Did you regret inviting extended family to your wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Guests
  • poll: Did you regret extended family/partners?
    No, that's normal at a wedding : (28 votes)
    57 %
    Yes, I didn't like it : (6 votes)
    12 %
    Depends on who it is : (11 votes)
    22 %
    Other : (4 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    6605 posts
    Bee Keeper

    One thing I wanted to point out – its not just YOUR wedding. They might be ‘strangers’ to you, but they arent to your Fiance. They are his family. Plus, you’ll be joining their family so they wont be strangers for long.

    Post # 17
    Member
    1091 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    How extended? All Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and first cousins are invited to ours. We didn’t invite our cousins’ children. We did invite my grandmother’s siblings and some of their kids. But we didn’t extend that to all grandparents. We just see them more than others. You can expect 20% of your guestlist to decline if that helps.

    Ultimately it’s up to you. The family we invited is family we see on a regular basis. But we’re closer with family than most people are.

    Post # 18
    Member
    3452 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

    Wedding isn’t for a couple months but at the moment I regret that we didn’t keep the list to parents, siblings, wedding party and a couple close friends. Keep in mind I’m not a fan of large crowds or being around a bunch of strangers. Regardless of marrying into someones family if this is your first time meeting a person they are in fact a stranger to you. In your situation it depends. If your Fiance sincerely wants his extended family there then I’d let it go. But in general I don’t agree with feeling obligated to invite this or that person simply bc they’re blood related when you barely speak or see one another otherwise. Nor do I think every wedding has to be turned into a full blown family affair. Thats already a thing, its called a family reunion. Communicate and then decide whats best together.

    Post # 19
    Member
    1192 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    We invited the first cousins/aunts/uncles but we didn’t go into further territory of second cousins and what not because it would have exploded.  My mom has 20 something first cousins. I wish we could have invited more of the closer second cousins, etc, but we had already invited 140 (only 20 were friends) so we just couldn’t go any further.

    Post # 20
    Member
    2658 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    For me, it would depend what you consider “extended family”. We invited all grandparents, aunts, uncles and first cousins over the age of 18 (adult wedding). We invited a couple of great aunts with whom we have a relationship with. We also invited a couple of first cousins once removed (a parent’s cousin) with whom we have a relationship with. Neither of us have much of a relationship with any of our other extended family – as in, they probably don’t even know who we are – so didn’t feel any need to invite them.

    Post # 21
    Member
    527 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I’m sort of in the reverse situation, but I think it still helps with your questions. I did not invite extended family and have absolutely zero regrets.

    I get social anxiety. SO would have prefered more people, I’m sure, but we went with immediate family only and two friends of SO’s. I’ve only got my parents coming. I don’t think I could deal with strangers at my wedding, I’m struggling as it is with the 15 people we’ve got.

    Post # 22
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee

    my future sister in law had a wedding last summer where tons of extended family came. They said vows outside, there weren’t enough chairs but the whole thing took like 10min so who cares? Anyways- a big chunk of the extended family stood in the back chatting and ignoring the ceremony! I couldn’t believe these people, how rude! Apparently they thought is was ok because they are not religious and don’t know English well. They also did not bring gifts because they traveled far so their “presence was the gift”– well they’re not invited to my wedding!

    Post # 23
    Member
    7643 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    rainbowangel :  I invited them and did not regret it! Darling Husband has way more extended family than me, so out of a guest list of about 100, there were 15-20 aunts, uncles and cousins who I barely knew. But they’ve welcomed me into the family, I’ve got to know most of them more over the years, and I don’t regret them being at our wedding.

    Post # 24
    Member
    228 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    We we in the same situation with us wanting a small wedding and my father wanting the whole big wedding. We ended up inviting basically everyone in our families. However, no one from my mother’s side besides her aunts and uncle and my grandmother will be there. Oh, and half of my father’s side will be there, the rest could not make it. I always say that at least they were invited and not “left out” because if we did not invite them, that is how they would see it.

    I felt overwhelmed at first with double the guest count but it somehow worked out!

    Post # 25
    Member
    94 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    Here’s my take. My sister-in-law got married a year before us and had a much larger budget. She and her husband decided to invite extended family (they have a MASSIVE family) and it was honestly wonderful. I got to meet members of my fiance’s family I probably wouldn’t have otherwise, it was a great reunion and family guests were so happy to see each other again. 

     

    When I married my husband, however, we didn’t have to budget to invite all the extended family, so we kept our guest list small. I don’t regret that either, because we’re both introverted people, and enjoyed the intimate setting. 

     

    So it really depends on A) your budget, and B) the kind of person you are. Having lots of extended family is great! Having only immediate family is also great! 

    Post # 26
    Member
    94 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    Also I wouldn’t worry too much about having ‘strangers’ there. I was also really freaked out by the idea (there were a few plus ones that came that we had never met before) and really against it, but it ended up happening and it was really really great. 

     

    Obviously there’s a chance that the strangers might end up being weird and not so great, but what a better occasion than your wedding to meet someone for the first time? People will likely be very excited and very happy for you, even if they don’t know you. I met some of my closest friends’ significant others (they live far away) for the first time. Some guy that I’d never met before hugged me, crying and saying our vows were so beautiful. Weddings are fun! People are usually very happy for you. Don’t worry too much about it. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    2631 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Depends…. We invited all aunts and uncles even though we aren’t particularly close to some of them.  However, we only invited cousins that we were actually close to.

    Post # 28
    Member
    1365 posts
    Bumble bee

    I envisioned the same type of wedding you did and did NOT invite extended family. I didn’t regret it for a second. I had a lot of people mad at me, but that’s life. Loved our weddint.

    Post # 29
    Member
    939 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 1983

    If you wouldn’t take a person out for a hundred dollar dinner privately, don’t invite him or her to your wedding.

    Post # 30
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee

    I think it really depends on how large your family is. My extended family counting siblings, parents, aunts/uncles,first cousins, grandparents is only 12. So naturally all of them would receive an invite. My dad requested that his one aunt who acted like a 2nd mother and his first cousins families to be invited as well and that would only be 6 more. Inviting 18 as family would be very reasonable to me. However I do know people with many aunts and uncles and that would easily expand out to 80+ people and I would understand why you would need to draw lines.

    I agree with cassandra7 that “if you won’t take a person out for a hundred dollar dinner privately, don’t invite him or her to your wedding.”

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