(Closed) Did you know you're NOT supposed to bring gifts to the reception…

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: I totally

    knew that it was an etiquette faux-pas.

    had no idea! Oops!

    I had no idea but would NEVER publicly admit it

    Cookies!

  • Post # 17
    Member
    3578 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I still don’t consider it a faux pas or against etiquette to bring gifts to them reception. Every wedding I’ve been to, people bring gifts to the reception. The only gifts I got shipped directly to me were people that couldn’t come.

    Yes, some brides may prefer to have gifts mailed, but that’s their person preference.

    Post # 18
    Member
    554 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    On TV shows, people still bring gifts to the reception… for example, Jim and Pam! And they’re perfect as everyone knows 😉 so this may only be true for some areas.

     

    Post # 19
    Member
    1946 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @This Time Round:  Why would it be harder for out-of-town people to send a gift ahead of time?  That makes no sense.

    Post # 20
    Member
    1946 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    It’s definitely not correct to bring gifts to the wedding.  You send them to the person’s home.  With the internet, this could not possibly be easier.

    The reason there are gift tables is because many people are ignorant of this rule.

    Post # 21
    Member
    1298 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I think this is a really gray area – I think in some circles it’s considered rude but every wedding I’ve been to, it’s considered the norm and perfectly appropriate.

    I’d never bring a gift if I knew it was a destination wedding for the couple; I’d bring a card with money or send a physical gift home. But otherwise, I wouldn’t think twice.

    Post # 22
    Member
    5229 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    @MissFireFlower:  You wait. Gifts related to the wedding are not used until after the wedding in case, god forbid, the wedding is called off. This could happen because the couple decides to elop or move the date and have a smaller ceremony or because one person passes away or because the couple breaks up. Of course, no couple expects any of these things to happen, but they do, so the etiquette standard is that no one should use the gifts until after the wedding just in case.

    Post # 23
    Member
    8462 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    In this area and the weddings I’ve been to, it’s totally fine and normal to bring gifts to the actual wedding. I think most people do give money, but no one would think twice about a packaged gift.

    Post # 24
    Member
    1953 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    It really depends on the region, but usually the gift table is only there to accommodate the gifts people will inevitablly bring regardless. 

    But yes it is actually against etiquette to bring a physical gift to the wedding, the couple don’t have the ability to keep an eye on them all, nor do they really want to waste lots of time after a long day carting home gifts.

    Post # 25
    Member
    3949 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I’ve been to one wedding, in like 15 or so, that someone brought an actual gift, there’s always a box or something for cards, that always reminds me of the wedding in Goodfellas.. lol   Yeah the wedding I went to that got the gift … MINE and we had no registry.  go figure

    Post # 26
    Member
    204 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @mrsSonthebeach:  I didn’t even know that rule, I def did not follow that one.  It’s okay though, we are married now.  lol

    Post # 27
    Member
    7439 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    TO – MissFireFlower:  Re – SHOWER GIFTS

    The RULE is if it is intended for the Couple… then it shall not be used.

    And again, if the Wedding is Cancelled… must be returned to the Giver.

    There is another “grey” area because… if the Shower Gift is strictly for the Bride… Etiquette Book – Wedding Planning Book – Beauty Items – Spa Certificates etc.  Then it is believed that these are “personal” gifts and therefore are her’s to keep no matter what the outcome of The Nuptials*

    *NOTE – If a Marriage is Cancelled or Immediately Annulled… Unused Wedding & Shower Gifts for the Couple should be returned.  If any items have been “used” they should be offered back to to the Giver as well… although most Givers will understandably say “that’s all right dear… you can keep it”. 

    If the Groom should pass away BEFORE the Wedding Date, any Gifts given to the Couple, can be kept by the Bride if she so wishes… often though, the Bride will choose to return Gifts if she finds it brings her pain to be reminded of happier times when she was anticipating the Marriage.

     

    Post # 28
    Member
    1666 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I voted faux-pas, but more accurately I just think it’s more convenient to the bride and groom to have them sent to the house if you are giving a gift in lieu of a card. For instance, my family was left to deal with any gifts brought to the wedding, as we hopped in the getaway car and went to the hotel. They had to stay after and load up the cars, and bring them to their houses as we were leaving for the honeymoon the last morning. That said, probably 90% of our gifts were cards, so it wasn’t too bad.

    Post # 29
    Member
    204 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I got actually way more gifts than I thought at my wedding, I think I recieved about 7 gifts… it was difficult at the end of the night organizing who is going to take what home, but I appreieate the gifts none the less.

    Post # 30
    Member
    832 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    Hmm, well, at our wedding, we had a few cousins designated to load my mom’s car with the gifts!  It’s completely acceptable in my region.

    Post # 31
    Member
    7439 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    TO oneofthesethings:  you said,

    Why would it be harder for out-of-town people to send a gift ahead of time? That makes no sense.

    Well actually as I said in my Original Post, it is a Regional / Cultural thing… not every where in the world is the USA, or set up like the USA.

    For example…

    Canada is a HUGE country (size of Europe) but we have a SCANT population… just 1/10th of the size of the USA in relation.  Consequently, things here are much more spread out, and not like they are in the USA or Europe (most of our cities being 2 to 8 Hours apart).  So when it comes to making purchases & shipping… for example, we only have 2 Nationwide Department Stores… The Bay and Sears.  And not either of them are found in every community or city area.

    So while the USA has enjoyed the convenience of the fact for eons of Customers Buying at one store, and having Delivery from another (in the Bride’s hometown) this is not something we’ve traditonally had here in Canada… becoming more popular now… but certainly not universal.

    Likewise, our Postal System and Courier Services are MUCH MORE expensive than they are in the USA… again comes down to HUGE Country – SCANT Population

    The Internet has made some of this easier to do in recent years for sure… but it still isn’t always practical in all parts of the country

    (To more understand the Challenges of this… you might want to Check Out Miss Dragon’s postings on the WBee Blog, she being a Bride who lives in Northern Ontario… and hours from anywhere)

    Which means that often a Guest will bring a Gift they brought with them to the Wedding… OR they’ll pick up something in the Bride’s Hometown the Day Before the Wedding.

    Hope this helps,

     

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