(Closed) Did you invite your FMIL to get ready with you?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Did you invite FMIL to get ready with you?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 16
    Member
    1604 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My Future Mother-In-Law is great.  MY SM is the one we are happy to have excuses to avoid.  Fortunately there are no hotels good enough for her in the area, so she and my dad are staying an hour away. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    1401 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I didn’t invite my Mother-In-Law, but she invited herself. I gave her the last hair and makeup appointment and “invited” her at that time so she wasn’t with us ALL day. 😑

    Post # 18
    Member
    2733 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

    I didn’t – but I would have been happy to if she’d wanted to.  She got hair and makeup done with her daughter and then got ready at home with DH – I know she valued having that time to spend with him before the ceremony.

    Post # 19
    Member
    489 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I invited my Future Mother-In-Law to get ready with us, but we’re really close so I didn’t really consider not doing it. I think it just depends on your relationship with her! Also, my Future Mother-In-Law has three sons and no daughters so she’s been really happy to be included in any part of the wedding process since she’s very “girly,” so I figured it was a small thing I could do to make her very happy, and it will be fun to have her there! I don’t think it’s 100% necessary, though, so it really just depends on what will make you happy that day. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    509 posts
    Busy bee

    no im not inviting her… she will be at home with my hubby to be.. getting ready at the house with him… she is having a big greek festival at her house on the morning of the wedding… seriously when i was there for my SILs weddings there were over 100 people in the house drinking/dancing to the live band!! 

    Post # 21
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I invited my Future Mother-In-Law and FGIL (grandma in-law haha) to get hair/makeup done with my maids, mom and I.  We are getting ready at a hotel and I’m pretty sure they will be in and out of the room while waiting for their turn, so I’m not too concerned about space, etc. My Future Mother-In-Law can be very opionated too. But I feel the more maids you have will keep her in check I’m sure… women usually operate on an “Alpha” level and will probably feel uncomfortable, low end of the totem pole if you will, when they are not top dog or out numbered.  It might be a nice gesture to include her? but don’t feel you have to, its your wedding.

    Post # 22
    Member
    90 posts
    Worker bee

    I will probably invite Future Mother-In-Law and her mom to join us if they’d like. Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t have any girls, and Fiance is the first to get married. She’s also very sweet and has been really good to me, so I’m happy to have her along. Plus, FGIL is an absolute riot!

    Post # 23
    Member
    161 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    Absolutely. Our wedding is in December but I already know she’ll be there. We are very close and get along really well- but Fiance and I already have a child together, so I gave birth to the first grand baby. That definitely makes me closer to her than the average bride probably is to her Future Mother-In-Law. 

    Plus, she never had a daughter, only four boys, and Fiance is the first to get married so I know she’d love to be part of the experience.

    I don’t think its wrong to not want your Future Mother-In-Law there, though, OP. I know a lot of women aren’t as lucky as I am to have an amazing, easy going Future Mother-In-Law. Bottom line is it is YOUR day, so do invite whomever and do whatever makes you happy and comfortable. Just consider her feelings first. Sometimes it is worth biting the bullet and dealing with certain things rather than causing drama with your new family. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    180 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    Yes and it was awkward as hell. She decided to bring HER mom to get ready with us, which was weird to me that she’d do that without checking in first. I felt guilty getting ready and having fun with my bridesmaids and Mother-In-Law and her mom seemed to be wanting me to entertain them. It was also weird for me getting into my dress with them standing there watching – all of my bridesmaids and I are comfortable around each other, but that same level of comfort isn’t there with Mother-In-Law and her mom. 

    Having her there to get ready is a nice gesture, it was just poorly executed in my case. I don’t think you are obligated, though.

    Post # 25
    Member
    1150 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I didn’t have a bridal party, so I decided to invite Mother-In-Law, SILs, my sister, aunt, mom, and best friend to all get ready with me.  I organized hair, makeup and lunch for everyone.  I love my now-DH’s family and only see them a few times a year, so it seemed like the right thing to do.  It was a really nice day and I think it meant so much to them to be included.

    Post # 26
    Member
    969 posts
    Busy bee

    Hell no.

    And, if your future mother-in-law is “extremely opinionated” and basically doesn’t have a filter, then why would you want to invite that into your wedding day preparations?  That just sounds like you’re asking for trouble.

    Don’t do it.  If she asks, say it’s for the bridal party only and hope she understands (even if that’s a lie).  If she doesn’t bring it up, just ignore the topic altogether.

    Post # 27
    Member
    2542 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    No, she got ready with her husband and helped grandma get ready. She was welcome to drop in and chat with me, though.

    Post # 28
    Member
    217 posts
    Helper bee

    It seems like such a foreign concept to me to NOT invite the FMIL! Idk, I guess I must be lucky because I get along so well with mine, but I feel like it would kind of me a slight to her. (This isn’t meant to be judgey- everyone has different relationships and expectations!!)’

    Post # 29
    Member
    126 posts
    Blushing bee

    I wouldn’t mind asking my Future Mother-In-Law – we all get along fine and she’s met my parents before when we had a small engagement dinner for the parents to meet. I actually hadn’t thought to ask her (as her other daughter in law didn’t, and her daughters didn’t invite their FMILs either). I think it’s a nice gesture but not mandated.

    Although, I think my Future Mother-In-Law wants to drive my Fiance (as she’s gotten a beautiful new car recently) so I’m not sure if the logistics will work out (where will Fiance be while his mum is getting ready in our hotel suite?)

    I suppose all the gentlemen can be downstairs in the bar getting a drink while the ladies are getting ready (hahah!) If they’re OK with that, then I’d ask my Future Mother-In-Law to join us.

    Post # 30
    Member
    336 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    View original reply
    futuremrsm3:  I planned to, but involving my Future Mother-In-Law in the venue search, dress appointment and everything wedding related has only caused problems for me. So now I won’t be! If she can be there and be supportive, I say its nice to keep her included. 

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