Post # 1
So DH and I have just started TTC….We are both soo excited about it…I know DH is going to be an amazing daddy! We cant wait….but we are finding it hard to contain our excitement….our original plan was to not tell anyone we were trying until we were about 10-12 weeks pregnant….but now DH wants to talk to Father-In-Law about it (i think he wants a how to get ready to be a dad type talk which i think can wait until after we are pregnant)….and he accidentally let it slip infront of our best freinds(who are also a couple they get married next fall) when i went to drink a glass of wine and he freaked out…just a little….but enough that it was noticeable and they asked if i was pregnant….i am not but DH very cutely let the cat out of the bag that his was hoping that i was…which led to some talk…I am 99% positive they wont say anything….but that got us talking….
we are soo excited for this time…and we are always being asked by family when we are going to start a family….we just say…’oh not yet’….or ‘when the time is right’….we havent even told our parents or siblings that we are trying…
so we are caught between wanting to share the jow with a handful of very close people or keeping it a secret until we are pregnant….i dont want to have to keep hiding my vitamins whenever we have company or family stays with us….
We both are excite but this is our 1st month officially TTC….so we are early into it…but we are nervous about getting alot of pressure about TTC incase it dosent happen right away….
so here is my question, did you guys tell anyone that you were TTC, or did you wait until you were pregnant to let anyone know that anything was in the works…..
I kind of want to wait to tell anyone (even if we did tell anyone it would probably be less than 5 people who we would tell)….until I am pregnant just incase it dosent happen i dont want to get everyone excited and then not have it happen easily for us….but at the same time if we struggle to get pregnant….we dont want to be trying to go through it with out a support system….so im torn….
Post # 2
I’m still waiting to TTC, but a few very close friends of mine know when we will start. They know our reasons for waiting and it means I can vent to them if I get a hint of baby fever and they can talk some sense into me until I’m happy with our tentative TTC date again. So, when we start TTC, they will know.
I also have a couple of friends who are TTC now that have told me, but I am sworn to secrecy. I think it’s fine to tell a few close people, not only so you can share your excitement but also so you can share your sorrows when AF comes each month. Just be careful who you tell – make sure they won’t tell anyone.
FWIW, as I said above a couple of my friends will know when we TTC, and Fiance will probably tell a couple of his close mates too, but we haev already decided that we won’t tell our parents. Not because we don’t want to share our joy with them, but because we don’t want to much pressure on us. They each waited a while after marriage before kids, where we want to start trying right away, so we don’t want any unneccessary/accidental comments about how we should wait, but we also don’t want to be answering to too many people each month about why I’m not pregnant yet.
Post # 3
I basically told everyone before we were married that once we were we were going to try right away. It didn’t happen right away so I later wished that I didn’t say anythign because people were always wondering and asking and it kind of made me feel like a failure.
Post # 4
no we didnt tell anyone. We just DTD, and told close family and friends at 10 weeks
by 15 weeks we started to let others know.
Post # 5
We didn’t tell anyone. We went so far as to hint we may not want children at all! We just didn’t want the questions or looks or pressure. We told everyone when I was 15 weeks and they were shocked.
Post # 6
This is so exciting for you!!! I don’t blame you for wanting to tell your loved ones. We’re getting married in June and the plan is to TTC a few months after that. But like you I feel so excited and want to share it with my best friends. I don’t know how to keep a secret. It’s gonna be hard but hopefully we will pull it off. So excited for you. Good luck!!!
Post # 7
Everyone knows we want babies, but no one knows we’re trying. I also don’t plan to tell family and friends until it’s a for sure thing. I’m hoping at least 10 weeks for family and as late as possible for friends.
Post # 8
Thanks all….we are still waying back and forth…my biggest problem is….I didnt think i would be this excited about TTC….i figured I would only feel excited when i was pregnant….but I defenitly dont want the pressure….i had never thought about it….until a close friend told EVERYONE and their dog that they were TTC baby #2…and so far the poor thing has had no luck at all…she got pregnant right away with her first but this time the poor thing has been trying for almost 8 months…and nothing…and she and I were talking awhile ago and she cried and cried about how she thought alot of what the problem was was stress from everyone, trying to give her tips, home remedies for being “infertile”…shes had alot of people just not know when to shut up…and its hurting her heart she has always wanted a ton of kids and now is struggling….i just dont want to end up with that added stres….but i dont want DH and i to be alone if there is a struggle…
im glad im not alone in this conundrum
Im sorry you went through that…and that is a big thing that worries me….im afraid esp if we tell parents we are working on a baby….they will freak and not back off until we are pregnant…
Post # 9
Mom & Best Friends! I don’t care if it’s taking a while or whatever. I’d rather they know it’s been a process and support me if needed. Plus then when they are becoming pregnant (not my mom haha) they know I am still trying and I feel like that’s a good thing. But, that might not be what everyone wants! I just feel like sharing in infertility, miscarriages, etc. is something I want to do with my friends.
Post # 10
I told my mom, after four months of trying. I told her because I was sad. I would not want my family and friends to know that my husband and I were trying. It seems so private to me. It’s already hard enough that our families keep asking when we’re having kids.
Post # 11
This past month has been our first one trying and I’ve only told my doctor (I had an unrelated appointment). Mom, brother’s girlfriend, three best girlfriends and close work-friend all know we’re trying “this spring” (as vague as that is), but no one else has the faintest idea. Seriously – all of DH’s family, all my other friends, siblings, etc. are going to be beyond shocked that we’ve conceived, whenever that is, because they truly do not expect us to be trying. I’ve posted before about how they often make throwaway comments like, “in like five years, when you start thinking about kids…” for no apparent reason, since we’ve been living together independently for many years, married for 1.5, and are in our late 20’s.
My mom is beyond excited, but I know if I tell her right now that we’ve been trying she’ll be calling me daily for updates – no thanks.
I don’t intend to make any announcements until after at least 8 weeks, either. Whenever that may be…
Post # 12
I have told a fair number of people. There is no way that I could survive keeping it a complete secret. My parents know but my in laws don’t officially know. My Mother-In-Law has been a big naggy – and that is hard, my mom was too at first, but it is so great to have her support now that she realizes things are tough. I had to have a chat with my mom after a couple months of TTC (on our 9th cycle now) that I wasn’t hiding anything and really wasn’t pregnant and how the process was. Since then she has been beyond supportive – and is helpful to lean on when my Mother-In-Law is annoying.
As far as friends – my closest friends (both coworkers and not coworkers) are aware that we are trying. (Not my boss of course!) It has been SO helpful to have their support. In this collection of friends several also were/are TTC. Being in the same boat is great because we know what each other is going through and can be supportive. However, if I had only told my BFF – things would have been harder because she did get pregnant – it’s nice to have some friends who know that aren’t pregnant. I can rant to them easier sometimes. Other times I lean on my friends who are pregnant – especially to try to get advice 😉
Sorry for rambling – but I guess what I’m trying to say is that I told more people than it seems like a lot of the posters seem to be describing. And I have very happy for this. Having friends going through this at the same time is really nice. We can lean on each other and share our frustrations or joys. Do people speculate about me behind my back – absolutely – and I don’t care…sometimes I play with it and do things that make people think I’m pregnant, then drink a BIG glass of wine to surprise them. My suggestion would be to not keep it a TOTAL secret – you might go nuts!
Best wishes to you and your husband!
Post # 13
We are still waiting to TTC for a few reasons, but I know that I won’t be able to keep it a secret from my Mom when we’re trying. She’s just such a supportive and caring person that I know she’ll be great about it. And she will keep it a secret. My Mother-In-Law would spill the beans so fast, because my SIL wants my husband and I to have kids so badly, and my Mother-In-Law would tell her just because she knows how happy my SIL would be with that news. But I feel like there would be a lot of pressure from Mother-In-Law and SIL, where my Mom will just provide encouragement and support when I need to talk, she won’t bring it up unless I do. Otherwise I think we will keep it a secret, because I really don’t want people asking me all the time if I’m pregnant yet. I get that enough already and we’re not trying!
Post # 14
I actually am not telling our family, but a handful of my closest friends know. All my friends but a couple have kids, so I feel like it’s nice to be able to talk to people who understand. Plus, they don’t pester me about it. They know I’m not on BC and they know I’ll tell them if I do get PG. Meanwhile my family hassles me ALL the time.
Post # 15
This is hard. It’s a very private thing, but it’s so exciting! DH and I are in our 2nd cycle of trying. My best friend knows we’re trying and my sisters know that we planned on starting “this year”, but other than that, nobody. We always just reply “soon”. You never know how long it could take and we didn’t want to deal with constant questions like “are you pregnant yet?” or “sooo…any news?” We will decide when I’m actually pregnant (here’s hoping for this cycle!) how long we want to wait to tell family and close friends, but we’re cautious people. Good luck!