Post # 1
My parents seem to have very unrealistic ideas about what a wedding costs. When I first got engaged they said “great we will give you “x” amount.” Of course, “x” amount is about a 1/3rd of what weddings in my area cost. I thanked them, I was genuinely grateful and I assumed I would just cover the remainder. Now what they are giving has increased and I wonder if it will increase even more when they realize how much weddings actually cost. Anyone else deal with this?
Please- I am NOT saying that my parents should give more nor am I ungrateful for what they have given. My parents have been VERY generous with me to give anything and I am blessed. I am just wondering if anyone else had parents who gave a very low estimate of what a wedding would initially cost
Post # 3
I’m on the flip side of this, my parents originally stated an amount they would be comfortable contributing, as did my Fiance, and I worked out the budget around that, actually coming in lower. They’ve been fussing at me to about what else they can help with! Hilarious. (To be fair, my mom and stepdad had had their wedding recently, so they had a pretty clear idea of what a wedding costs in our area… but apparently underestimated my thriftiness.)
Post # 4
My parents told me I’m getting x amount and anything else would have to come from somewhere else. The amount was the same that they spent on my sister’s wedding. They had a good idea what weddings cost since my sister got married recently, too.
Post # 5
Yeah. To be fair, I’m an only child and my parents are older and not big entertainers (they don’t throw fancy parties, etc.). So I think they just didn’t have a clue. They have already increased the amount they are giving by around 50%. It’s just that they said they would cover the catering bill and I DON”t think that it will be even close to the minimum price they think it will be. perhaps I should talk with them
Post # 6
FI’s parents originally offered to contribute towards a specific vendor (e.g. the florist or a videographer) but they definitely would have a heart attack if they saw what the real costs were for these things. For example, I think they probably think flowers would be like $300 whereas the actual cost is closer to $3000. They’re on fixed income with very little extra at the end of the month after food/utilities, so we’ve never asked them to fulfill their end of the bargain.
Based on what I’ve heard from other people, the parents usually increased it as they learned the real cost of everything but it was within reason, like there’s no way it could ever be as cheap as what the parents budgeted for unless they completely changed their vision. For example, someone we know originally had a $300 dress but then fell in love with a $900 dress and her parents willingly sprung for the pricier one.
I would consider showing them several quotes/proposals for the same level of service from different vendors so they know that their initial offer is too low for that level of service.
Post # 7
@lilbluebird: Yeah. That’s sort of what it happening with us. I think they began to realize that the amount they stated would NOT result in a wedding like the one they envisioned in the area in which we live
Post # 8
@damaskprint: I don’t blame them either for lowballing everything! Before we started planning, Fiance and I didn’t expect to spend as much as we are. FI’s initial budget would only cover the cost of the rentals and catering at this point. That’s partially why we never had a hard and fast budget. We simply didn’t know how much everything cost. Now later in the game, we are much better at guesstimating.
Post # 9
After a lot of back and forth, my parents agreed to cover the cost of their guests on a pro-rata basis. We paid for everything up front and expected to be reimbursed later.
At our wedding, they gave us a gift of X which was meant to be separate from their contribution to the wedding. After the wedding I sent them a tally of the expenses, removed things I didn’t think they should have to cover (e.g., my dress, our rings, etc.), and multiplied it by their percentage of the guests. That number worked out to be about 2X.
I guess they expected the bill to be higher, because when they gave us a check to cover their portion of the bill, they wrote it out for 3X. So, they effectively paid for their portion of the wedding and then also doubled their initial gift.
Post # 10
My father had passed away before my wedding and my mother offered to help. While I completely appreciated her help and the energy she put into planning with me, she kept upping the amount she’d contribute on a whim. It made for scattered planning, as I didn’t have a clear budget to work with and I wish she had just said “Here’s X amount, this is the most I can offer. Make it work.”
Post # 11
HECK YEAH. Biggest cause of stress. My Fiance & I are just out of school without “real” jobs and 0 savings. My parents seem to think they should have to pay $10/person “because that’s how much a restaurant would charge”. Come to find out the norm was $50/p and up. They ended up paying for the caterer, venue fee, & ceremony fees, which helped out a lot.
Post # 12
Yes, but only because THEY wanted to upgrade everything like the food, band, etc.
If we were just given a preset $ amount from them to use towards the wedding you better believe it would have been much more of a budget event!
Post # 13
Like several of the PPs, our parents’ contributions have increased since we started getting bids and fully realized what it would cost. My parents are covering the caterer, venue, invitations, and rentals; his parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner and the entertainment, leaving us with our wedding clothes, the photographer, florist and miscellaneous expenses like favors and hair stylists/make-up artist. It has divided out pretty fairly. Both sets of parents offered more money when we started booking things and we also increased how much we would contibute in order to get the vendors we wanted without overburdening our parents. We are so grateful that they are willing and able to contribute as much as they have!