Post # 1
Hey Bees! I could use some insight here.
In April my mom and I plan on going dress shopping. Actually, I’m going this Friday with my best friend who is getting married one month before me. I totally love that we get to share this. Anyway! Friday is to narrow down my choices, in the end, my mom’s opinion means most to me.
My Fiance is an only child. Fiance and his mother have a very….strained relationship. I don’t have the energy to list ALL the things that have happened in the last 2 years but to sum it up:
Fighting, his mother saying some incredibly hurtful things to him (he’s said his fair share of mean things, usually in defense to what she’s already said.) A nervous breakdown by Fiance (I’ve never seen anything like it.) All in all its been a really trying 2 years with his mom. Their relationship is getting a little better, I’m having a hard time forgiving what she’s said. I would be willing to bet my mom would rather chop her own arm off then to say to me what his mom has said to him. I’m not feeling friendly toward her currently.
She’s very bitter right now due to her current on going divorce. A kind of bitterness I’m afraid will rear it’s ugly head. This, and my inability to forgive her yet, makes me truly not want her to be a part of dress shopping.
I’ve been married once before. My ex was a mama’s boy and his mother was crazy. She caused so much drama during our wedding planning that we both got fed up, eloped, and never invited her. I never got the dress shopping experience the first time, and I’ll be damned if my Future Mother-In-Law now ruins this one.
I guess my question is: did you invite your Future Mother-In-Law dress shopping? If you did, did you feel pressured to do so? Did you wish you hadn’t?
I guess I’m just feeling guilty. I want this memorable moment with my mom. Just my mom. Since this is FMILs only child, I feel I’m cheating her out of this at the same time.
Thanks in advance Bees!
Post # 2
There is no obligation to invite your Future Mother-In-Law dress shopping. If you do not want her there, do not invite her.
Post # 3
I invited mine but you should probably not invite yours.
Post # 4
No way I would invite my Mother-In-Law dress shopping. Not that I have a bad relationship with her, we are not close but very cordial and she treats her son (my now husband) and me very well. In other words I think my relationship with my Mother-In-Law is better than what you have described yours to be. And yet no way would I have invited her dress shopping. This is a once in a lifetime bonding experience I want to share with MY MOM. My fiancé also came along, where we live we don’t do the whole first look thing.
its just too bad she doesn’t have a daughter to share dress shopping with and I honestly don’t think you asking her would be a substitute in her mind, anyway. It may even make her feel bitter and ruin your experience.
Post # 5
I have the same but opposite issue. My mother and I haven’t talked in years (except for the text yesterday telling me to attend a funeral on Saturday for an aunt I never met, but thats a whole other story). I tried shopping alone but found it frustrating. Future Mother-In-Law is gracious to understand and offer her help. We don’t know each other very well yet and I hoping it will bond us a little. (I’m flying to Philly next month, she can’t come to us very easily)
You don’t have to invite her, and it looks like it will not be a pleasant experiance then skip it. It doesn’t sound like you want her there and it doesn’t sound like she will be of much help. Have a great experience with your mom!
Post # 6
No I didn’t and it sure sounds like you shouldn’t.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2015 - Golf Course
I invited my Future Mother-In-Law because we are pretty close, we live in FI’s parents’ basement, and she kind of looks at me like a daughter she never had. We get on very well.
That being said, it sounds like your relationship with Future Mother-In-Law is very different, and doesn’t lend it self well to dress shopping. I would say to not invite her, and if she gets upset, say you just wanted to keep it small so you don’t get overwhelmed with opinions.
Post # 8
I invited my fmil and she helped me picked my dress. No regrets here. I love my fil.
Post # 9
I love my Future Mother-In-Law but I didn’t really want a big parade when I went shopping, once was with my Maid/Matron of Honor and the other time my mum & sister. I really don’t get those people on SYTTD with huge entourages, at the end of the day you know your taste so why do you need other peoples validation?
Post # 10
no, I didn’t invite her dress shopping. She sat in silence when we announced our engagement, after I had waited to call and tell MY mom an entire DAY, because we were with his parents on vacation and thought it best to tell them first…
we are not “besties” by any means though we do kinda get along now (though I went dress shopping in May).
she has never said anything about dress shopping (or practically ANYTHING wedding related) so I’m assuming she didn’t care much about not being invited. I felt like it was a very intimate and private experience that I wouldn’t be comfortable sharing with her. I mean, if he wants to take her suit shopping… Fine. Lol
Post # 11
I wanted to invite my Future Mother-In-Law since she has no daughter’s but i totally jumped ahead of the game and purchased a dress when my mom and i went. I hadn’t planned on buying a dress when i went but i found one and bought it.
Your case is a little different given the history that is involved. If you don’t want to invite her don’t. There is no rule on who to bring dress shopping. Really there are only recommendations and we know that the less people the better.
Post # 12
nope nope nope. I have a strained relationship with her and am doing the minimum I must to be civil. For her part, she actively insults me and Fiance, so simply being civil is taking the high road.
Would NOT invite my Future Mother-In-Law to go dress shopping and will NOT be getting ready with her on my wedding day. If she wants to be involved, she can work on being a pleasant person first.
Post # 13
Do not feel guilty. Absolutely do not invite her. This is YOUR dress shopping and I needs to be happy and enjoyable.
I had my dress made and did not invite my Mother-In-Law to come with me to the seamstress. The first person who saw my dress was my mom, and rightfully so.
Post # 14
Nope – I never would consider it. I don’t value her opinion, in the least. She gave birth to my husband, and that is it. Mine is narcissistic and histrionic and always makes everything all about her. She would sit there and go on and on about her dress and her wedding and my mother and I would have to sit there with clenched jaws, trying not to smack her.
Post # 15
I think if you had a good relationship with her it’d be an option, but this is about you, not her. Trust me, dress shopping is a fun and wonderful experience but with the wrong people it can be hell.