(Closed) Did you tell your fiance what carat you want?

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 46
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

We shopped together but a budget in mind first then found a stone and ring that fit that budget that we loved. 

Post # 47
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

chachamaru :  You are very considerate and sweet. I’m sure discussing with him about your size preference wouldn’t hurt but also do a bit of a price scan as well.

Post # 48
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

No. I had no part in (or even a clue about) the ring-shopping process. I would have been grateful for and happy with whatever he chose for me and gave to me.

Post # 49
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I wish I could figure out the moment when women decided their intended must be a mind-reader. You need to give the poor guy a break.   For many, an ering is a major investment. In your future marriage, I would hope you would collaborate on such decisions. You would set a budget and work out the compromises on features, wishes and needs. Why is this any different? Why would you not want to have a say in what you are going to wear for, presumably, every day for a long time? 

If you truly can’t deal with being being collaborative — then at least provide some parameters: shapes you like and don’t (simple, Love/Hate, no wishywashy), basic ring style (solitaire? side stone? halo?), and size of center. But, if the shape will not all be the same (i.e., I like oval and round), give a size range…like, “I tend to like things around 5 mm in size for a center stone”. 

You can make a pinterest board, but make sure you annotate the images. Like “I like the proportion of the center to the sides”, “I like the center shape, but not the band”, “stone way too big for me, but I like this halo”. 

 

Post # 50
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

glitterysala :  because the rest of the world doesnt see it like that… engagement rings arent ‘major investments’ here, we would never spend the rediculous amount or get the huge diamonds americans do, its just not the done thing because its not something that matters at all

also you NEVER, EVER, EVER dictate a gift… height of rudeness – an engagement ring is an extra, you dont ‘need’ one and thats where a lot of girls on here get confused, hes not buying you ffs you shouldnt require anything except the man himself

 

Post # 51
Member
2740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have a pair of round diamond earrings that are 1 carat each .. so I told my fiance that I wanted a round diamond between 1 – 1.5 carats so that my ring would at least be equivalent/match my earrings. He surprised me with a 1.5 carat! 

Post # 52
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

We shopped tigether for loose diamonds because no jewelers had settings with cushion cut diamonds which I knew I wanted. I thought 1ct looked too small on my hand and 2ct was overwhelming so the jeweler broght us stones ranging from 1.3-1.7 ct and I got to pick!

Post # 53
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

Darling Husband and I went to try on rings before we got engaged to see what I liked. He told me I could pick any carat size I wanted, but I’d have to wait longer for him to propose the more expensive it was so he could save for it. 1.5 cts was my ideal but I didn’t want to wait a year for him to propose so I chose .75 ct, which I also liked on my finger. We ended up using the money for something completely different, but that was also our choice. 

Post # 54
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

btob17 :  Well, perhaps you are correct. It has been some time since I attended the Chateau Beau-Cedre. While us Americans were corrected for being too direct and loud, Madame said that in such matters as discussing a ring or gift, it was important to be gracious, but it was perfectly acceptable to provide the other party with some direction and guidance. She advised being circumspect and gentle, but to remain silent did the other party no service. Also, don’t I recall that Princess Dianna selected her own ring, made buy Garrards to her specifications, but perhaps these are old customs are no longer followed in the UK?

I see no rudeness in telling someone details about a desired gift. I could say, “I’d like a dress watch for Christmas” or “I’d like a mechanical dress watch with a rose gold finish. I found a lovely Carier Panthere vintage watch that would be perfect. Shall I send the notation to you?” My husband recently asked for a tablet computer. He said, “Since you asked, for my bday, I’d like a new tablet that it more durable. I’ve been looking at the Xplore Motion R12 with some add-ons. Would you like me to send you its specs” (to which I gratefully said “yes, please”).

I don’t think it fair to demean someone for feeling a ring matters or does not. In many many social circles, the “ring” is very important (yes, even in the UK). In fact, in many cultures, it is the rings, earrings, bracelets, house he will buy for Fiance, and diamonds given to the future MIL that will be used to judge the worth of the man and if he may marry the woman (not unlike a dowry in other cultures). ‘Investment’ has many meanings. I’ve helped people with a $1500 budget find a ring and people with a $50k budget. So, to each their own. I take people as they come. But, for a ring I will wear every day, I personally feel it totally reasonable to be clear about what I want to wear on my hand, just as I’d not expect my husband to wear a Patek Philippe Reference, if he really wanted an Apple Smart Watch. 

 

Post # 55
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: A restaurant on the beach

I didn’t outright tell him but I knew what size I wanted and I helped pick the diamond. He know I’m particular so he knew to consult me on the diamond. 

Post # 56
Member
7002 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Nope, he did it totally on his own with the help of the jeweler referred by a family friend. Proposal was a surprise as well so I had no idea it was coming, despite having been together over 10 years! While I didn’t tell him anything, I think he pretty much knew it better be nice!! We’d been together a looong time and put getting married on the back burner while he climbed the ladder in his career and I built my business. I was pretty patient and he did a great job. 

Post # 57
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

wonderlily :  lol … yes I’m french so sometimes I don’t use the proper english term… Gaudy… as in too extravagant for my taste… 🙂 

Post # 58
Member
1587 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

blackraine04 :  No worries at all! I appreciate being tipped off for that kind of stuff so I hoped to help. 🙂

Post # 59
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

chachamaru :  I did, but probably in the least subtle way possible.  

I had a Pinterest page 😂

I also kind of started one way conversations about rings I had seen on his friends and what I liked/didn’t like.

 

Post # 60
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2019

 

chachamaru :  Originally I had told my SO I wanted a 2 carat, but after looking around and shopping with him I discovered that 2 carat was a tad too big for our taste (and expensive!).  After searching we discovered moissanites and decided to go with a 1.5.  I dont think there is anything wrong with telling them what you want, from my experience they need all the help they can get!

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