(Closed) did you pressure your SO to propose

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
Post # 17
Member
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Nope. We never discussed marriage. He just decided he wanted to marry me one day and proposed.

Post # 18
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I hate that I did a little bit. However, I was quitting my job and moving hours away for him (best decision we ever made) and I wasn’t comfortable to do so for a person who wasn’t 100% committed to us. We had been dating for six years at that point and we both knew we would be together forever, but he really did need a kick in the pants to get ‘er done. In the end it wasn’t a big deal and it’s not like he has hard feelings over it or anything, which is the most important part. Now we’ve been married since July and more in love than ever before <3

Post # 19
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee

@otto2008:  SO and I are in the same boat as you–He’s trying to finish his graduate degree, I just finished my degree this past summer and yeah, I’m ready to get engaged.

Much like you, he does not want to have any sort of wedding until he has a job to help pay for a nice wedding (I’m already saving up for it, he saving for a ring).  We are not engaged/have not became engaged either because he doesn’t want a 2-3 year engagement.

To answer your question–Sure, about 1 year ago I was hinting like crazy and wanted to be engaged.  Then we had a talk about it, and I realized that I wanted support him and have him do it on his terms.  We talk about getting married, are planning it but the official engagement won’t be until April when he gradutes.  It is what it is, and if you talk to your Girlfriend about this, she should be able to support you and cut out the pressure, because the hinting and constant chatter about proposing IS too much pressure wise.

Good Luck!

Post # 20
Member
8601 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@otto2008:  You need to tell her how you feel! She might be fine with a long engagement, so youll have to see what you two decide.

Honestly… you probably shouldnt have gone ring shopping with her sister if you werent planning on buying for YEARS! That would have me antsy and itching too. 

Post # 22
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@otto2008:  

Does she know that you want to wait 2-3 years before getting married? 

Post # 24
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I was clear on what I wanted as a basis for discussion.

Post # 25
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Definitely not. We’ve always been on the same page about our relationship and our future.

I’ve never once doubted his committment to me and our life together and didn’t need marriage to feel loved and secure. We didn’t get married because we had other priorities up until this year, largely we wanted to own 2 homes before spending money on an engagement ring/ wedding.

Post # 26
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If she’s hinting she’s ready to be engaged, she’s probably been ready for a while, and it’s stressing her out that you guys are on different timelines.

 

I think deep down some women have the fear that if someone they’ve been with for years says they want to get married, but doesn’t appear to be making it happen, it might be all talk.  Not saying this is what’s going through her head, but it’s a possibility.

 

All you can do is sit her down and reassure her that yes, you’re planning on marrying her, and it is not far in the future.  Let her know you have a plan.  You’re not stringing her along, and it may be a few months, but it’ll happen soon enough, you want her to relax.  It may make her antsier knowing it’ll happen, but I think it’ll also reassure her and help your relationship.

 

To answer your question, I did pressure my SO – to the point of having a “shit or get off the pot” type moment.  I wouldn’t have done it if he’d known whether or not he wanted to marry me.  His uncertainty got to me and I couldn’t take it anymore – I’d already waited a long time for him to make up his mind.  It would have been very different if we’d been in your situation and he’d known for certain he wanted to marry me.  I would have been much more patient.

Post # 27
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@otto2008:  I think it often just “hits” you one day that you are ready to be engaged. Then it can be really hard to wait. However, I would tell her what you just told us here! Be honest. If she is thinking it is right around the corner, then she’ll probably keep hinting. 

Explain your thoughts and your timeline and see how she feels about it. You’ve been together for 4 years and my guess is you discuss most important life decisions together – this is no different, just sit down and talk about what you both want and envision. 🙂

Post # 28
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@otto2008:  I didn’t pressure my Fiance, but I had mentioned that I was feeling ready. We are going to be engaged for almost 2 years by the time we get married, which seems like a long time but it’s not really and a lot of people do it. I understand your situation about wanting to have money and such for a wedding, but if others are willing to contribute (not sure what your situation is) then it may be possible. Maybe explain your feelings to her if you haven’t already.

Post # 29
Member
8601 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@otto2008:  oh gotcha. I was thinking that would be odd! haha. Well 2/14 is soon! 

Sit her down and tell her your concerns about the wedding. She’ll say a long engagement is fine, or my grandpappy will pay! or lets do it small and cheap… see what she says! 

THEN confirm that yes, its coming, but being badgered and pressured takes some of the joy out of it. Reassure her that its what you want too- and ask her to be patient so when the day comes it can be a surprise and she can know that its straight from your heart and NOT the result of pressure!

 

 

Post # 30
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@otto2008:  Oh I pressured the shit out of him once we had already agreed to get married, he had already purchased the ring, and I knew that he was going to propose.  It was playful, and he totally enjoyed the attention.

Post # 31
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

I think he naturally felt pressure once we decided we were ready to be engaged. He feels pressure to save up and be able to get the right ring. I do not push him though. 

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