Post # 1
Dear eloping bees,
Did any of you regret not having your family at your wedding ceremony? FI and I want to elope to Jamaica next year and I love the idea of being able to focus on us and not trying to host friends and family that have never been out of the country. However, FI really wants his best friend and his best friend’s wife to come. I think that sounds awesome as he is super important to FI and I think it would be really fun to spend time with them. He asked me if there was anyone that I wanted to come and really, if my family isn’t coming, there really isn’t a friend that I would want to invite. I feel kind of conflicted about not inviting family. My parents and grandparents have given me the green light on eloping, but I’m not sure how I would go about telling them that it is just us and his best friend… Any thoughts? What hinders us from inviting family is that due to all of the craziness that is in our life right now, making it just us (more or less) will significantly reduce the amount of stress and extra craziness that we take on. We both currently live in two different states and our families live in two other different states. Yuck. Any thoughts?
Post # 3
@SimpleGifts: I have one data point – I was married before without ANY family present.
It was a courthouse wedding, we had two witnesses.
While my family often FORGOT that I was married (yes they did), I am not sure I regretted not having family there (I left my home state when I was just 22 to leave some alcoholism drama, so I was quite independent) – I think I regretted more not making the whole day special. You see, I thought we were going to redo it all for family a few months later (my ex needed surgeries, so he needed time to heal), but we didn’t for several reasons. So because we didn’t do any hoopla – not even a nice restaurant for the real wedding day, it just came and went and BLAH. In fact, we went back to work. I regret not making that day special.
Now I get another chance.
I am going to be married again this year for the second time. We did have a 75 person wedding planned this month – but we cancelled it a while back because my dad was dying. I think because I didn’t have a wedding event last time that i SHOULD have a wedding event this time, but you know it was stressful! I am not sure I’m the wedding event type!
Now we’re just going to invite his parents and my mom to wherever it is. I have no idea if my mom will go because she just is not the travelling type. I think I want SOMEONE there that I know this time around, but I still want to make it very special. I’d love our immediate family to witness the wedding, but it’s too much of a burden to get the sisters there (small kids, plane rides, limited funds, etc).
I hope that helps.
Post # 4
I regret that we invited only our moms, but my mom couldn’t make it. So everytime I talk about the wedding to my mom she always looks a little hurt. However, on the flipsie, my mother in law had such a great time, I wouldn’t want to take that away from her either. I guess, I just wish my mom was there. 🙁
Post # 5
No, I dont regret it. I really thought I would but nope no regrets. I think I would have been sad if it had been a courthouse wedding. But in Colorado you have the option to do a self marriage. I thought that was just really super cool. We basically walked in declared we’d like to be married to one another, filled the application signed the certificate paid our money and went on our merry married way. I told my mom the next day and she was happy for me, the rest of my close family know too but they are all super happy we are doing a ceremony for them.
@sienna76: We made it a half big deal if that makes any sense. I really wanted to have an orchid in my hair so I went and got one the day before to wear at the clerks office. We both dressed up nice. He wore a nice shirt and I wore a nice dress with nice shoes. We went back to work afterward but went out for a nice dinner when we got back from work. We do plan on having a ceremony with family next year but we made it a sort big deal to ourselves. Even if we had just done the ceremony in MA we probably would have filed the paperwork here because it is so much easier to do and to access if need be.
Post # 6
I’ve never heard of a “self marriage” before! That’s an interesting concept!
I don’t think I’ll regret not having family there. Like Sienna, I was married before, although I did have a traditional wedding with family and friends present. So I figure they’ve already seen me get married before. This time, it’s about US only, which I like. 🙂
Post # 7
We didn’t regret not having family at the wedding. We left all the stress behind and it was a wonderful time for us. Originally, we were going to have friends there but decided against it as it seemed unfair to the family. We decided that it would be more intimate not to share our honeymoon with anyone. Jamaica was spectacular for us and we bonded so much before and after the wedding. We concentrated on each other and only each other. We didn’t have to worry about anything or anybody. It was amazing to have such romantic experience.
Post # 8
Well, now officially all three of my family members (mom, sister 1, sister 2) cannot make it to my wedding if it were in my state. How can all 3 have excuses? I even offered all the food/room/shuttle as part of the trip – they’d just need to buy plane tickets. It could be done in a 3 day weekend.
FI was asking me last night how I am going to feel when his mom, dad, possibly sister are around us giving us hugs afterward the ceremony, and I have no one there from my side. I said I will feel like a derelict reject honestly. HOwever, I want to be moved on from the hurt and pain by the time the wedding comes. I don’t want to have that feeling surface on my wedding day.
He offered to tell his parents they couldn’t come so we’d be “even” in terms of no guests.
Post # 9
@sienna76: What do you think you’ll decide?
Post # 10
@GFerg: I am not 100% sure. I may tell my mom she’s still invited just to be nice.
She has already emailed me and told me that she cannot go to the wedding – her anxieties are too great. Oh but get this, she still wants to fly out for a vacation and stay at my house next month!
My sisters? I just won’t extend it to them.
I am very angry today. I don’t even feel like flying home ever again. I have flown home 2-4x per year for the last 13 years to see them – hosted baby showers for them, stood as bridesmaids, etc. Yet each one has visited me once or twice. I feel like making excuses when they ask when I’m coming in next, “Oh I don’t have any money!” or “I’m not sure I can get off work!” or “I’m too scared to fly now, I cannot handle it!” Just like they did. Sorry, this is the angry/hurt talking.