Post # 1
Ive been talking with my partner about our upcoming wedding and I always had in my mind that it would be quite exclusive and small with just the closest family/friends/people I see. I wasn’t too bothered about ‘hurting other people’s feelings’ in regards to extended family members that I don’t really see.
But my partner has said he wants ALL his family/ extended there, family he hasn’t seen in years, has never met me, their partners I’ve never met.
So now I’m thinking I’m going to have a bunch of ‘strangers’ essentially…at my wedding that I won’t ever see again afterwards which I’m not too happy about really. Am I being petty or is that normal to have people you don’t know invited?
Post # 2
All the weddings i’ve been to have included extended family. I personally would include them because I don’t get to see them often and I think it’s a great occasion to get everyone together. My FI hasn’t met a lot of my extended family because we don’t get together often.
Ultimately the decision is up to you and your FI…keep his feelings in mind as well.
Post # 3
We invited extended family and I don’t regret it. Even though I don’t see them often it was nice to see them again on such a happy occasion!
I think it’s petty to not want to invite his family just because you don’t know them. I hadn’t met any of my husband’s extended family before the wedding but it didn’t feel like having strangers at our wedding because they aren’t strangers, they are his family and even though they don’t see him often they were happy and excited for us.
Post # 4
I regret it already and my wedding hasn’t even happened. My dad is one of 7 and all 7 have 3 adult children each.
I find myself being super picky with everything because I’m so self conscious about being in front of people I don’t know.
Plus it is insanely expensive. I kept telling my FI that nobody would come (they have to fly in from everywhere). My mom assured me they wouldn’t all come.
Guess which family is making my wedding an unofficial reunion! When I told my mom we have only 2 declines for our RSVPs so far she said “well duh every time there’s alcohol all the [megrayslastname]s show up”. Thanks for the heads up mom!
ETA: take my opinion with a small grain of salt as I don’t have especially fond memories of my dad’s family and I do get anxiety very easily
Post # 5
I’ve hardly met any of my FI’s family but we are inviting all extended family.. some I haven’t seen on my side of the family for a while either.. we do have large families and have a small budget so we made a ‘cut off’ point at first cousins only..
Keep in mind, if his family’s doesn’t get together often they may end up not coming.
Post # 6
I haven’t had my wedding yet, but I wanted it to be clear that no extended family that we both haven’t met before should be invited. I do not like the idea of sharing such a personal day with people I don’t know. I also don’t care about hurting other people’s feelings in regards to not sending them an invite. I firmly believe weddings should be shared with people who’ve supported your relationship and not family reunions. I’m not inviting my uncle because he wasn’t in my life when I was growing up and I frankly don’t like him and don’t want him at my wedding. I don’t think that you should feel obligated to invite extended family just because “it’s normal.”
Post # 7
I think “extended family” is a very vague term. Are we talking second and third cousins with a ton of kids who life way far away who no one’s seen since that family reunion back in 96? Or are we talking aunts, uncles and cousins who you just havent seen in a while because there haven’t been any weddings/funerals lately? Regardless of your definition of extended family, you should still invite by categories. That means all or no first cousins, all or no aunts and uncles, all or no second cousins, or all or no kids under 21/18/14, etc.
His extended family aren’t “strangers,” they’re his family and he cares about them. You haven’t met them yet, but that doesn’t make them randos he found on the street. They will be your family too, regardless of having met them or not, when you get married. Take caution, It’s a dangerous thing to say you don’t care about hurt feelings.
Post # 8
My dad has a large extended family and invited all of them to my parents wedding. He regretted it as many he hasn’t met or seeen in years. He did not want us to do the same due to cost and size of the family so we didn’t. Had he asked us to we would have
Post # 9
I felt like this too, but I gave in and I’m actually glad I did so far, though I haven’t gotten married yet. It’s been fun to get to know them through this process, they’re hosting a shower for me and it’s just been generally fun to feel like part of a new family. I know that some of them I’ll rarely see again, but I think that’s just how weddings go.
Post # 10
We have met extended family on both sides as we are both very close to our familes so it wasn’t an question that they would be invited. Now, I’m fighting his parents on inviting their friends I’ve never met and we never see, as I wanted family and OUR immediate friends only to have an intimate wedding even though we are over 100 people due to our large families.
Post # 11
I think it really depends. My parents are inviting a large portion of my extended family that I don’t particularly care about. I don’t dislike them, but I barely know them and don’t particularly care to spend our special day with them. I’m upset that my fiancé are having to bump friends from the guest list in favor of my mother’s cousins.
But I don’t think I’ll regret them being there.
Post # 12
kristin36890 : +1
My MIL wrote a couple of nasty e-mails, to my daughter/the bride. She insisted she invite distant family members, from that side, and stated “weddings are a time to bring family together.” These are people whose addresses we don’t have and my husband may exchange an e-mail with, once a year.
My daughter’s dream venue held a maximum of 100 and the reception cost $XXX per person. Needless to say, those relatives were not invited. In the end, despite repeatedly saying she wasn’t happy with the guest list, my MIL attended. (She was in the 1st car to leave the reception; I don’t think she smiled all night).
Post # 13
We invited extended family who had been important to us through our lives – that doesn’t necessarily mean we are massively close now, and some of my husband’s I haven’t seen before or since, but they were important to him and have been a big part of his life. We didn’t invite by category – not all aunts/uncles/cousins were invited, we made decisions on each one.
Post # 14
rainbowangel : I wouldn’t have imagined not inviting my extended family, but we are all really close. DH had met a majority of them before the wedding. Most of the ones he’d never met did not show up (which was not surprising at all). There were a lot of his extended family that I had never met, but I would have never told him he couldn’t invite them (though there were a few that he excluded). Most of my aunts, uncles and cousins stayed until the reception ended and kept the dancing going all night.
Post # 15
Invited all extended family on both sides. We had a fantastic time. We talk to everyone in our families and spend time with them. It’s important to us. So there were no strangers at our wedding. If someone had a SO that I didn’t know, that would have been okay as having the family member there is what’s important to me.