Did you tell your fiance what carat you want?

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 106
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Nope I honestly could care less about all that and don’t even know the difference in rings. I let him decide what he wanted. I think once he took me to look at rings and I said “I like that one” and pointed to a ring and the gentlemen helping us said thats a princess cut. So that’s about as much info as my hubby had. Plus I knew my hubby didn’t have money. He ended up getting me this beautiful ring from Kohls which sadly I lost at a pool 🙁

Post # 107
1709 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Garden

chachamaru :  I was kind of listening to other women back when I was looking at rings. Everyone was telling me that 1ct was the best choice. Others would seriously tell me that a man who gives you a 1ct loves you more. What a load of crock. So I listened. I wanted that. So I told him. But he was like “.5 is average and it’ll look good on you.” I didn’t really want to listen to him. I was stubborn. I even told him one time “well save enough money to get me a 1ct  then propose.” I was just a monster haha. 

But I got my .5 princess cut. I am so glad I ended up not listening to my friends and family. I guess it was out of pressure and ignorance. I actually tried on a 1ct and wasn’t impressed a year later (he wanted me to upgrade to a bigger stone later down the line) and I said I’m good. I’ll keep my lovely half carat princess. I’m never going to upgrade. 

Post # 108
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada

Yep, I basically chose the exact ring. He knew we had opposite taste and asked for input.

Post # 109
367 posts
Helper bee

Am I the only one who doesn’t agree with the whole “it’s a gift” thing? Personally, I feel like an engagement ring costs waaaaay too much money for someone to just guess what their SO will like. Especially because women have such different tastes in rings. I imagine most men would appreciate input knowing this is something their future wife will be wearing on her finger for the rest of her life.  

Post # 110
2509 posts
Sugar bee

emilylvwdammon :  You’re definitely not. This sort of topic is very personal and just reflects how traditional/progressive people are. When SO asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted to COLLABORATE so that the ring could reflect both of us and he basically just said, NO – it’s YOUR ring and I want you to have exactly what you want. He’s in your camp – he’ll be spending a certain amount, and he wants to be sure he’s spending it to maximum effect.

Post # 111
2463 posts
Buzzing bee

No. I don’t care. His brother was getting engaged and showed us the ring he purchased and there was a white inclusion in it that bothered me to no end, so I did tell him that I don’t think I could live with a visible inclusion like that and he agreed. 

Post # 113
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

no he did all the work himself and everyone was quite impressed ! lol 

Post # 114
610 posts
Busy bee

I did and I got it 🙂

Post # 115
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No. I didn’t make any suggestions whatsoever. I can understand a couple collaborating if they have a joint account and the money that is going towards the ring is contributed by both parties. However my ring was bought entirely out of his pocket, I’m not sure he would have got me a ring at all if I had been demanding about any of the 4 C’s  ;). I didn’t say much at all about rings before the proposal. In fact I was more concerned about it happening than what diamond I got. Perhaps that is why he went so above and beyond what I expected.

Post # 116
109 posts
Blushing bee

When my sisters husband leaves his socks balled up in the corner of the bathroom it makes her *actually* homicidal. 

I’ve been married to my husband for thirteen years…I cannot tell you the last time I was aware of picking up his socks and putting them in the hamper. I just don’t care about having to do that. (When he leaves a jar of something that is *this close* to being finished in the fridge instead of just finishing it, well, that’s another story) 

The bottom line is, every couple is their own little funky island that operates with its own rules and customs. It’s not about etiquette and societal norms with your husband, ladies…your customs and traditions transcend alllll of that. Things that work in one relationship will never fly in another…”the height of rudeness” in one relationship doesn’t bat an eye in someone else’s. Some chicks want to be a part of picking the ring. Some would never dream of it. Nobody is wrong. Who cares what anybody else does so long as what you’re doing works for you and you’re partner?

You guys do you. The sooner you accept that your marriage arrangement needs to work for THE TWO OF YOU and that no one else’s opinions really matter, the better off you’ll be. 

To answer the question:

When we were 19 and made it “forever” we spent $12 on a little silver band, $140 on our wedding and had a beautiful and practically unimaginably simple ceremony on the banks of our favorite river, and we invested our money in a beautiful home by a lake and started growing a life and family. Thirteen years, three kids, and so so so much love later, I’ve just finished designing my three stone ring and eternity band set and couldn’t be happier with what I’ve picked. He reached the limits of his ability to care months ago. I’ve been steadily obsessed for…oh…hahaha a while now. 

He doesn’t give a single flip about jewellery and I don’t need him to. He picks things that have engines in them, I pick things that are related to design and aesthetics, we parent, cook, and make financial decisions together. Everything else is case by case. It doesn’t matter who paid for it, there’s no such thing as “my money” in my marriage, only “ours”, and he wants me to love what I wear on my finger. That’s worth any amount money to him. 

PS: (not directed at anyone in general) if you are waiting for a proposal and have no idea what your fiance can actually afford, you guys aren’t talking about the right shit (but again, whatever floats your boat…that’s just my opinion).

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