just an ex and there’s anything awkward, no way.
eta: Just saw your poll asks about an ex that you hate. HELLLL NO! I wouldn’t invite anyone that one of us hates, let alone an ex. Who care what anyone else thinks – its your wedding and you shouldn’t have anyone there you hate.
Post # 9
FH mentioned inviting one of his exes, but I told him that I wasn’t comfortable with that. She’s tried to get him to sleep with her on several different occasions and she’s always making off handed comments about how great their relationship was versus my relationship with him. Needless to say, she won’t be getting an invitation. I feel like she would cause a scene if she did come and I’d just rather not have that.
Post # 10
I’m inviting my ex and his ex is one of my bridesmaids. His other ex is also invited as well. We’re gonna have a super awkward wedding! haha
Post # 11
I used to work with my ex and I will be inviting a lot of mutial friends, however I do not intend to invite him. I feel like everyone would be more shocked if I did invite him. We do not get along very well and It is always awkward when I hang out with that group of friends and he is there. My Fiance does not have a bad relationship with his ex Fiance, but I would not be comfortable having her there. She lives far away now and he hasn’t talked to her in years, so we would never have thought to invite her.
Post # 12
I invited my ex since we’re still good friends & she’s been with my Maid/Matron of Honor for 4 years; it wasn’t a big deal. We didn’t invite DH’s ex since neither of us talk to her/that circle anymore. It wasn’t a big deal either.
Post # 13
A friend of mine got married and had two of her exes and one fling at her wedding it was just so wrong and I couldn’t understand it myself! Each to their own but personally I wouldn’t do it!!
Post # 14
@MorningStar_Smiles: I would not invite an ex. If it was a DISTANT ex, like 10+ years and you were still friends, then maybe… but unless you elaborate further, I have no idea how not inviting an ex could cause more problems than inviting an ex.
Post # 15
I think it depends on your relationship with the ex. I dated a guy in like gr 9 for like a month, he’s my best guy friend.. he was actually in our wedding party. Does that count as it was so long ago? I also dated another guy on and off for a long time and he was at our wedding. We’re friends, it would have been weird not to invite him. If your ex is someone who you are both friends with, then yes totally invite them. If you’re not friends, don’t hang out on a regular basis and it would be awkward to have them there.. then don’t invite them.
Post # 16
I would never invite an ex. Fi & I recently discussed this because fsil is inviting my brothers ex to their wedding. And her ex and his kid. Fi felt very strongly that he doesn’t want anyone at our wedding who he can trade bedroom tips about me with! Those were his words but I get it.