Post # 62
Communication is key. Whatever you said here makes sense to me as a woman. I can’t imagine another woman not being able to understand your point of view.
It’s not a ring that she needs so much as the reassurance that you guys WILL be married sooner rather than later. And by ‘sooner’ I don’t mean in the next 1-2 years. But within the next 5 yrs. Something concrete. Not even ‘someday soon’. But numbers, years, etc. It’s understandable that life can and may ‘get in the way’ but that’s when you recalibrate your goals and decisions appropriately.
Us women hear all kinds of garbage on the media and everywhere else that makes us look like ‘cows giving out milk for free’. Or like the Beyonce song, ‘if you like it, put a ring on it’. As if not putting a ‘ring on it’ automatically means you don’t like your gf. You know that’s not true. But this is the nonsense we continue to get conditioned with against our wills. As much as we like to avoid it, we can’t. There’s only so much and so long we can fight it until it starts to break us down slowly but surely, sometimes unbeknownest to us. And as embarassing as it is to admit that, it is often the case that leads to coercing for an engagement. To be able to SEE the commitment in physical form (ring). It’s reassurance, is all it is.
Post # 63
to give an update:
We had a long talk about this and we decided that we would get engaged by March 31st. But recently, I told her that I think we should postpone more due to lack of funds to buy the ring which is believable since we’re both students and I really want to buy the ring myself. Little does she know that the ring is being ordered later this month for her surprise proposal in february 🙂
Post # 64
@otto2008: I kid with my SO all of the time about it, but we’ve also had serious discussions where we talk about our plans together. We’ve been together for 3 years, and we both know we are in it for the long haul. I don’t care so much about a big surprise proposal because we are a team, and I think it’s a decision we should make together. I still want a ring and proposal, but I’ve even considered offering to help pick it out and pay for it. We are a team after all, and someday I’m going to be a stay at home mom (something we’ve talked about together) so I wouldn’t mind chipping in now. I think each couple is different.
THAT BEING SAID, if you know she cares a lot about the proposal and the ring, AND you know she is the one you want to be with, why not just propose? Make her happy! Even if you aren’t getting married anytime soon. A lot of us women dream our whole lives about it, and honestly it gets even more hard to wait when you know you are actually close. It’s like you’re about to get everything you want, but you have NO control over it. It’s maddening! lol
Post # 65
Just read the update!! SOOOO cute! She is going to be SOOOO surprised!
Post # 66
Once I decided I was ready to get married, I decided to forgoe the traditional route of feeling insecure and unwanted while passive-aggressively hunting my SO down. I just proposed myself, he said yes, happily ever after.
Post # 67
I think my Fiance was in the same situation as you a bit… Meaning that he is in grad school and I just graduated college and not going to grad school. So for me, everything was “done” and we were together for 7.5 yrs… He didn’t see it the same way though, cause he thought that when you get engaged, you must marry within the following yr.
But, he did leave back in sept to study abroad and living 6 months apart kinda made him change his mind I guess cause he asked me a month ago! Also, I am a very picky/undecided person, so organizing a wedding will take longer than a yr for sure in my case… We are aiming for a 2-3 yrs engagement, which is not that long compared to more than 7 yrs together! Actually it’d be awesome if we did marry on our 10th yr anniversary but that’s kinda dreaming for perfect timing xD