Post # 1
So I went on initial shopping trip with a bridesmaid who I only see about once a year. She is a junior high friend and we had the opportunity to meet up in th same city so naturally, we went shopping.
I’m still quite a ways from my wedding so eventually I’ll go shopping again in my home city with my mom, sister, and aunt. (Sster and aunt will be the Maid/Matron of Honor and last bridesmaid). I’m wondering if I should invite my FMIL?
The background on our relationship:
1. I’ve been with my fiancé for 6 years and have known her almost that long as well.
2. He is an only child so she will never go dress shopping for any other FDIL’s or daughters. So I thought it would be nice to invite her for this reason alone.
3. She is from China and they moved to Canada shortly before my fiance was born to them later in life, so she is still quite traditional, still has difficulties with English sometimes, etc.
I guess the reason I’m unsure is because although we get along very well and I want to involve her, she is a very different personality and background than the rest of my family. I want to be myself and have a great time, but I do tend to be a bit more conservative around her.
What have the rest of you done? What should I do in this situation?
Post # 3
I didn’t invite mine, and I wouldn’t invite yours. It seems like a nice gesture but I don’t think it’s necessary.
Post # 4
I didn’t invite mine either, and she didn’t really expect to be invited. What I did was I sent her photos of the dress I finally ended up picking, so she could be involved!
Post # 5
I invited mine. I had tried on dresses two times before with my mum. When I found “the dress” I was with my mum, sister and Future Mother-In-Law. My mum was actually the one the suggested I go with her. So we went tried some on then went to lunch. After lunch I went back with Future Mother-In-Law tried the dress on again and paid for it. She seemed to have fun and I’m glad she was there.
Post # 6
I actually never considered inviting her until I have been watching a lot of SYTTD lately, and lots of FMILs are on there! I am leaning towards not inviting her the first time, but I would like to show it to her I think.
Post # 7
I didn’t invite mine because I wanted a small group. I didn’t invite any other BMs besides my Maid/Matron of Honor who is my only sister. It was just her and my mom that came with.
Do what will make you MOST comfortable!
Post # 8
If you plan on going shopping more than once, I would invite her at least once. It will probably mean a lot to her, and will give your mother and her a chance to get to know each other. Honestly I would be more likely to invite her to the first shopping experience, because your less likely to be buying during that visit, and won’t feel influenced on your final decision by her presence.
I shopped once with my mom and sister, but it was way before my wedding when I just happened to be in my hometown. The rest of my dress shopping I did alone, until I went with Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law to pick out FSIL’s bridesmaid dress. I ended up buying another dress even though I hadn’t planned on it. It was nice to have someone who knew me along, and they’ve both been great to our family (I have a 5yo son and FH and I have a daughter together). I think inviting your Future Mother-In-Law would be a nice gesture but you should do what makes you feel the most comfortable.
Post # 9
I invited mine for one of the reasons you give: FH is an only child, so I thought it would be a nice gesture to let her do a “daughter-y” wedding thing. I also just really like her, she’s a swell lady! She politely declined, because she didn’t want to make my shopping entourage even bigger.
I think you should do whatever makes you comfortable. If you don’t think you’ll be able to be yourself entirely around her (which I completely understand), maybe leave her at home until a fitting, or an early trip when you’re more just browsing. That way she can be involved, but when the stakes/pressure are a little lower.
Post # 10
I didn’t invite mine. I only went shopping one day, and it was just my mom and I. I know my mom would have done whatever I wanted, but I know that this was really special for her. I have a younger sister, but she will more than likely not go down a traditional route when she gets married. I wanted to keep it a small group, too.
Post # 11
I went on a few dress hunting trips, and my Future Mother-In-Law came once. I’m not close with my own Mum, and I’m pretty close with Future Mother-In-Law.. plus, none of FI’s brothers’ fiancées/wives asked her to go, so I figured it would be a nice gesture.
Post # 12
I didn’t because I wanted that to be a special trip with just me and my mom. DH has two sisters, so I know Mother-In-Law will get to go shopping with them when it’s their turn. Do what would make you most comfortable!
Post # 13
I didn’t invite mine, but I stopped by her house afterwards to show her pictures of the dresses I tried.
Post # 14
I invited my Future Mother-In-Law since her only daughter died I wanted her to feel involved with some of the wedding stuff. Plus we have a pretty good relationship!
Post # 15
My mom couldn’t come, so I didn’t invite Future Mother-In-Law. I thought it would be weird to have Future Mother-In-Law and not my mom. I ended up going once, and then buying a dress used (that was similiar to the dresses I had tried on) so I emailed both of them pictures before I made the purchase. I had already decided that I was getting it regardless though. Future Mother-In-Law saw my dress on a recent visit, which was nice, but she is concerned about it clashing with the venue (dress is blush/champagne, venue is red). I think it will be fine though and I’m not changing either one. I’m really excited for my mom and my sister to see the dress when they come for graduation. I plan on kicking Fiance out of the apt for a little while so I can try it on for them. When I went dress shopping I brought my sister, Maid/Matron of Honor, one Bridesmaid or Best Man (the one who is local) and my dad (because he wouldn’t lend me the car and I was visiting and left mine at home). (MOH and Bridesmaid or Best Man don’t know they’re in the wedding yet.) It was nice, but my dad was really really emotional so he left. I think it finally clicked for him that I’m getting married while I was trying things on.
Post # 16
I only invited my mom, and at the last minute invited my sister who’s also my Maid/Matron of Honor. I wanted as little “hoopla” as possible, and felt more comfortable with a small group. Afterwards at the next family function, I showed my Future Mother-In-Law as well as some of the other bridal party members.