(Closed) Did you pick BMs just to fill space?

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I don’t think its right just to pick BMs to "fill space", a friend of mine did this 5 or 6 months before her wedding (changing BMs, adding new ones, etc.).  I thought it was rude and some of the girls barely even knew the bride and groom.  My Fiance and I are having an uneven bridal party b/c I don’t want to have an extra Groomsman just to have an even party… the important thing is to have the people you want to stand up for you and your wedding.  If you are stuck on having an even bridal party when the time comes, maybe you will have another friend to add.  Do you or your Boyfriend or Best Friend have any sisters or cousins that you are close with, maybe you could ask them?

Post # 4
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

No but my FH has considered asking my brother in law to stand with him to "fill space"

Post # 5
248 posts
Helper bee

Just have who you really want – absolutely no need to fill space or make sides “even”. You could easily have your borther on your side if you are close to him – sides don’t need to be same gender. But if you want only your bf and your fiance wants 3 or 4 guys – that’s fine! I think you will be sorry in the long run if you pick people just to fill in – they might not be as excited and deicated to the wedding process as you and they would probably prefer to come as a guest. It could potentially add more stress to you in the planning process and on your wedding day if you have not chosen attendants for the right reason.

Post # 6
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

No, there was no way I could have decided between the four that I picked, and I actually feel bad that I couldn’t have 6 or 7 bm’s (our location was small and it would have been very cramped, also my husband couldn’t have found that many groomsmen).  However, I did not pick my moh based on being the closest to me.  The bm that was closest to me asked not to be my moh because she is broke, so instead she did a reading and a toast.  My moh was a bm that I work with and see everyday, we are great friends and love eachother, but she didn’t have the history me and my other bm’s have.  I picked her because she really wanted to do it, had the time, and had the money.  My other two bm’s lived far away and it would have been difficult for them to take on that level of responsibility.

Post # 7
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m having three: my sister (MOH) and two girls that I have been friends forever.  I didn’t want to try to find more people just to fill space.  My fiance actually had more trouble finding groomsmen; he really wanted close friends, not just someone who was available, and realized he has a lot of friends, but far fewer close friends.  If we end up with uneven sides, I think we’ll both be fine b/c we don’t want to look back and think "why did we have them standing with us?"  (We don’t want them asking themselves the same thing either!)  If you’re concerned about uneven numbers though, you could always consider making it closer by adding your brother (as Surgie mentioned) or having your fiance have the same number as you and have the other guys he wants to participate do something else (readings, ushers, etc.). 

Post # 8
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

No, only those closest to me.  I will have the same people at my side as an encore bride in fact!  My sister, (Matron of Honor), lifelong bff, and other bff (maid of honor) and one of my other best friends.

Post # 9
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Could your Fiance have just the best mand.  Then the others can be ushers, rather than GMs.  Maybe then it wouldn’t seem so lopsided during the ceremony.  If you really don’t feel cose to enough girls to ask them to be BMs, don’t do it.

Post # 10
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

No, I am having 5 bridesmaids, whom I am all really close to, except my brotehrs girlfriend, who I met last year. I love her and think this is a great opportuniy to get to know her better. We are pretty close, but I think this will make us closer. 🙂

Post # 11
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Mine are all people that I really wanted (well, I’m not that close to the FH’s sister, but they’re twins, and I want to get to know her better, it’s just that she’s a (stereotypical) cheerleader-type and I’m an astrophysics nerd, so we don’t have many common interests), I even had to work really hard to get my FH to agree to make it 4 instead of 2 like we originally planned, because I REALLY wanted my cousins to be a part of it. Does your FH have any females he would want to be a part of it? Like I have his sister, and he has some other close childhood friends that are helping in other ways that I know would have been happy to be a part if we’d asked. And like everyone said, it doesn’t have to be even, or all same gender on each side!

Post # 12
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I did exactly the opposite.  I kept mine to one Maid/Matron of Honor and 2 BMs and I’m very happy with this decision. In our circle of friends in our church it is very common for people to have large bridal parties because they don’t know how to pick and choose.  Keep it close!  If you’re worried about it being even, could he honor his other friends besides his best man by having them have another job? Like be the ushers or something?  There are other ways to honor friends besides that!

Post # 13
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have to admit, I picked some people to fill space because I knew guys I for sure wanted, but then we were short on girls and my Mr. was adament about the sides being even.  Really if things were my ideal way, we would have had an all male bridal party.

Post # 14
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I am having 6 Bridesmaid or Best Man due to the fact that my FH wanted 6 groomsmen. If it would have been up to me I would have only had 2 Bridesmaid or Best Man but I thought that may look a little off. I am happy with who I asked ( my 2 roommates and my younger cousin)

But A idea that I thought of was to have the groosmen stand up by the groom and the Bridesmaid or Best Man to walk alone. I think that not only would it be different but you wouldn’t have to ask people that you may not want in your wedding party.

Post # 15
65 posts
Worker bee

We are having an uneven bridal party.  I have 4 Bridesmaid or Best Man and he has 6 Groomsmen.  I felt it was important for him to have everyone he wanted by his side as his Groomsmen, and I didn’t want to ask anyone to be the "filler." 

Post # 16
164 posts
Blushing bee

I am doing this. I had 3 that I absolutely had to have (my two sisters and my best friend) and my Fiance had 4.

I know it is totally acceptable and even commonplace, but I just could not stand it being uneven! So he added my brother and I added his two sisters so we could make it an even 5 on each side.

It is definitely larger than I wanted, but at least they are his sisters – who I want to get to know better anyway! We are also having a wedding of 200 so it certainly will not look too big.  

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