(Closed) did you parents end up contributing more they originally stated

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m on the flip side of this, my parents originally stated an amount they would be comfortable contributing, as did my Fiance, and I worked out the budget around that, actually coming in lower. They’ve been fussing at me to about what else they can help with! Hilarious. (To be fair, my mom and stepdad had had their wedding recently, so they had a pretty clear idea of what a wedding costs in our area… but apparently underestimated my thriftiness.)

Post # 4
Member
13296 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My parents told me I’m getting x amount and anything else would have to come from somewhere else.  The amount was the same that they spent on my sister’s wedding.  They had a good idea what weddings cost since my sister got married recently, too.

Post # 6
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

FI’s parents originally offered to contribute towards a specific vendor (e.g. the florist or a videographer) but they definitely would have a heart attack if they saw what the real costs were for these things. For example, I think they probably think flowers would be like $300 whereas the actual cost is closer to $3000. They’re on fixed income with very little extra at the end of the month after food/utilities, so we’ve never asked them to fulfill their end of the bargain.

Based on what I’ve heard from other people, the parents usually increased it as they learned the real cost of everything but it was within reason, like there’s no way it could ever be as cheap as what the parents budgeted for unless they completely changed their vision. For example, someone we know originally had a $300 dress but then fell in love with a $900 dress and her parents willingly sprung for the pricier one.

I would consider showing them several quotes/proposals for the same level of service from different vendors so they know that their initial offer is too low for that level of service.

Post # 8
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@damaskprint:  I don’t blame them either for lowballing everything! Before we started planning, Fiance and I didn’t expect to spend as much as we are. FI’s initial budget would only cover the cost of the rentals and catering at this point. That’s partially why we never had a hard and fast budget. We simply didn’t know how much everything cost. Now later in the game, we are much better at guesstimating.

Post # 9
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

After a lot of back and forth, my parents agreed to cover the cost of their guests on a pro-rata basis.  We paid for everything up front and expected to be reimbursed later.

At our wedding, they gave us a gift of X which was meant to be separate from their contribution to the wedding.  After the wedding I sent them a tally of the expenses, removed things I didn’t think they should have to cover (e.g., my dress, our rings, etc.), and multiplied it by their percentage of the guests.  That number worked out to be about 2X.

I guess they expected the bill to be higher, because when they gave us a check to cover their portion of the bill, they wrote it out for 3X.  So, they effectively paid for their portion of the wedding and then also doubled their initial gift.

Post # 10
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My father had passed away before my wedding and my mother offered to help.  While I completely appreciated her help and the energy she put into planning with me, she kept upping the amount she’d contribute on a whim.  It made for scattered planning, as I didn’t have a clear budget to work with and I wish she had just said “Here’s X amount, this is the most I can offer.  Make it work.” 

Post # 11
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

HECK YEAH. Biggest cause of stress. My Fiance & I are just out of school without “real” jobs and 0 savings. My parents seem to think they should have to pay $10/person “because that’s how much a restaurant would charge”. Come to find out the norm was $50/p and up. They ended up paying for the caterer, venue fee, & ceremony fees, which helped out a lot.

Post # 12
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yes, but only because THEY wanted to upgrade everything like the food, band, etc.

If we were just given a preset $ amount from them to use towards the wedding you better believe it would have been much more of a budget event!

Post # 13
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Like several of the PPs, our parents’ contributions have increased since we started getting bids and fully realized what it would cost. My parents are covering the caterer, venue, invitations, and rentals; his parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner and the entertainment, leaving us with our wedding clothes, the photographer, florist and miscellaneous expenses like favors and hair stylists/make-up artist. It has divided out pretty fairly. Both sets of parents offered more money when we started booking things and we also increased how much we would contibute in order to get the vendors we wanted without overburdening our parents. We are so grateful that they are willing and able to contribute as much as they have!

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