(Closed) Did you set a wedding date first or ask others?

posted 6 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
Member
8515 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I feel like at some point, you just have to set a date and hope that whoever can make it, will make it. Plus you might be surprised — some people may end up showing up when you thought they wouldn’t be able to because while they would have PREFERRED another date, it wasn’t impossible for them to switch a few things around to make it.

Post # 3
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Set your date and go with it. Whoever wants to be there bad enough will make it there. its YOUR day

Post # 4
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

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luvely:  Figure out who your VIPs are – those people that you would be devastated over if they didn’t make it.  Ask those people and work around them, and hope for the best with the others. 

I didn’t have a destination wedding, but it was far from where my parents live and they have a busy schedule, so I literally sent my mom a google doc of EVERY possible weekend in like a 9-month span and asked her to add comments on which weekends did and did not work for them (or which ones were not ideal but workable).  It sounds a little over the top, but it took her no more than 20 minutes or so and honestly made the date-picking process so much easier than the back and forth on the phone about various dates.

Post # 5
Member
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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luvely:  I think you just have to set a date.  It’s not going to work for everyone but if you pick something that works for you guys then that’s what you do.  If you have a bunch of teachers that you want in attendance, during the school year may be out – but as you said, tickets during non-school seasons are more expensive.  It’s up to you how you want to balance that!

Post # 8
Member
1928 posts
Buzzing bee

We asked around a bit first before setting our date (some of our close friends will be finishing up their degrees at the time so we wanted to make sure to not book anything during school months), but ultimately it’s always hard to choose a date that would work for everyone.

We’re doing our destination wedding next year in December πŸ™‚ People were much happier with that than when we suggested June. It just made more sense for everyone to go to Punta Cana when it’s winter here, to escape the cold! Not everyone will be able to make it, which is a bit of a bummer, but we’re doing a destination wedding because that’s what makes us happy, and we’re just very grateful for the few people that can go!

Post # 9
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

We announced our date more than a year in advance, so vacation time wasn’t really an issue. The only person who couldn’t come because of vacation days was my cousin who’s a teacher, and that’s because she used all her personal days for the year on her own wedding.

Basically the only person we had to check with in advance was my sister, since her law school schedule was pretty rigid. But for people with regular jobs, it was generally just a matter of giving enough notice. And we didn’t worry about everyone, just essential family members.

Post # 10
Member
1939 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would take into consideration who are the people that MUST be there (moms, dads, grandparents, etc) the ones that you couldn’t have this day without, and see what date works best for them. If you try to accomodate everybody, you’re not going to get married for a couple years with those PTO and vacation requirements several of your guests have mentioned. Destination weddings are meant to be for close family and friends, not large weddings because most people don’t have the funds or time off to make it. 

Post # 12
Member
3936 posts
Honey bee

 

View original reply
luvely:  

fwiw, we picked our date (special to us) and informed everyone accordingly. We were happy with the turnout then and have been happy to celebrate our wedding anniversary on the date of our choosing every year since.

<3

 

Post # 14
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

We considered our VIPs’ general schedules but decided the wedding date on our own. With a destination wedding, there are so many logistics that guests have to coordinate. You just have to do the best you can. 

Post # 15
Member
6239 posts
Bee Keeper

We checked with close family that we wanted to attend and worked around some people, but ultimately we went with the date the worked best, not a date that worked for everyone (as if that’s even possible).  None of my cousins were able to attend, for a variety of reasons, though one couple did come visit us later in the summer.  I did work around a family reunion for my best friend’s husband though.  If they know you tried, that should be enough.  No one can reasonably expect you to accommodate every single person you invite.  You’d never get married!

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