(Closed) Did you keep change or hyphenate?

posted 8 years ago in Names
Post # 17
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I can definitely give you the cons of hyphens, based on DH’s bellyaching (he has a hyphenated name, and I didn’t take it because of that!). Let’s say his name is “Doe-Smith”: 

1. In the age of computers, it is a PITA. I don’t think I’ve been able to download DH’s boarding passes ONCE in nine years–there’s always some snafoo because every system is different and I have to call customer service to resolve it–and this goes for credit cards, transcripts, phone bills, you name it. When Darling Husband applied to college, he wound up sending FOUR applications because the school kept calling him and saying they didn’t have it. Finally, on the deadline date, my Darling Husband realized, “Hey, did you check for my application under ‘S’ for ‘Smith'” instead of ‘Doe’?” Sure enough, all four of them were there. And he did end up going to that college, but what a pain.

“Doe-Smith” can be listed as any one of the following:

“Smith-Doe,” “Doesmith,” “Doe Smith,” “Smith Doe,” just “Smith” or just “Doe”…And don’t get me started on the spellings–“Doah-Smythe,” “Dowe-Smith” etc. etc.So you get why the age of computers and hyphenated names are not getting along.

2. It does make most names long which can be annoying to write out over time.


I didn’t change my name because I didn’t want a hyphen and I’m fine with it. Hasn’t caused any issues.


Post # 19
10363 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Ok, so, i’m one of those uber independent sciency-types that hyphenated because I couldn’t quite bring myself to change my name completely,

I regret it ALL THE TIME. It’s been a huge nightmare. There are almost no computer systems out there that can acually put a hyphen in. So, for example, my prescription coverage has no space in stead of a hyphen. My doctor has a space, because they can’t put a hyphen. Every time I get a prescription written, it gets rejected because they don’t know who I am because of the space difference! People in general don’t understand a hyphenated name. I recently got hired at a new job, and they put the first half (pre hyphen) as my middle name (wtf?) and second half as my last name. The direct deposit got rejected at my bank because of this, and it was a 2-3 week long mess with my paycheck getting it all straightened out.

It’s more drama than it’s worth. Either change completely, or not at all. If I could do it without going to court, i’d just go back to my maiden name.

Post # 20
4581 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I changed. I wasn’t overly attached to my maiden name and both are three syllables so hyphenating would result in too long a name for my liking.

Post # 21
2353 posts
Buzzing bee


I’m happy to answer to his last name socially, but officially and professionally I’m keeping my name. I like it, and I’m used to it, but more than that, for professional reasons, I need for my publications to match up to my name, and if I change my name, it would be really confusing.

Post # 22
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’m going to change my name. I was going to have my maiden name be my middle name but I want to keep my middle name because my Fiance sings me a song that has my first and middle name. Plus, I just want to have the same name as him. 🙂


Post # 23
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’ll be taking his last name. Just not sure of the timing. I’m a teacher starting at a new school, new kids, etc. (kindergarten) I feel awkward calling myself Mrs. T to start but may be difficult to switch from Miss O to Mrs. T six weeks into the school year.

Post # 24
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m adding FI’s last name to mine (no hyphen), so I will be Ms. Smith Jones (not our real names, obviously!).

Post # 25
4411 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

I changed my name. I’ve never felt my last name identified me as much as my first name. 

Post # 26
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have a funny situation on the hyphenating issue.  Our names are silly together (think along the lines of Seymore-Butts… but obviously not that).  So, while hyphenating was an option in general for me, I won’t be hyphenating.  I’m probably going to drop my maiden name and keep my middle.  I don’t like the idea of my last name being my middle name.  My middle name is much prettier.

Post # 27
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Changing my name was non-negotiable for Darling Husband but I really didn’t want to lost my maiden name, so I added my maiden name to my middle name. It goes First Name, Middle Name, Maiden Last Name, New Last Name. It makes both of us happy. Ah, compromise…

Post # 28
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I dropped my middle instead of my last, and made my old last my new middle name. So, MyFirst MyLast HisLast. Personally I go by MyFirst HisLast because it makes things easy. Professionally I go by my full name so people still know who I am.

Post # 29
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

I’ll be keeping my last name.

Post # 30
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@LexiLu:  Just faced this decision having gotten married 2 weeks ago. I was a married name for nearly 29 years; I didn’t change it after the divorce because of my children. I never liked that name and truly missed my cool, meaningful but difficult to prounounce Dutch maiden name.

If I hadn’t gotten engaged I would have changed back to my maiden name last year. I very seriously considered making my maiden name my middle name and taking his name as my last name.


Now that I’m married to this amazing man, I’ve decided to change my name in the traditional way to just taking his last name. I reasoned that I’d given up my beloved maiden name to take my ex’s last name – a man who really didn’t deserve to be honored like that in any way-and so now as I told my new husband, “I’m all in.” I’ve done the SS card and driver’s license so far, and I’m feeling pretty great about it all! 

Post # 31
11482 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I also changed my name to Myfirst Mymaiden Hislast, with my maiden name being my new middle name. 

I originally hoped to be able to keep all four of my names (with my maiden name becoming a second middle name.) However, not only did someone from the motor-vehicle administration in the state in which I was living tell me that I could not do this on my driver’s license, but also I had two friends who did this, and one of them told me almost everyone, from her employer to her doctors’ offices, could never get her last name correct. I didn’t want to risk having that happen to me.

As it turns out, I could not be more happy with my name change. I absolutely love it!! I really like the continuity that this option (which, by the way, is the formal, traditional manner in which women in the US historically have changed their names) affords to a woman, while still allowing her to have the same last name as her Darling Husband (something that was very important to my Darling Husband and me.) Professionally, I always use all three names. Socially, I am becoming known in my new town (where I had to relocate to join Darling Husband and my stepchildren), simply by my first name and new last name.

@mayahpay:  Just a few thoughts regarding your situation. At first, I was apprehensive about losing my former middle initial.  However, I realized that, even though I legally dropped my middle name, and it is no longer a part of my legal signature, it will always still be there on my birth certificate. A friend who is an attorney explained to me that my middle name will “still travel with” me throughout my life. My dad, who has the same middle initial that I did with my given middle name, used to call me by initials, and I sometimes call him by his. We still do this — the same old way — even though I have a new set of initials. Also, my Darling Husband sometimes still calls me by my first name and given middle name just to be cute. So, if you really wanted to take your maiden name as your new middle name, you could still do that, and your Fiance could still sing that song to you. Plus, you wouldn’t have to use your new middle name all of the time, just when you want to do so. 

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