Post # 1
Been a blog stalker for awhile– finally ready to post because I need some help with answers!
Background: So we’ve talked about getting married next year (I fell in love with the date 9/10/11 when he brought up getting married next year) but he’s kinda shying away from details because he just wants everything to “happen as it happens”…basically, he’s being a guy =) I don’t mind not talking about specifics when it comes to the engagement/proposal because he wants to be all about that and keep it a surprise. But he wants to wait for the engagement to officially happen before we talk and nail down wedding details…The thing is he doesn’t realize how far in advance things tend to book up like venues/photogs/dates especially in NY …and while I’m okay with NOT getting married next year, he was the one that brought it up first etc.
So my question– did you talk over and confirm these kinda details before becoming official or did you wait for the proposal before you basically made important contract decisions.
I’m not so much talking about decor ideas/favors/dresses etc. I’m talking major decisions like the options listed.
Thanks so much!
Post # 3
Not sure if I posted on the right board? sorry :/
Post # 4
we picked a venue before getting engaged, because we had discussed that particular venue and knew it was where we wanted to get married. but we didn’t discuss dates other than a general time of year. I didn’t want him to feel pressured to propose by a certain date just to meet some arbitrary wedding date, but, like your situation, HE was the one who insisted upon getting married next year. And i think that did drive the timing of his proposal once he realized how early things book up.
I would try not to pressure him about timing, but if wedding stuff comes up naturally, you may want to casually mention that places may be booked up for next year already and you’ll need to get the ball rolling if you want to do it in 2011.
Post # 5
I wish I could have picked any of these things ahead of time, but now-husband didn’t let me! We just discussed things like summer vs. fall.
Post # 6
We did because the venue we wanted was already booked through may of 2012!
If you have decided to marry and picked a date, then you are engaged. The ring is extra.
Post # 7
My SO and I both have a venue in mind. It’s a place we both really love so it seems like a no brainer haha. As for date, I want to get married in the winter… I’m thinking February. We’ve discussed this and he is aware that I want to have a winter wedding, but we haven’t chosen an exact date or anything.
Post # 8
We discussed dates and a venue and I was stalking dresses online :). Our engagement really wasn’t a surprise, we were very open about talking about the wedding and marriage before he officially asked, kind of like you two sound. As long as you both know it’s coming (and soon!), I would say go for it!
Post # 9
I didn’t pick out anything before we were engaged, and we never really talked about “when” before we got engaged either. Actually the day after we got engaged I brought up “when” for the first time and he was super surprised because he thought that you just “hang out engaged” for a while before you start to plan. lol silly guy.
Honestly I think doing a bit of venue research asap is a great idea bc that was the WORST for me. I wish I’d done more earlier so I didn’t spend the first four months that I was engaged frustrated.
Post # 10
@Miss Tattoo: agreed.
we picked a venue and booked it three weeks before we were “engaged”. it normally booked up about 12-18 months in advance, so we didn’t want to lose the date. we had been talking about it, we decided that we were going to get married, and he had ordered the ring. we liked to tell people that ‘we were getting married in feb 2011, but weren’t engaged yet’. it was pretty funny.
i’ve posted this here before though: there is NOTHING wrong with planning the wedding before you have a ring on your finger, but it’s very very important that you are both on the same page with everything, and i would discuss it with your parents too.
Post # 11
We have a venue in mind but it is because I have a momzilla. As soon as I told her that SO and I were seriously discussing getting engaged she went into hypermode and showed me a few venues, only online.
Post # 12
We’re definitely on board with getting married and he’s the one that made it clear that he would prefer to get married next year, but he doesn’t feel we should talk details until engaged–he’s very traditional. I’m okay with that but I’ve tried explaining that things book up very fast and I don’t think he really understands that!! I just don’t know how to convey that without seeming pushy/antsy which I’m not. I’m surprised I actually look forward to getting married– never thought I would and it’s an awesome feeling =)
Basically the only two decent venues left in this area will be booked up by the end of the year but I’m trying not to sweat it. We almost got into an argument about needing to plan these things in advance but I think it’s our personalities too (ex: I buy my plane tickets months in advance to save $$$, he’ll get a week before even though it’s hundreds more).
I told him he can propose whenever/however he wants but that some things can be decided ahead of time like venues etc. He just couldn’t grasp that so I’m gonna just lay low for the next couple months (and by that, I mean still checking out vendors and bridal shows ) because I have a feeling the engagement is going to happen around the holidays anyways…
I look forward to many many more posts with all the lovely ladies on here!
Post # 13
depends on what you consider officially engaged. Fiance proposed to me and before we told anyone we picked the date and booked the venue. A week later we told our families, and a month or so later, we got a ring. My advice, do what is best for you!
Post # 14
I think it’s totally ok to stalk wedding stuff before marriage…then when it happens, you have an idea of what you like or want. Like one of the other bees said, my Fiance thought there was some relax time once you get engaged, then you start talking about venues, dresses, dates. He had no idea that venues and vendors book so far in advance…he thought I was totally making it up or something!! When we were looking some of the venues did not have our date open. (imagine that) I felt the venues that were booked on that date, were not meant to be!
Post # 15
I have been searching for stuff on my own, even though my guy is still in “I’m pretty sure but not positive and I’m just not ready and I don’t know when” stage. But so far, all I’ve really done is drooled over dresses and scanned through pictures on The Knot for ideas of decor. I know I want my wedding to be centered around blue hydrangeas (which is fine with my SO), so it all kinda goes from there.
B/c I have no idea when he’ll decide I’m the one much less when the heck he’ll get around to proposing, I have not thought about dates.
However, I have thought about potential venues, with one as the front runner (b/c it is a semi-destination wedding which my dad is in favor of b/c it’s cheaper). But the particular venue might be a little expensive, so I’ve thought about other local venues too and done a minor amount of research on prices.
This is all in the context that my brother is currently engaged, so some of the venue research was for them too.
My SO knows about the few things that I’ve considered (blue hydrangeas, potential venues), but I certainly don’t want to make any major decisions without him.
Post # 16
Well we talked about getting married for two years before being engaged. We have been engaged for two years in Feb. & have been together 5 in march. But normally after the ring is ont he finger the talking and planning start. Let him know things book up and next year will not be the year to have the wedding of both your dreams if you do not start putting down payments on to thing asap. Good luck.