(Closed) Did you married bees ever think you were going to get Divorced?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Did you/when did you think you MIGHT get a divorce?

    I have never thought that we were close to getting a divorce

    We were married 1-5 years and we came close, but worked through it

    We were married 1-5 years and we did get divorced

    We were married 5-15 years and we came close, but worked through it

    We were married 5-15 years and we did get divorced

    We were married 15+ years and we came close, but worked through it

    We were married 15+ years and we did get divorced

    We almost got divorced a couple times but it's been worked out every time

    We almost got divorced a couple times and then we eventually did

  • Post # 3
    5949 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Never thought we would get divorced, but got pretty close to becoming a murderer a few time…

    Post # 4
    3622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I don’t expect to get a divorce, but I don’t think most people go into their marriage expecting to divorce, yet half do. I think that acknowledging divorce (ie – not being afraid to use the D-word or speak about it) can make you realize that marriage is something both parties actively need to work at!

    ETA – I know we just got married, but I REALLY don’t see us divorcing any time soon. We want all the same things within the next 10 years or so – a house, kids, the same lifestyle. Unless something extraordinary happens, I see us lasting at least that long (hopefully forever, of course!!!). Is that awkward to say? Probably.

    Post # 5
    9541 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I work with a psychiatrist that says that the most common times for divorces are at two and seven years

    Post # 6
    1397 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    View original reply
    @Nona99:  hahaha… not married yet, but THIS! chris rock says something like “if you’ve never practiced your alibi in front of the mirror, you’ve never been in love…” haha!

    Post # 7
    1397 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    View original reply
    @JenGirl:  interesting. i wonder why that is.

    Post # 8
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t think we have ever been close, but we just celebrated our one year….so that hasn’t given us much time. We have been through some amazingly difficult times already, but I feel like we are just getting stronger each day. 

    Post # 9
    9795 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Well I’m not married yet so I can’t answer.  I’ve seen quite a few friends divorce already (I’m 28).  One of my closest friends almost got divorced 1 year after their wedding date (I mean they were living separately, lawyers, already in the court sytem, she was dating).  They were apart about 5 months (this year), but now they appear to be working it out.  They are living together again, dropped the court stuff etc. 

    so that’s something…I don’t know if it has to do with the first year of marriage?  They lived together for a few years before the wedding so I dont think it was the stress of moving in.  I will say though…leading up to the wedding there were defintely red flags.

    Post # 10
    7308 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    Far from it. But we do have an “in case of emergency plan” of sorts. If we ever get to the point where it seems like we’ve run out of hope for our relationship, we will open up the keepsake box that contains a bottle of wine, the love letters we wrote to one another on our wedding day, the love letters that we have and will write to one another on each anniversary, and our handfasting cords from our wedding ceremony. We’ll drink the wine together, re-read those love letters, and hold our handfasting cords to remind ourselves of the good times and why we committed to being together in the first place. Hopefully that will be a big enough kick in the pants to recommit ourselves to making it work, for better or for worse.

    Post # 12
    2903 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2011 - Midland, TX

    Caught my ex husband cheating after 18months…so yeah that ended in divorce. But I am remarried to a really great guy now and we are about to hit the 2yr mark and we are going alot stronger than the 1st year!

    Post # 14
    2944 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    My parents are still married (am 32). Almost all of my friends’ parents are still married. Most of my extended family and my friends’ extended families are still married. For me, divorce was just something that happened to “other” people “somewhere.” Not that I thought anything badly of most people who divorced; it was just not something that entered my world. 

    I took (and continue to take) marriage seriously. I was thoughtful about my previous relationship, and we had all of the right talks to ensure we were on the same pages on major issues. We lived apart and together and apart pre-wedding and thought we had tested ourselves enough, whatever that may mean. We thought we had great communication skills. I was 100% confident divorce would never ever be a valid option.

    Then we got married. Then problems that had never come up before were front and center. We stopped sleeping together figuratively and literally. There was begging, crying, fighting, promise making. It just kept getting worse. Then we found ourselves in the double whammy of me giving up my job and moving in with his parents (international move). 

    There were talks, late night crying, re-affirmations, fights, non-fights. I had already realized that he didn’t know how be a true partner, and it was made crystal clear when he fell so easily back into being their son rather than my husband. That was the last straw for me. I did not want to be a secondary concern for the rest of my life. I didn’t want to be alone in my marriage for the rest of my life. He finally realized I was right and that we needed counseling, but at that point it was years too late. 

    Sorry that was so long, but I wanted to give a clear idea of what went into the decision. I think the 2-7year period makes sense because that’s when a lot of big adjustments and realizations happen. Big moves, big job decisions, brand new stresses, blending families, etc. Just my 2cents.

    Post # 15
    436 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    View original reply
    @Nona99:  Haha! I know what you mean. Men and women are just different animals.

    My husband and I are very different–I’m a creative, free-spirited home-body while he is a numbers-loving, concrete-thinking social butterfly. While our differences usually are the cause of our marital disputes, they are also what make me love him so incredbily much. We balance each other out.

    When I see people getting divorced, I notice a pattern: they think the grass is greener on the other side. Most often they are wrong and are far less happy divorced than they were married. Be happy for what you have, and I think that it would be a GREAT idea to write down all the things that make you love your Fiance, and what makes him special–and put those in a box. Whenever you get mad, pull it out and read them.

    Post # 16
    4322 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    I’ve been married a year and some months myself, and I can’t imagine ditching my DH this soon! Love that goofball.

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