(Closed) Did you lose friends by getting engaged/married? (Venting)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I lost my entire side of the family, besides my father. They didn’t agree with my choice.. their loss.

I can really relate to your feelings. Just know that if people aren’t going to be happy for you and/or cause you strife, you are better off letting them be.

Post # 4
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

yep. sadly enough I have lost a couple.  But you have to come to peace.  I’m sorry for what’s going on!!

Post # 5
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

While there is no excuse for you MOH’s comments, it seems like your friends are reacting to what they are presented with. You said that go through a cycle which includes venting to friends and making up with Dan. If that’s the case, do you ever show the good side to your relationship to your friends? Or, do they just get the negative side? I would be afraid for my friend if all I heard was negative and then she dissapeared into her relationship until the next go around. 

I’m sorry your losing friends and hope that you and your Maid/Matron of Honor are able to make amends some day. 

Post # 6
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Also sounds like they couldn’t handle having it be all about someone else for once. Especially after the dress senario. Sounds like jealousy. You can’t do anything about that either. It’s something they need to recognize and deal with on their own.

 

Post # 8
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes, I actually lost a few friends who I used to regularly go out with. This was just when my Fiance and I got serious. They actually told me, “We can’t go out with you when you’re with your boyfriend because it makes us feel bad that we don’t have one.” Then they stopped asking me to go out with them at all.

No big loss for me. I’m glad I found out who my true friends were.

Post # 9
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I have to look at this from a different perspective.  My cousin has been with this one guy, on and off, for five years.  Every few months, my cousin and this guy break up.  As soon as they break up, she goes around complaining to any and everyone who will listen about the horrible things he’s done.  When you go to a person you love and tell them that someone has done bad things to you, the person you love is no longer going to like that someone anymore.  So, when you get over your disagreement with the person and wanna get back together/fix things, your friends/family who you’ve confided in are not going to be able to shake this bad image that you’ve created in their minds.  This keeps happening with my cousin.  When she gets back with her bf, she is all, “Why is no one happy for me?”  Then, someone has to jump in and say, “Because just last month you were telling us that he forces you to exercise because he thinks you’re too fat!”

I know it sounds bad, but the worst thing you can do is confide in your friends/family about bad times in your relationship.  As soon as you do, their perception of your partner is forever altered.  You may have gotten over your issues with your partner and decide to be together forever, but I can guarantee that your friend is always thinking of that time when you were hurt by him.

Post # 10
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Just wanna add, though, that a lot of girls seem to have serious jealousy issues.  They could just be jealous that you’ve got what they want, or they feel like you don’t have as much time for them anymore.  That could also be why they’re resentful of your husband.

Post # 11
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

wow thats sad, sounds like you need new friends….. time to move on!

Post # 12
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I can’t say anything about the engagement/marriage yet, but when I had my daughter I lost two of my closest friends [the ones who threw my baby shower, no less]. People come and go. I moved on and made new friends.

Post # 13
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh yeah I COMPLETELY understand what you are going through.  It is YOUR wedding and you can do WHATEVER you want.  If they don’t like it, tell them to get steppin’.  They are there to help make your day special, not add stress to it.

Post # 14
Member
2542 posts
Sugar bee

I feel that some of the friendships I have have been tested by our wedding planning. Not so much with my female friends, but with my male friends.

I get that they are guys and have different views of thing, but all I’ve heard from two of the groomsen is how much $$ it costs to be in a wedding, how they don’t like this or that, that they’re all planning on getting stinking drunk at the wedding. If you’re not interested in being in a wedding, why agree to it? I don’t get it.

It’s very irritating and I can’t imagine why people who are supposed to be friends can’t see that complaining about these things to me is inappropriate. Ugh.

Post # 15
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

First off – those don’t sound like supportive awesome friends at all. They sound self-absorbed and delusional, honestly. The one thing I’d have not done is vent to them though, that only fueled the fire. But you live and you learn, right? If they are going to be like that there is really no reason to be friends.

Secondly – yes, I have. My ex-MOH/ex-BFF totally failed me and our friendship fell apart a few months into planning. I hate to say it, but I’m kind of glad. Our friendship was falling apart anyway and like people say, weddings are where you REALLY start to see true colors. I saw hers and am glad to not have to deal with that in my life. (Note: I know I was not an innocent party in our friendship failing, but I do stand behind being much better off now.)

The topic ‘Did you lose friends by getting engaged/married? (Venting)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors