Did you or your SO pursue someone who was in a relationship?

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
  • poll: Choose all that apply: What do you think about when someone in a relationship being pursued?
    No decent person does that. : (58 votes)
    26 %
    Sometimes the person who is right for you is already taken. : (18 votes)
    8 %
    A happy person wouldn't leave their SO. It's not like you forced them. : (25 votes)
    11 %
    Involved women who get involved in an affair are mostly being used for sex : (8 votes)
    4 %
    If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you. : (45 votes)
    20 %
    They must just want to see if they can, like a conquest. : (6 votes)
    3 %
    Once the excitement wears off, there's a trail of devastation left behind. : (17 votes)
    8 %
    Pursuing someone who is in a relationship is wrong. Period. : (45 votes)
    20 %
    Other- explain below : (2 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    6682 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    DH dated a girl with a long distance boyfriend when he was in college.

    my brother has dated a few girls with boyfriends.

    both really truly thought she had every intention of leaving the boyfriend, that she just needed the “right time” to break up, etc… both eventually realized she was stringing him along.

    both they and the girls they dated are guilty of doing something that could/would hurt someone else, all for their own selfish reasons. you could easily argue the girls were worse, as their actions hurt not one but two people and included outright lying.. but honestly, I don’t know these girls or why they did what they did so I chalk it all up to.. humans are flawed.

    I made mistakes in college, I’m not shocked other people did too.

    Post # 17
    Member
    170 posts
    Blushing bee

    Ugh, as someone with a strong loyalty trait, the thought of this is just unfathomable. During a summer job in undergrad a guy I worked with was seriously hitting on me. Being single at the time, I played along, until I found out he already had a girlfriend. I was horrified and shut it down pretty quickly. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    268 posts
    Helper bee

    countingstars :  No cheating involved, buy my DH pursued me while I was engaged to someone else. I was miserable in another relationship and felt trapped. DH was doing nothing but being friendly (we worked together) but my ex got annoyed that he would text/facebook message me even though there was nothing sexual or romantic about what we would talk about. In the end, he was probably right. When I could feel myself having feelings for my now husband, it gave me the strength and courage to end a bad relationship and put myself in a better position.

     

    Just a side note- before my husband did this with my ex fiance, my ex fiance pursued me even though I was with an ex boyfriend in the same kind of way- texting, messaging, never romatic things.

    Post # 19
    Member
    2795 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Human beings and relationships are complicated. So, generally speaking, I don’t think there’s an easy answer to your question.

    Regarding your specific situation- if you love your fiancé and intend to continue your relationship with him, you need to make it clear to the other guy, in no uncertain terms, that his attention is unwanted and he needs to back off. Speaking from personal experience and past mistakes- there isn’t always a clear defined intent behind cheating. Sometimes it begins with poor boundaries, enjoying/being flattered by attention, etc. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    1482 posts
    Bumble bee

    countingstars :  

    My DH’s ex girlfriend of 1 year still tries to get his attention 9 years later. In the beginning it was cute, and a little flattering that she saw something in him that kept her intrigued. Then it turn psychotic.

    I think the answer will be different for everybody. I never pursued someone in a relationship due to the fact I had been cheated on before and I never wanted anyone to feel that way because of my selfish actions. IMO I feel in that moment the person is only thinking about themselves and what they want, they don’t care about the repercusions of going after a married/engaged/taken person, because if they get what they want that is all that matters.

    Post # 21
    Member
    733 posts
    Busy bee

    My husband was engaged to someone else when we met. Not the most romantic story, but it’s the truth. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    569 posts
    Busy bee

    No excuse for such actions. It’s always wrong and selfish. I don’t allow people who do such things into my life, period. Even friends.

    Post # 23
    Member
    212 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    While it doesn’t entirely count, I met my SO while he was still legally married to his ex. They had filed for divorce at that point, which normally isn’t cheating or anything. However, he’s in the military and being separated isn’t recognized by the military so what he was doing was considered infidelity and could have gotten him in a lot of trouble. It was tough keeping our relationship on the DL. But the day he got divorced was a really special day for us because we could publically announce our relationship. Flash forward, we’re now married and I couldn’t imagine anyone else by my side!

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